You find yourself frequently rushing around like a chicken without a head. You get showered, get dressed, give the kids their breakfast, and then ship them off to school.

If everything goes well, you’ll be able to catch the train on time; but if there is even one slip up, the whole morning can be disastrous (not exactly the best precedent to set for the rest of your day).

Answer:

Go to bed 15-30 minutes earlier and wake up 15-30 minutes earlier. Use the extra time to chunk morning tasks into something more manageable and sane.

Also, consider using the extra time to sit outside with some coffee, read the newspaper, or do some praying and meditation. A little bit of “me time” can help get your attitude right before taking on the rest of the world.

2. You let coworkers get under your skin too easily.

It’s bad enough you have to listen to your kids whine and complain, but now you have to deal with it at work. Some people never seem to grow up.

Who is it this time? The gossiper? Your office buddy who needs a second opinion on everything? Or maybe it’s the anonymous asshole who never fills the coffee pot after taking the last drop?

Let’s face it – some people are rude, disrespectful, and just plain annoying.

Answer:

Sucky people exist, but we don’t need to let them get under our skin. Put yourself in their shoes and understand that everyone is trying to get through the day in their own way.

Try making your interactions as pleasant as possible by laughing away the small stuff or cracking a joke. Do whatever it takes to get the good vibes flowing, and don’t take anything too personally.

If people get too pushy: find a quick escape (“I really should get back to this report”), ignore them, tell them directly to stop, or even report them to the manager if the situation gets out of control.

For more tips check out the book The No Asshole Rule.

3. You can’t find time to eat.

Some tell me they are just “too busy to eat.” But if you don’t get the proper nutrition, you can kiss productivity goodbye. Without food you can’t concentrate, you lose stamina quickly, and you’re more likely to daydream about stuff like…eating.

Answer:

Don’t be ridiculous, take the 20-40 minute break and find yourself something to eat. Both your mind and body will appreciate the boost.

For the best results, eat something balanced and healthy, but any food is always better than no food. Consider leaving some snacks around the office for quick replenishment throughout the day.

4. Your boss treats you like a door mat.

Typically you want to be a good lil’ worker and not get the people in charge upset. And there is nothing wrong with wanting to please your boss (or bosses).

However, there are limits. There are times where the worker-boss relationship can be detrimental, bordering on abusive.

Having too much work to do, or being talked down by your boss on a daily basis, can all have significant psychological effects on your well-being (not to mention your productivity).

Stress has been shown to be most prevalent in individuals who are on the lower end of hierarchies, which leaves the average worker very susceptible to high levels of stress and anxiety.

Answer:

In Good Boss, Bad Boss, Stanford professor Robert Sutton explains how a good boss should be receptive to feedback from his or her employees and respond to those employees with dignity.

Obviously, not all bosses show this kind of understanding. However, you can test the waters by expressing your concerns and seeing what your boss is willing to do to improve working conditions. Make sure you voice your opinion as respectfully as possible.

If your boss isn’t willing to budge at all – and you absolutely can’t stand him – it may be time to start looking for a new and more tolerable job.

5. You have trouble sleeping at night.

By the end of the day you may have a lot of pent up energy, aggression and frustration. This is a cocktail of emotions that is sure to leave you up all night with your mind racing.

Poor sleeping habits can become a downward spiral. Just one night of tossing and turning can leave you worn out for the rest of the day, dozing off at work, and then having the same troubles the very next night.

Answer:

A few years ago I had insomnia and searched for a number of ways to help fall sleep. One of the most effective ways I found was using hypnosis. Basically, I counted down from 50 and consciously slowed down my breathing between each number. Each step represented a more “sleepful state,” and often (with practice) I would be sound asleep before I even got down to 0.

Part of the reason I was so effective at this was because I was training to be a hypnotist at the time. However, it’s really not that hard, and you can get good instructions from books like Paul McKenna’s I Can Make You Sleep: Overcome Insomnia Forever, which also comes with a “Guided Hypnosis CD” that can do a lot of the work for you.

If you’ve tried hypnosis already, or you are too spooked out about it: also try exercising more. Exercise can help release excess energy. The more physically active you are, the more likely it is that you will be tired by the end of the day, and therefore be able to get the rest you need.

People sometimes underestimate how much their environment reflects their mental state. Does your office have loose papers scattered across the room, coffee stains, and an overflowing waste bin? Do you walk into the office every morning and it looks like a cyclone hit it?

Guess what – it’s time to re-assess your cleaning habits at work.

