Intrusive thoughts are involuntary and unpleasant thoughts, images, or ideas that pop into our mind.

They are a common symptom in those with anxiety, depression, OCD, and PTSD; however, the truth is most people experience intrusive thoughts from time to time.

Common intrusive thoughts are usually associated with aggression, impulsive urges, and sexual fantasies. And although intrusive thoughts are rarely acted upon, they are often considered “inappropriate” by the person thinking the thoughts.

As a result, many intrusive thoughts can lead to strong feelings of guilt and shame, even when the person never physically did anything wrong. Fortunately, there are ways we can accept these thoughts without letting them have too much influence on our mental health.

Some intrusive thoughts you may have are:

• Thoughts or impulses to harm or kill ourselves.
• Thoughts or impulses to harm or kill a person, small child, or animal.
• Thoughts or impulses to shout out or verbally abuse someone by saying something rude, inappropriate, nasty, or violent.
• Thoughts or impulses to do something very risky or dangerous.
• Thoughts or impulses regarding inappropriate sexual behavior.
• Thoughts or impulses to do something we find morally wrong.

There are many different examples of intrusive thoughts, but these are some of the thoughts most commonly associated with the term. For the remainder of this post, I’m going to share 3 steps we can follow to let go of these types of thoughts and limit the power they have over us.

The first step toward letting go of our thoughts is by accepting them. It is pointless and unhealthy to pretend that we don’t have intrusive or negative thoughts every now and then. And by trying to run away from these thoughts we are only deluding ourselves.

In fact, we invest more energy in these thoughts when we try to avoid and suppress them, rather than just acknowledging that they are there. And by running away from intrusive thoughts, we actually give them more power over our well-being.

The purpose of thinking is for our minds to produce new and better ways to respond to our environment. Some of this thinking is conscious, but a lot of it is unconscious. Our brains are constantly working “behind the scenes” to think of new and better ways to behave.

Sometimes, as a byproduct of this creativity, our brains think of some really bizarre and inappropriate ideas – intrusive thoughts. Thoughts that surprise us and make us ask ourselves, “Did I really just think that?” because they seem so out-of-character.

The answer is, “Yes, you really did just think that, and that’s okay.” Intrusive thoughts can often be a side effect of a healthy mind. And just because you have intrusive thoughts from time to time doesn’t mean you have lost your sanity. It means your brain is being active and creative – although maybe sometimes a little too creative.

Remember, just because you accept the thought doesn’t mean you need to act on it.

As explained above, intrusive thoughts are a natural occurrence. Therefore we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves for thinking bizarre and spontaneous things once and awhile.

It’s common for intrusive thoughts to be followed by feelings of guilt and shame, but try to understand that there is nothing to feel guilty over. After you accept your thoughts, try to watch them in a non-judgmental awareness. Don’t necessarily react to them or judge them as “good” or “bad.” Just sit back and passively watch them as if you were watching a movie.

If you watch your thoughts long enough in a non-judgmental state of awareness, you’ll notice that they eventually “ride themselves out” without much effort.

This is because our thoughts are always changing. Our mind is always going in new directions. So if we can be patient and wait long enough, intrusive thoughts will often go away all on their own.

In mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, there is a technique known as urge surfing that operates on this same principle. The main idea is that our thoughts and emotions are impermanent – they are in a constant state of flux. Therefore, even negative thoughts and emotions will eventually subside when we allow them too.

Through urge surfing we can remain non-reactive to our intrusive thoughts until they eventually become less intense and disappear. It’s analogous toward “riding out” a wave in the ocean. If we can remain balanced within the ebbs and flows, we can more easily navigate safely through the waves. In the same way, if we can remain patient and calm in the midst of intrusive thoughts, we can better overcome them.

It’s not always easy to disengage from intrusive thoughts, but with practice we can learn how to more easily let go of them. Once we learn how to do this, it doesn’t mean we won’t ever have intrusive thoughts anymore, but they will at least have a lot less influence over our mental well-being.

