This is an interview with Chase Amante, a teacher of the social arts and author of How To Make Girls Chase.
Chase has been practicing and teaching how to pick-up women for over half a decade now. After working 3 years in San Diego, California, he now practices his studies abroad. Currently stationed in Beijing, China, Chase is living proof that the principles of attraction are virtually universal and cross-cultural.
In his 400+ page guide, Chase tells everything he knows on how to make men more attractive and seductive. He emphasizes key principles and techniques to help men achieve greater confidence, as well as how to get men to tap into their often neglected sexual and intimate nature around women.
His guide covers everything from body language and speech to cultivating the right attitudes and habits around women, and beyond.
Unlike other pick-up/seduction material, he doesn’t tell men to recite scripts or make up stories so that they appear better than who they really are. Instead, he offers tools that guys can use to authentically build upon themselves (without needing to hide their true personalities). He also doesn’t ignore the importance of things like fashion and physical appearance (which keeps his teachings firmly grounded in reality), but he does emphasize that these are only one of many factors (and they are rarely a deal-breaker).
Be warned, however, Chase’s teachings aren’t going to give you overnight success – Chase acknowledges at the very beginning this stuff takes both smart work and hard work.
I’m really happy Chase took the time to do this interview with me. You can tell he carefully thought out each response and he has a huge range of knowledge. Chase doesn’t just give hope to men who are in desperate need of improving their success with women; instead, he actively walks men through what they need to do in order to make their dreams with women into a reality.
Quick note: I was really tempted to break this interview down into 2 parts (because it’s nearly 4,000 words!) but then I thought: screw it, I might as well package all the information in one punch – what’s the point of making people wait to get the rest of it? That being said, because there is so much information in this post – I really encourage you to read through the entire thing so you don’t miss out on anything important.
How To Make Girls Chase: An Interview with Chase Amante
STEVEN: Hey Chase, I really want to thank you for doing this interview for our readers. I want to start by asking: how do you usually teach this stuff to guys? In particular, what role does a guy’s confidence play in being successful with women, and how can guys become more confident in themselves?
CHASE: I’m a big believer in teaching guys inner confidence and mental attitudes through outer experiences. Reason being, you can talk about inner game until you’re blue in the face, and get people really excited, but even if you do that for a whole weekend, you won’t change guys half as much as if you just get them out there talking to a few girls and having some good experiences. The guy who builds up positive experiences keeps going out and meeting new women and getting better and better; the guy who doesn’t, doesn’t.
I do start with a bit of an overview on the learning process. I make it a point to let guys know that it isn’t easy to get good with women, and that it may very well be the hardest thing you ever do. But if you forge ahead, through all the hard nights and tough experiences, and you make yourself stick with it and you force yourself to confront your fears and you feel that fear and the uncertainty and you go out and meet girls anyway, you WILL improve, and you WILL get there, provided you keep at it.
I’ve heard it said that the pace of scientific innovation is never as quick as the optimists say it will be, but it’s never as slow as the pessimists proclaim it’ll be, either. Getting good with women is like that; it never happens as fast as you think it will in your fantasies, but it never happens as slow as you think it will after a tough night that leaves you feeling like you’ll never get any better with girls.
One other thing I like to start with is giving guys a quick and dirty roadmap to getting a girl. I feel like pretty much everyone out there – from the mainstream dating advice people, to the other folks teaching in the pick up industry – they all focus on getting part of the way through an interaction with a woman. Like, get her to like you, that’s all you need to do. No wonder guys are nervous – what do you do after she likes you? The advice gets a lot hazier at that point.
My roadmap is, who cares if she doesn’t immediately like you – focus on moving her instead. You’d be surprised how often you’ll meet a girl who seems to be really flirty and nice, but you try to move her and she won’t go with you; you try and get her home and she’ll decline. But other times you’ll have a girl who doesn’t seem to be into you at all; she’s being rude, she’s distracted, but if you ask her to move with you she does; and when you invite her home, she goes with you, and the two of you end up becoming lovers and you later realize she’s a wonderful person, but she was just having a bad night.