Answer:

Keeping things clean and organized isn’t that hard and you don’t need an elaborate system to do it.

Spend 20 minutes every Friday afternoon emptying out the garbage, vacuuming crumbs on the floor, dusting behind the computer, or whatever (this is assuming your company doesn’t already have someone hired to do this stuff for you).

As for papers:

1. Organize a couple of folders or binders.

2. Label them according to your tasks throughout the work week.

3. Find a space for them in your office where they aren’t going to move.

Keep it simple stupid. You’re not trying to replicate Wikipedia, and dust bunnies don’t actually grow fangs and suck blood if they aren’t cleaned up right away. The point is to introduce some sanity into the workplace, not become a neat freak.

Allot no more than 25-30 minutes a week and make an active effort to keep things tidy and in order.

7. Troubles at home.

Sometimes the most common distractions at work aren’t work-related, but our relationships at home with family, friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, or roommates.

An unhealthy home life spills into an unhealthy work life (and vice versa).

If we have stress at home, we often carry that negative energy into the workplace as well. That means poor relationships with family and friends might also tell us why coworkers so easily get under our skin (#2). We seek healthy social bonds, but when we don’t get them we sometimes think the whole world is conspiring against us.

Answer:

Address the problem. Poor relationships need to be brought into consciousness and reconciled, not suppressed where problems can grow and exacerbate.

If you have to: introspect on the relationship and figure out where the core issues lie. Then, have a civil conversation with the person (with the intent to find common ground). When conversations aren’t possible, seek new and positive relationships elsewhere (not always easy, but sometimes necessary).

8. You recently lost a loved one.

Time can sometimes be a cruel teacher, especially when you lose those who you deeply care for. A recent death can make life freeze in place. You don’t want to go anywhere. You can’t concentrate on getting anything done. And you don’t want to go to work. Instead, you just want to sit at home, cry, and reflect.

And, depending on the person, you may also have funeral plans to arrange – which can be another burden in itself during these depressing times.

Answer:

Request time off. These are those rare times where you probably want some solitude and you need the time away from work. Most people will be understanding and let you do your thing. Try to take things slowly.

In addition, find some way to celebrate the person’s life. Maybe watch a favorite movie you used to both like, or go to some spot you used to have deep and philosophical conversations. Find a way to reconcile their passing with honor and fortitude.

Then take your best step forward.

9. You need a vacation.

Sometimes nothing is wrong at work. You are just tired of the day-to-day rat race and you want some time to enjoy the finer moments in life.

Answer:

If you have been budgeting yourself correctly, you should have some money saved away to go on a small vacation. Make sure you let your employer know in advance when you plan on taking time off, and be sure to book any hotels, tours, or attractions beforehand.

Also, leave plenty of free time and flexibility in your schedule, just in case you want to lounge by the pool, read, or go out to dinner. This is a time to relax and enjoy yourself – don’t make it too busy.

10. Your job just sucks.

Maybe after it is all said and done you just don’t like your job. You tried to make it more pleasurable, you tried to stick with it, but you simply can’t. Maybe it just doesn’t suit your personality. Or maybe the job just really does suck.

Answer:

Start looking for a new and better job. Although a new career can seem daunting, in the long-run it might be the best decision you ever made. You can start by follow many of my tips at 50 Things To Do While Unemployed – but please don’t quit your job until you have another one secured.

Books you might like:

• The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t
• Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity
• Guerrilla Marketing for Job Hunters: 1,001 Unconventional Tips, Tricks and Tactics for Landing Your Dream Job

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2. Organize your desk and home workspace.

3. Practice mock interviews.

4. Check out local listings at craigslist or in your local newspaper.

5. Set a new budget.

6. File for unemployment benefits.

7. Follow the news. This will provide you with fuel for conversation.

8. Consider further education. Take college courses or pursue a Masters or PhD.

9. Ask family, friends, and past employers for possible job openings.

10. Walk outside and see which local businesses are hiring.

11. Get a makeover. Sometimes nicer clothes or a new haircut can help leave a better impression in your interviews.

12. Find some odd-and-end jobs around town (mowing lawns, cleaning houses, walking dogs, baby sitting, having a bake sale, etc.)