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It’s not that I’m against any of these things or that I’m against spending money. Instead I’ve been investing my money in different ways.

I’m not focused as much on buying new “stuff,” but buying experiences and memories – things that seem to enrich my life more than just collecting material things.

For example, instead of trying to keep up with the latest Macbook, I’d rather spend that money going to concerts with friends or hanging out at new bars and restaurants. Buying new experiences such as these often adds an extra meaning to our lives that material things fail to accomplish.

The reason buying experiences leads to more happiness than buying stuff.

Often when we buy that new pair of shoes or new car, we get a feeling called “buyer’s remorse.” This is our tendency to regret our purchases because we feel we may have made the wrong choice, or that we have spent too extravagantly, or something better will be available in the future.

However, a 2012 study published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that we aren’t as likely to get buyer’s remorse when we buy experiences.

The reason for this is that when we buy objects they are easily interchangeable with other objects. We get a brand new car, but there’s a new model out within the next 6 months. Material things tend to eventually become out-dated or broken. We get an initial boost in mood when we first buy them, but it quickly dies off.

Experiences, on the other hand, aren’t as easily interchangeable. You can’t trade your first concert experience for someone else’s first concert experience. It’s deeply personal to you – and it’s valuable to you and you alone. When we focus on buying experiences that we can never replace, we build memories and good feelings that stay with us for a lifetime.

Ways to spend money on new experiences.

There are many ways you can spend your money on new experiences:

• Going to a new bar or restaurant with friends.
• Attending a concert or sporting event.
• Planning a trip to a place you’ve never been before.
• Checking out a museum or art exhibit.
• Signing up for a new class or workshop.
• Joining a local club or community center.
• Taking up an extreme hobby like skiing or skating or paintball.
• Throwing a themed party at your house.
• Go camping or plan a mountain hike.
• Buy someone a surprise gift just to see their reaction.

When we spend our money on these types of things, we invest in building good memories. Memories that often stay with us and improve our lives in the long-term.

I’m sure you can still recall pleasant events today that happened in your life 10 or 20 years ago. The pleasure you get from these memories is often much longer lasting than the pleasure you get from solely material-based purchases, which lose their novelty far more quickly.

If you focus your spending habits on experiences vs. stuff, you’re likely to live a more happy and fulfilling life. Of course, this doesn’t mean we should never buy stuff – some material goods are necessary for a comfortable living. The key lesson is that buying things that directly lead to positive experiences often has a stronger impact on our well-being than buying stuff just because we want more.

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References

• Carter, Travis J. & Gilovich, Thomas. (2010). The relative relativity of material and experiential purchases. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 98. 146-159.
• Rosenzweig, Emily & Gilovich, Thomas. (2012). Buyer’s remorse or missed opportunity? Differential regrets for material and experiential purchases. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 102. 215-223.

Why do we constantly put off things that we know we should do? What does it take to motivate ourselves to follow through on these activities?

One big part of the answer is identifying activities that we tend to procrastinate on.

When we acknowledge what it is we tend to procrastinate on the most, we better prepare ourselves to overcome that procrastination in the future. Here are some of the most common things we tend to procrastinate on. How many of these apply to you?

You may procrastinate on…

1. Going to the doctor for a check-up.

2. Calling your family and friends to see how they are doing.

3. Paying your monthly bills now so you don’t have to worry about them later.

4. Updating your resume and searching for a job.

5. Answering your e-mails.

6. Starting that hobby you always wanted to try.

7. Cutting out junk food we know is bad but continue eating anyway.

8. Leaving for work or school on time.

9. Doing your homework now so you can relax later.

10. Asking that guy/girl out on a date.

11. Cleaning up the house.

12. Donating to that charity you always wanted to.

13. Planning a vacation to a new country.

14. Finally going to the gym and working out.

15. Getting car maintenance done.

16. Reading that book your friend recommended you last year.

17. Telling someone a secret you’ve been hiding from them.

18. Going back to college.

19. Apologizing to someone after you’ve hurt them.

20. Telling someone you love them.

21. Creating something artistic and sharing it with others.

22. Waiting for that “perfect” moment to start your own business.

23. Doing laundry.

24. Cleaning the dishes.

25. Spending more time with your kids.

 




