Social anxiety often stems from a fear of disapproval. Not just from bosses, but also from coworkers, customers, or anyone else that we may need to interact with.

This fear of disapproval can be so strong that we may avoid these situations entirely.

Research has shown that people with social anxiety are more likely to take off from work (for example, calling in sick even when they aren’t really sick). They also have higher unemployment rates and are more likely to settle for lower incomes.

Last month the unemployment rate in the U.S. held steady at 9.1%. I wonder how many of those people are unemployed because they are too afraid to step out of their comfort zone and find a job? These psychological causes can often be underrepresented in economic data.

I believe self-esteem is incredibly important to a healthy economy and healthy workers.

People need to feel confident in themselves if they are willing to try new jobs, interact with new people, and adapt to new work environments.

A person with social anxiety will often have difficulties in these areas of life. Their fear of disapproval is often rooted in the belief that they are inadequate. Instead of being judged negatively, they would rather not try at all.

This becomes a vicious cycle. Socially anxious people avoid social situations because they fear rejection from others, but by acting in this way they essentially reject themselves.

If you are socially anxious and it’s affecting you from finding a job, here are some tips:

• Remember that most people aren’t judging you. Most of the time people are too concerned with themselves than to be busy judging you. So don’t be too anxious about other people’s thoughts – there’s a good chance they aren’t about you.
• Don’t expect to please everyone. We all have our fair share of differences, and it’s unrealistic to expect us all to get along perfectly. Accept the fact that you’re going to mix better with some people over others and don’t feel obligated to win everyone over.
• Reflect on your positive traits. Focusing on your strengths can be very important in building self-esteem and overcoming social anxiety. We can overcome many insecurities by recognizing skills and talents that distinguish us positively from others. I believe everyone can discover something positive in themselves if they do some honest self-reflection. Try to make a list of 5-7 of your strengths.
• Gradually expose yourself to social situations. If you’ve been unemployed for awhile, you may feel extremely uncomfortable just jumping right into a new job. Try slowly exposing yourself to social situations again by volunteering a couple times a week. This is just one way to hone your social skills outside of a job – it can also be something positive to put on your resume.
• Learn to fail forward. Failure is often unavoidable. You aren’t going to nail every job interview. And you aren’t going to get every raise. The goal isn’t to avoid failure, but learn how to take these failures, learn from them, and persist forward. Use them as a source of motivation, not something that makes you quit.

These are some key tips for overcoming social anxiety. For more information check out The Shyness and Social Anxiety System.

I object to this perspective.

I think a healthy workplace depends on our ability to feel more in control. And while some jobs don’t permit us with a lot of freedoms, there are always a few key things we can do to make our work environment more bearable and less stressful.

So let’s get straight to some of the things you can do.

Ease tension with coworkers and bosses.

Relationships can make or break a work environment. When people don’t get along and don’t know how to communicate effectively, there is a lingering tension in the office that can ruin everyone’s day.

We dread walking into the office, not because we don’t like what we do, but because we have to deal with an assortment of jerk-offs, bullies, whiners, and other vampires who suck up any positive energy in the room. Every office has them.

So what can we do? First, you have to learn how to let a lot of this negative energy just roll off your shoulders. The more you respond to negative energy in a negative way, the more you are contributing to the problem. Trying to reframe some of the negative aspects of work in a humorous or joyful way is often very effective for breaking the cycle of negativity in your work environment.

When someone makes a sly remark to you, just nod your head and smile. When someone gives you an order in a condescending tone, just imagine that person with a baby face talking in a really high-pitched voice. When someone starts a heated argument with you, know how to defuse it as soon as possible (whether that means cracking a joke or politely walking out of the room).

No, you won’t get along with everyone, but there will always be some people who you hit it off with better than others. Build solid relationships with these people. Get to know them better. Have lunch with them. Share interesting stories. Vent about work to each other. Having a work buddy (or two, or three) can really help you get through those tough days.

Also, if you have a bad past with some coworkers, try to fix them. You can try to patch things up with them, apologize for your mistakes, and start again on the right foot. Or – if they are truly that unbearable – try to deal with them on strictly business terms and minimize any excess interaction.