STEVEN: In other words, first impressions aren’t everything?
CHASE: Thing about first impressions is they’re a two-way street. A lot of people think of first impressions as being one-way — there’s how you make your impression on others, and that’s it. But there’s also how good others are at reading between the lines of that impression. Like, if a guy who’s not all that experienced socially yet and hasn’t built up his social intuition much goes out and runs into a girl who’s acting rude, most of the time he’s going to shut down right then, feel a little intimidated, and get away from her or not talk to her. But a guy who’s been around the block, on the other hand, he’s much better sizing a woman’s real character up pretty fast, regardless what her mood is right then in the moment. It’s like the difference between a guy who can only see a diamonds when they’re sitting on a nice black cloth, and a guy who’s good at finding and identifying the diamonds in the rough.
Moods are temporary, and they aren’t who someone is. The guy who meets a girl who’s dancing wildly at a nightclub is going to be sorely disappointed if he thinks she’s always like that, you know? Especially in extreme situations — like walking up and meeting a stranger, for example — you’ve got to go in with a certain expectation that people may not act themselves right off the bat.
STEVEN: A lot of guys seem to have the belief that they need to bend over backwards to get girls to like them. They think they always need to buy a girl drinks or nice gifts, get the door for her every time, and practically kiss her toes whenever she enters the room. They think if they do all these things correctly (“treat her like a princess”), then the girl should fall for them, but how might this common strategy actually be counter-productive?
CHASE: Instead of making the focus – “get girls to like you” – which is a horrible focus, by the way, because the best way to get girls to like you is to be really, really friendly, which is actually quite detrimental toward making a woman want to become your lover – I instruct men to make the focus first to keep meeting girls until they find one they like who’s responding well enough to them too, then to seek to move her to somewhere else within the venue, then to either set up a date and grab a number and say goodbye, or to invite her home.
STEVEN: Yes, definitely. I think the problem with the “get girls to like you” mentality is that it makes men come from a place of desperation. You feel like you have to mold yourself to act a certain way to get her to like you (such as doing “really, really friendly” things), and your actions come from a place of weakness and insecurity.
I don’t think that “being friendly” in itself is a bad thing though, only when it comes from this place of desperation.
CHASE: Yes, you know, that’s really an excellent point. Trying to make people like you is a really harmful, detrimental mindset — it’s one I had for a long time, from the time I was about 13 until I was maybe 24 or 25 — and it can really grind you up inside. The worst part about it is, there’s no end point! You never “win;” you can never say, “All right, Casey likes me; mission accomplished.” Nope, because she can always like you more, and she could always like you less, too. You have to keep working at it forever.
As for being friendly, that’s totally fine, though you want to combine it with having an edge. Most people talking about dating you’ll hear tend to recommend that either you be really friendly and that’s it (but that ends you up in the friend zone — not so effective at getting you girlfriends and lovers) or you be really edgy and that’s it (that’ll get you more girls in the short term, but good luck holding onto them). You look at a guy like George Clooney though, and there’s a man you’d say is a relatively friendly guy — but he’s still got a very noticeable edge. Combining warm, genuine friendliness (not the fake “pretend to be nice” friendliness a lot of men mistake for the genuine variety) with a sexy, attractive, appealing edge makes for a deadly and highly charismatic combination.
Also, having a concrete set of goals like “meet lots of girls, try to move them, then try to get them home” is a lot easier to wrap your head around and go out and do than a big amorphous blob of a goal like “try and get girls to like me.”
STEVEN: There’s often a big elephant in the room whenever there is a discussion about attraction – and that’s how big of a role looks play in picking-up women. What do you say to guys who may not be the best-looking dudes in town, but still want to be successful. (I know you cover all of this information in your guide, but try to summarize some of the main points for our readers).
CHASE: Well, that’s a good question, and the answer’s not what you probably think.