26. Starting to take small steps toward the life of your dreams.

27. Going to a concert or sporting event.

28. Learning how to speak a foreign language.

29. Taking a week off from work.

30. Running in a marathon.

31. Writing that book you always wanted to write.

32. Volunteering at a local community center.

33 Selling old stuff around the house you don’t use anymore.

34. Letting go of a mistake you made a long time ago.

35. Asking for something because you’re afraid the answer will be no.

36. Studying for an exam.

37. Getting to bed at a reasonable hour.

38. Having children.

39. Helping a friend with something they asked you to help them with.

40. Quitting smoking.

41. Getting married.

42. Shopping for groceries.

43. Putting out the garbage.

44. Buying new clothes.

45. Getting a place of your own.

46. Saving for retirement.

47. Breaking off from a relationship you know isn’t going to work.

48. Trying new recipes.

49. Getting a haircut

50. Doing something just for the fun of it.

Did I miss anything? What are some things you often find yourself procrastinating on?

Here is an experiment you can try in changing one small habit in your daily routine. The goal is to try it out successfully for one full week, then re-evaluate whether you would like to continue the habit change in the future.

Step 1: Choose one habit.

We all know the kinds of habits we want to change. They aren’t hard to think of. The problem is focusing in on one and putting in the effort to make it happen.

Concentrating all your energy on one habit is often better than trying to change too much at once. When we spread our efforts too thin, we burn out easily and nothing gets accomplished.

However, when we focus on one small but meaningful change, we are more likely to see it become a reality. Not to mention we build more momentum to make changes in the future.

If you can’t think of any small change to make, consider one of these common suggestions:

• Substitute every glass of soda with a glass of water.
• Wake up an hour early every morning.
• Sacrifice 15-30 minutes of TV each day and meditate instead.
• Read a chapter of a novel every night before bed.
• Do 10 push-ups every time you want to smoke a cigarette.
• Floss every morning.
• Write a blog/journal entry once a day.
• Make time in your schedule to jog a mile each day.
• Plan 2-4 social interactions throughout the week.

Remember to only choose one of these habits at a time. Also, try to choose something that is relevant to an area in your life that you want to improve.

Step 2: Stay committed.

Now that you have chosen your habit to practice for the week, the key is staying committed.

Because you are only making one simple change, try to be as disciplined as possible about it. If you slip up once, that’s fine, but try to not even let that happen. Remember, you are only trying to stay committed for one week, so it shouldn’t be that big of a deal.

Here are some suggestions to keep you motivated:

• Repeat an affirmation 10 times right when you wake up: “I will do X today.”
• Leave appropriate reminders around the house, such as a sticky note on your kitchen cabinet.
• Tell a couple supportive friends about your goal. Have them keep you accountable.
• Take 5 minutes and imagine yourself doing the habit. This kind of visualization can prepare you to do the action when it’s time.
• Notice the bigger picture. How can this habit benefit you in the long-term?
• Avoid excuses. It’s just one week, really.

Once the week is completed, take the time to reflect and ask yourself:

• Was this habit change worth it?
• How did it change my thoughts and emotions?
• How did it change my behavior?
• Did it improve the overall quality of my life?
• Is this a change I want to continue in the future?

If the answers to these questions are positive, then consider sustaining your new habit into the future. If not, scratch the new habit and try something different.

There are always adjustments to make in life. That doesn’t mean every new thing we try is going to be the best possible choice, but we should always consider room for improvement.

