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3 Reasons Your Therapist May Be Failing You

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Before I begin, I must say that I’m not against therapy whatsoever.

Therapy can be an incredibly valuable tool in improving yourself and well-being. Therapists provide social support, someone to listen to you, and often times someone to give you constructive feedback on how to improve your life.

However, not all therapists are necessarily good therapists. In fact, there are a lot of really bad ones out there who can end up doing more harm than good. Perhaps you’ve had your own bad experiences with therapy? Perhaps you’ve still yet to find a good therapist who really works for you?

If you’re currently seeing a therapist and you like them: good, keep going to them and getting help. Don’t let me stop you.

But if you’re currently seeing a therapist and you don’t like them, here are 3 reasons your therapist may be failing you.

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Why You Should Believe in Hard Work Over Genes

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“People ask why I train so much and work so hard. Well the answer is simple: I will not allow somebody with twice the genetics and half the determination be better than me.”


Are you more a product of nature or nurture?

This has been a big question ever since the birth of psychology, and most research today shows that who “you” are is influenced by both nature (genes and biology) as well as nurture (habits and environment).

However, when it comes toward achieving your goals, it may be better to focus more on the “hard work” part rather than the “genes” part.

The simple truth is you can’t change your genes. So if you think you are nothing but a product of your genes, than what you’re really saying is, “I don’t have any choice or control over my life.”

But by focusing more on hard work, you put some of the power back in your hands. You accept that you do have some choice over where you end up in life – and that’s hugely important for success and happiness.

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The Power of “10 Second” Relationships

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10 second relationships

Every time we leave our homes, there is opportunity for social interaction.

This is true even if it’s just something small – like talking to the cashier at a grocery store, or saying “Hi” to a neighbor, or complimenting someone’s shirt who you see on the bus or train.

Many of us try to ignore these mini “10 second” relationships. We see them as small and pointless. What’s the use in being friendly to someone if you’re likely never going to see them again?

However, a recent study shows that small talk can improve feelings of belonging and positive emotions. And another study discovered that when we force ourselves to talk with strangers, even when we don’t want to, it still provides an unexpected boost in our overall mood.

We often underestimate how much we need social interaction to feel happy and satisfied with our lives. This includes even the smallest types of socializing.

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Do You Talk About Your Problems Too Much?

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talk about your problems

We all need to express our feelings every now and then. And it’s good to have people who will just listen and be supportive of us when we are feeling down and in the dirt.

However, there’s a point where you can talk about your problems too much – and even become addicted to your negative experiences and emotions.

For example, a recent study shows how we can sometimes become addicted to negative emotions like grief and disappointment. And another study shows how painful experiences can even activate “pleasure centers” in the brain.

Perhaps this is because we often prefer feeling “something” rather than “nothing” – even if it happens to be a negative and painful experience.

In the same way, many people depend on their problems and drama to feel alive and important. And they have to constantly talk about these problems and share them with others.

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Patience and the Healthy Expectation of Future Difficulties

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Our patience is strongest when we have a healthy expectation of future difficulties and obstacles in our lives.

Patience often comes with accepting that struggles and hardships are a part of life, and it thereby prepares us to face these struggles and hardships when they actually happen.

I don’t believe we should anticipate that everything is going to go wrong all of the time. Of course, too many negative expectations can become a self-fulfilling belief.

However, I do think we should anticipate that some things are going to go wrong sometimes.

Being optimistic about life is important, but it has to be within reason too – we have to accept the fact that sometimes things won’t work out exactly as we plan, regardless of how positive we are.

That’s what patience is all about.

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