So, first, looks matter. But don’t go crazy on looks – it’s not like with women; they only matter to an extent. Lose excess weight, get trim, wear clothes that fit you well (I’m 6’00” and 160 lbs. with an athletic body type and I wear American size “small”), learn fashion and dress with style and flair. Wear something unique, but also subtle – don’t do outlandish so much, unless you can do it in a classy way. Find a highly rated fashion hairstylist – male, preferably – in your town, and tell him that you want sexy and edgy (but still able to be put into a “work safe” mode if you’ve got a day job) and that your hair’s his canvas, so do with it what he will. Watch how he styles it so you can style it yourself, too. Get facial hair – it’s underrated how much this helps – a trim moustache and goatee, a chinstrap and soulpatch, or, my current favorite, facial stubble with a clean shaven neck. Stubble and facial hair turns “boys” into “men,” and it’s amazing what a difference a few days’ growth can make in your reception from women.
But beyond that, I’ve met girls leaving the gym in a sweat-drenched undershirt and had them pick me up. I’ve had occasions where it rained and my styled-up hair became a frizzy afro, or I was sick to my stomach and looking like a ghost, and I still did crazy things with women. And not always when I was amazing with girls… I had experiences like this back when I still struggled to get dates. So I think it’s important guys never get into the habit of thinking, “Oh no, I’m not wearing my best outfit… I can’t go talk to her like this!”
The thing looks do for you is they get the door open more easily, but that’s it. I’ve met tons of tall, wickedly handsome men that the women around me were drooling over for their looks, and had those men confess to me that in fact they never got girls, and that all the attraction women had for them at first faded quickly into friendliness when the guy couldn’t figure out what to do with that attraction.
Fact is, most men aren’t closers – they aren’t guys who will take a woman’s interest in them and actually do something with it before that interest is gone. The first guy I ever met who was really, really good with women was an old coworker of mine – a tire salesman named Jim. Jim was 5’3″, Puerto Rican, 23 when I knew him, with a big beer belly and a touch of a premature bald spot, but he also sported an easy laugh, a megawatt smile, and a magnetic personality. He was a gifted salesman, and he had a beautiful, devoted blonde girlfriend, and a ton of other lovers on the side, including the boss’s stunning British cousin, who visited America for two weeks, and by the time she returned home to England she was calling my buddy late at night and telling him she hadn’t slept with her boyfriend since she got back and that she was staying up at night touching herself thinking about him.
The next guy I knew who was really good with women was a roommate of mine in college – a 5’6″ Asian guy who pulled off (and still pulls off) the craziest things with girls. Even when he was (briefly) in a committed relationship, he still had women – some of them tall, very pretty, and with incredible bodies – chasing after him. And at the time, his Chinese accent was so thick I couldn’t understand how American girls could even understand him, let alone chase him. I mean, he wasn’t exactly the stereotype of “sexy” that you see on TV. But chase him they did.
The difference with Jim, and the difference with my old college roommate, and with a dozen other guys I’ve known since then who had wild results with women – some tall, some short; some ridiculously good-looking, some decidedly lacking in the looks department; some wealthy, some dead broke – was that they were men who closed, and women could tell it. While most guys are sitting there like rocks, fretting over whether a girl thinks they’re too fat or too short or too poor or too whatever, these guys just went “to hell with it,” and took the girls they liked by the hands and ran away with them somewhere and found out what happened. In fact, I just had a short, none-too-cute unemployed friend of mine dating a tall, pretty, blonde ESPN sportscaster. Why was she dating my friend, when she no doubt had so many options, you’d think? Because he made it happen, and all the other men she met didn’t.
There are few guarantees in life, and even fewer in love. Nobody knows if that girl from class or work or the coffee shop or the bus stop or the bar down the road is going to end up being your lover or girlfriend or wife or if she’s going to wave you off and go back to whatever it is she was doing. The only guarantee is, if you approach doing well with women as a skill, instead of as a life-or-death now-or-never this-is-my-only-shot sort of deal like most men do every time they see a pretty girl they like, you will improve, and you will get higher quantities of women, higher qualities of women, and a greater amount of satisfaction in your love life.