13. Have a garage sale or sell stuff you don’t need on Ebay or Amazon.

14. Consider a career change.

15. Make a blog as a stepping stone or portfolio for your work.

16. If you can afford it, go on vacation.

17. Consider moving to a place where there are more jobs.

18. Volunteering. You can put it on your resume and it shows character.

19. Upload your resume to Monster.com, SnagAJob.com, or CareerBuilder.

20. Consider starting your own business, but be prepared to put in the time and work.

21. Exercise more. It’ll make you feel better and more confident.

22. Learn a new language. Being bilingual is helpful in most economies.

23. Get a non-paid internship to gain more experience.

24. Rent out a room in your apartment/house for extra cash.

25. Cut out coupons for groceries and clothes.

26. Review your insurance bills and see if you can switch to cheaper companies.

27. Shop at discount stores.

28. Cook for yourself. It’s cheaper.

29. Pursue new hobbies and interests.

30. Read about topics you enjoy.

31. Maintain a positive attitude and a healthy self-esteem.

32. Check out your local food banks.

33. Have your children look for employment if they are old enough (to help out).

34. Look for local job fairs.

35. Take a workshop and learn a new skill.

36. Go to your local library. According to The Economist, 70% help you with filling out applications, writing resumes, and finding jobs.

37. See doctors and dentists before your health insurance runs out.

38. Network with people on Facebook or LinkedIn.

39. Limit time watching TV or playing video games.

40. Look for cheaper alternatives for your phone bill, cable, gas.

41. Spend more time with your family. It won’t lead to a job, but it is one of the more quality ways to spend your off-time.

42. Become your own manager or agent. Saying that you are the agent for so-and-so (during phone conversations) will give you a professional edge in some industries.

43. Pursue an art. This adds diversity to character and improves creativity.

44. Put yourself in the employer’s shoes. Ask “How can I add value to this company?”

45. Quit smoking. It improves your hygiene, it makes your teeth whiter, and you will smell better.

46. Find entry level jobs and aim to work your way up.

47. Maintain a healthy sleep schedule of 7-10 hours a night.

48. Donate plasma. Some plasma banks offer $35 a pint, and you can donate twice a week.

49. Cancel your internet and leech on public places with free wi-fi (Starbucks, public libraries, etc.)

50. Grow a fruit and vegetable garden to cut down on food expenses.

Bonus: When all else fails, find a wealthy boyfriend/girlfriend (who you love…not to be a gold digger, of course).

• United States Department of Labor
• How To Write A Masterpiece of a Resume
• Cover Letter FAQ and the Competitive Edge in the Job Market
• What Makes A Great Cover Letter, According to Companies?
• Free Job Search E-books
• Resume Templates for Microsoft Office (don’t choose anything too flashy)
• How To Make An Impression With Your Resume in 30 Seconds
• Ten Tips for a (Slightly) Less Awful Resume

I don’t have all these answers. I’m not you. And I’m not omniscient or all-knowing. But I can point you in some helpful directions. I can also try to steer you away from not-so-helpful directions. And that is what I want to focus on in this post.

You see, we all want to go somewhere. We all want to achieve something. Maybe we want to start a business, become a professional musician, athlete, or artist. Or maybe we want a career change, or to find a life partner, or just be more happy.

These are all worthy goals. But how many people do you think actually achieve them?

Probably very few. Why? Because they wouldn’t be valuable if they were so easily obtainable. Let me repeat that in another way: our goals wouldn’t be worthy goals if they were given away for free.

So what does this mean? It means our goals take work. And it means there is a high risk of failure. Chances are you are going to fail. That’s not a pretty or uplifting thing to hear, but that’s reality.

So let’s become more aware of some things that might lead to failure, so we can prevent them in the future.

1. You’re looking for a quick fix.

This is the biggest trap there is in the game of life. Everywhere we are being offered magic pills and secret blueprints to success. All we need to do is color in the lines and voila! You’re a fucking superstar. That is, until you actually do everything you are told… and nothing has changed.

ANSWER: What works for someone else may not work for you. All improvement takes time and self-discovery.

2. You’re doing it only for the money.

Money is an innocent thing. It doesn’t have a mind. And it’s not evil. It’s only people that turn it into a devil or deity. The paradoxical thing about money is it is only available to those who don’t really need it. It’s an afterthought. The youngest billionaire Mark Zuckerberg never had any intentions of making money while creating Facebook. He only wanted to make something “cool,” something that people enjoyed. Money came after that.

ANSWER: If your main focus is how to make money, and not how to provide value, you will often find yourself struggling financially.

3. Your self-esteem is too fragile.

There is no path to success without obstacles along the way. Not only will there be troubles to face, but you will need the self-esteem or self-efficacy to overcome those troubles. Self-esteem does not mean artificially boosting your ego, or bragging to your friends, but feeling capable and resourceful during times of uncertainty.