I hope this article has provided you with a simple and easy-to-use framework for trying new habits. A big part of self-improvement is experimentation and trial-and-error. This exercise encourages us to try new habits without feeling like they are set in stone.

At a biological level, our thoughts are millions of neurons firing off in our brain. These brain cells working together represent concepts, language, and knowledge that arise in our consciousness.

Our thinking reflects our map of reality. This is our view of the world and what we find to be true about it. The more accurate our map of reality, the better we can adapt to our surroundings.

The function of our thinking is to make decisions that eventually guide our behavior. Our map of reality is therefore instrumental to how we act and respond to the world.

Thinking and problem-solving.

Many psychologists define thinking as “mental exertion aimed at finding an answer to a question or the solution of a practical problem.”

Take a second and think about most of the things you think about throughout the course of your day. You will probably find that most of them focus on a question or problem in your life. Common thoughts may include, “What should I eat for lunch?” or “What college should I go to?” or “What should I do this weekend?”

Often our thinking is directed toward answering problems in our life. The more important the problem, the more time we usually spend thinking about it. For example, most people will spend more time thinking about what college they will attend instead of what they will eat for lunch. The bigger the impact of our decisions, the more we are going to want to think things through before finalizing our choice.

Some of the greatest thinkers of our time – scientists, philosophers, and mathematicians – have spent years focusing on just one problem in their lives. Many times the answers they’ve found have advanced civilization in unprecedented ways.

Thinking is one of the key reasons we have evolved so effectively as a species. It has led us to consider problems and find answers that other species cannot even conceptualize.

But, no, critical thinking isn’t just about scientific or technological breakthroughs. It also plays an important role in solving personal problems we experience in our own life. Everything from relationships to work requires some element of thinking and problem-solving. And it is up to us to think about our lives and improve them to the best of our ability using our knowledge and experience.

The need for reflection.

Thinking is valuable to our success in life, so it’s important that we all make time for reflection. We learn a lot throughout the course of a day, but if we don’t take the time to reflect on what we learn, then a lot of that information gets misused or forgotten.

Recent studies using fMRIs have shown that rats who were given a chance to reflect showed better signs of learning than rats who were not given a chance to reflect. Scientists now believe that “replaying a sequence of events in our mind” is an important mechanism in effective learning and memory retention.

Positive psychologist Tal Ben-Sahar draws a relevant distinction between information and transformation. “Information” is the raw sensory data that our brains collect throughout the day. “Transformation” is the framework we build around that data making up our map of reality. During transformation we decide what parts of our experience were most important and worth paying attention to.

I believe reflection is something we should all practice a short amount of time each day. Just 15-20 minutes of reflection can help you gain valuable insight into your day and how you can improve it tomorrow. This practice is essential to thinking more effectively.

While thinking does come with many benefits to our survival and evolution, it can also be counter-productive. For example, many who suffer from mental illnesses like depression, anxiety disorder, or OCD are excessive thinkers. They dwell on problems to unhealthy levels, especially about events in the past or things they have little control over.

This type of thinking is usually misdirected energy. Some people waste a lot of time and effort ruminating over things they can’t ever change no matter how much thinking they do.

When we find ourselves dwelling on a situation to no end, it’s important to re-direct our thoughts toward something more constructive.

Finding a healthy balance.

The goal of living a healthy mental life isn’t to avoid thinking altogether, but to change our thoughts to better serve our needs.

Sometimes it is appropriate to ruminate on an issue in our life until it is resolved. Other times it is appropriate to let go of re-occurring thoughts and move on.

Not every problem can be amended through contemplation.

The key is to find a balance that works. Thinking our way through problems is a valuable way of finding solutions. But too much thinking can exacerbate problems.

Learn to identify when your thoughts are serving your interests and needs – and when they are leading you down a road to nowhere. If you can make this distinction, then you have already won half the battle with your thoughts.

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