STEVEN: It sounds like your guide is primarily about getting intimate with women (“moving a girl”), from first saying “Hi” to getting her in bed. I was wondering if your book has anything to offer individuals who may not be AS interested in only having sex with women, but instead wanting to be more effective at dating or simply maintaining a relationship?
Will some people be turned off by the direct, sexual intent of your book?
CHASE: Good questions, Steven. Well, you’re right — the book is very much geared toward showing men how to build a solid, consistent process they can use to meet the women they want and take them as lovers. Much of what’s discussed is highly applicable in relationships too, and I’ve had lots of people commenting that what they learned from reading my book they’ve been using with everyone in their lives, but the book is directed at teaching men to attract and become intimate with women.
I’ve seen lots of different men’s approaches on trying to bring women into their lives, and I’ve tried a great deal of them myself. The vast majority do not work. The fact is — and this is a pretty uncomfortable truth for a lot of people to hear — the longer you know a woman without becoming her lover, the smaller the chance becomes that the two of you will ever get together.
Before anyone objects or gets offended at this notion, a simple question to ask: how often do you end up dating someone you’ve known for a really long time?
The mainstream would have you think everyone people ended up dating was a really close person to them they’d known forever. Like, each one of Sally’s boyfriends was one of those guys who’d been chasing after her for 2 or 3 years. Eventually, each guy got his shot with her, goes the thinking. He just had to wait it out long enough.
But what you actually see most often is guys who think a girl is their dream girl, and they chase her for ever and ever, but meanwhile she’s dating a bunch of other guys she’s just met. Because that’s how dating works — once a woman’s known a guy for a little while, she puts him into a category, and if the category you end up in isn’t “lover” or “boyfriend,” it’s really, really hard to climb out of there and re-categorize yourself later on down the road.
So how do you get into the “lover” category or the “boyfriend” category? Well, the easiest, most reliable way is to actually become a girl’s lover, and, if you like, become her boyfriend.
That aside, if a guy’s primary goal is dating around to find the one girl he likes and make her his girlfriend or wife, there’s a lot of material in this book that’ll help him immensely. Regarding relationships, I specifically did not go into the topic of relationship management — that’s a huge topic in and of itself, and this book alone on just how to actually get a girl is already pretty darn long — I may at some point do a separate book on it. But no point putting the cart before the horse — I wanted to get the one on how to get the girl out first, and the one on how to keep her I’ll get out later!
Most of the stuff in the dating and relationship advice category is very much just feelgood, pump-you-up stuff that doesn’t provide much practical, actionable, how-to advice. There’s a lot of fluff like, “Just be yourself! It’ll all work out. Do what comes naturally!” that maybe leaves you feeling happy when you’re finished reading it, but you’re still no better at dating, at getting lovers, at getting girlfriends, at making them want to stick around and be with you over the long haul.
So that’s what I focused on putting together. A focused, direct book on the mechanics of how to actually get girls interested in you, how to make yourself more attractive, how to make conversation with the opposite sex, how to move things forward with women, and how to get together with them. Will some people be put off by that? Perhaps. I’d like to think I’m an eloquent enough writer that I can get my point across without coming across too boorish, so hopefully the offended represent a small minority. I wanted to get something out for all the guys who really want to know this stuff, though, because I haven’t come across anything anywhere near as thorough and comprehensive. So if I have to offend a handful of people in order to get the guys who really want to improve themselves and find greater success with women the information they need, I guess that’s the path I’ve taken. I’d be surprised if too many people were offended by this book, though. Heck, I let my mother read it (although, admittedly, she was a child of the ’70s).
I want to again thank Chase for taking a big chunk out of his day to answer these questions and share some really valuable information. I hope the readers here appreciate his effort too. If you find his teachings interesting, be sure to support him by checking out, “How To Make Girls Chase.” I personally think there are some big answers in this book that many guys have probably been searching to find for a long time now. I’ve personally read a lot of books on this subject in the past, and I can tell Chase knows his stuff better than just about anyone else in the field.
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