ANSWER: If you don’t feel capable of overcoming a challenge, you are already setting yourself up for failure. Watch out for self-talk like, “I want to but I can’t.”

4. You didn’t define your values.

Have you ever tried to achieve a goal without really knowing what the goal was? Maybe you had a “rough idea” or you thought “Why not take a shot in the dark and see what happens?” A lot of people go through life without ever defining where they want to go. They expect things to fall in their lap, without ever exercising their free will or self-determination.

ANSWER: When going from Point A to Point B, know what Point B really means.

5. You’re not willing to take risks.

Life is a game of opportunities, choices, and trade-offs. It is about weighing costs and benefits, and deciding which are worth taking. There is no such thing as having all the benefits without any of the costs. We need to exchange value-for-value, and often the more we have to offer the more we have to gain. Yet the more we offer, the more we risk losing.

ANSWER: Calculated risk isn’t only about business, it’s about life. Learn to be a better decision-maker, but understand that the safest route doesn’t always bring you to where you want to go.

6. You don’t want to cooperate with others.

In your head you may have this idea of the “lone genius” or the independent hero who saves the whole world single-handedly. However, in reality, we are all interconnected. There is no such thing as being successful while completely ignoring everyone else.

ANSWER:There will be times where we need to seek advice and help from others. It is nothing to be ashamed about, and it will make you a better person in the end.

But we aren’t breathing rocks. We aren’t rocks at all. We are conscious human actors. We have goals, and we don’t like being thrown down steep hills or into dirty ponds without our consent. We want to be in charge of where we go.

• John values tasty food, but maybe he can find some healthier alternatives.
• John values tasty food, but maybe he will only treat himself to fast food once a month.

Or maybe:

• John doesn’t value living a long and healthy life as much as he enjoys McDonalds everyday. He figures, “I might as well enjoy life while I can.”

• Be mindful of your thoughts (especially when trying to make a tough decision)
• Interrogate yourself
• Have a conversation with someone about what matters in life
• Draw up a mind map (see below for more details)
• Pay attention to your actions and how you react to them emotionally

It is hard to understand our values if we don’t look inside our heads from time to time. When we talk to others we can get a better sense of ourselves, but no one can define what you want. Value-making is not just a tool to aid our lifestyles, it is also an obligation we have to ourselves. It can take hard work and years of listening.

I’ve been defining and re-defining my values ever since I got into “self-improvement” four years ago. They are still always changing, and I always need to remind myself what it is I truly want out of life.

But could anything be further from the truth? Sure, conscious action always comes with some intent or goal in mind, but most planning and decision-making doesn’t come before action, it happens during action. Action itself is the final manifestation of our plans.

We plan to eat dinner with a friend, so we call up that friend, we compare schedules, then we agree on a time and a place. But after we hang up the phone there are still many decisions left undecided: where will we sit in the restaurant, what will we eat, should we have dessert, how will we split the bill, how much should we tip, etc. These are all important decisions in regards to “eating dinner,” yet it doesn’t make sense to answer these questions before we get in the car to go to the restaurant.

That planning needs to be decided on later. We may have a rough idea on how we will split the bill or what we will eat, but these things are subject to change depending on our mood and other factors, so we don’t set those plans in stone. Other decisions we can’t even speculate on until we have more information; for instance, we can’t know how much to tip until we know what the bill is. And, similarly, we can’t choose where to sit in the restaurant until we are actually there and know what tables are available.

All initial planning faces these limitations and uncertainties. As humans, we are neither infallible nor omniscient – we can’t predict the future – and circumstances are impermanent and always changing. Yet, despite these limitations on planning, we must do it, just as we must adapt our plans and fill in the details as they are carried out, and as new information becomes available.

In theory, plans are always static, they don’t actually get us anywhere – they are only a blueprint of what may come. In practice, plans are always evolving moment-by-moment, and they change as we get to more advanced stages.

Tim Ogilvie, CEO and co-founder of AdBuyer.com, stresses this point in a great lecture at the Yale Entrepreneur Institute in 2009 called “Start-up Keys: Test, Verify, and Iterate,” (this is a link to the audio from iTunes University. It is free, but you will need iTunes before you can listen to it).

His most applicable advice was simple: “Your plan isn’t going to work… so you shouldn’t spend a whole lot of time planning,” instead, “create a plan, launch something, and then test some of the assumptions you set out in your plan. There is no question that all the assumptions you set will not play out. The most important thing you need to do is figure out which ones did play out, and which ones didn’t. And then, using all that information, ask, ‘How does that change my plan and what do I do now?’”