If you can, consider avoiding some vampires entirely. Some people you just can’t get along with no matter how hard you try. It’s very likely your work environment has one or two of these people. Recognize those boundaries. Sure, it’s not the ideal situation to be in, but it’s better than feeding into a destructive relationship and making it grow worse. If avoiding these people means moving to another office or part of the company, consider bringing up your concerns to management.

Make your office come alive.

Despite spending most of our work hours cramped in our office, we often spend very little time keeping it fresh and stimulating. The truth is that our surroundings, even when not consciously noticed, can have a huge effect on our mood and well-being. For example, studies have shown that the presence of plants in the workplace help boost people’s moods and increase cognitive functioning.

Another study has shown that when workers have more control over the design of their workplace, this improves their happiness, productivity, and even health.

Often when working for large companies we can lose a sense of our personal identity. Your office is usually the one place you are allowed to express yourself. Create a work environment that works for you. Something that reflects some of your own values and interests. And something that motivates and inspires you.

If this means changing your office around every few months or so – do it. Keep things interesting. Make your work environment stimulating (but not too distracting).

Have healthy snacks around.

A lot of people get so focused on their work that they sometimes forget to eat. Or they have so much to get done, that they have to skip lunch to make sure they meet their deadline.

I’m a strong believer that we need to stay healthy and nourished if we want to be effective at our jobs. Ignoring our bodies, and focusing all our energy on our work, is going to drain you and hurt your work ethic.

No matter what kind of work you do, your body and brain need fuel to do it. This means drinking water and having healthy snacks between meals to keep your body replenished. The less you take care of your body, the more it’s going to affect your work.

A fatigued body and mind can’t possibly work to it’s fullest potential, so keep yourself hydrated and nourished as often as possible.

This rule is actually pretty simple and easy to follow. Re-stock your office with healthy snacks every Monday: grapes, nuts, water, cheese and crackers, tuna, eggs, etc. If you have the choice, I recommend storing this stuff in a personal office vs. the company kitchen. This just makes it easier to access food when you are in the middle of work (and it prevents other coworkers from taking your stuff).

Identify the purpose of what you do.

I don’t expect everyone to romanticize the importance of their job. It’s true that not everyone has a career that really resonates with them deep-down. I respect that. But I also think most jobs serve an important function in our society. And when you recognize that you are an important part of what keeps society going, you sometimes find a new sense of purpose and pride about the things you do.

Ever seen the documentary The Philosopher Kings? It’s an interesting portrayal of some custodial workers at major universities (Duke, Princeton, U.C. Berkely, etc.) who are really passionate about their job. Now normally a custodial worker may not be a very revered job, but these workers clearly had a fire in their souls for what they did. They cared about where they worked and how it looked, and they recognized the importance of their job.

We could all learn something from these custodians. No matter what type of work you do, it plays an important role in our society. Sometimes you just need to look at the “bigger picture” of your actions, and how it fits into the grand scheme of things.

Question:

In this article, I attempt to answer these important but often difficult questions. I then share 5 fundamentals on Regaining Consciousness, as laid out by psychology blogger Sam Spurlin. These fundamentals aim to cultivate a higher state of awareness toward key areas of our life, such as our values, health, work, thinking, and relationships.

Consciousness is the bedrock of your personal development.

Consciousness is more than just a passing thought, feeling, memory, or imagination, but the underlying awareness that permeates every experience you’ll ever have.

In order to define consciousness, it helps to first think of it as a spectrum of awareness.

On one end of the spectrum, there are lower levels of consciousness, including being distracted, lazy or bored. Usually in these states, we maintain some awareness of our environment, but not very much. We can probably get a lot of tedious chores done while being distracted or bored, but this isn’t the optimal state you want to be in when trying to achieve a big or meaningful goal.

The very lowest levels of consciousness are states like drug intoxication, sleep, or a coma, where we actually aren’t conscious at all – but unconscious. Most of the time we don’t get anything productive or creative done in these states (mostly because “you” aren’t actually around when you’re unconscious).

And on the opposite end of the spectrum, there are very high states of consciousness, like mindfulness and flow. These are states of mind where an individual is highly attentive and engaged with their environment, often interacting with it in very skillful and sophisticated ways (like a painter working on their masterpiece, a baseball player pitching a perfect game, or a life-long businessman pitching a big sale).

Unlike lower levels of consciousness, higher levels of consciousness are very optimal for goal-achieving and success in virtually any domain of life. This is because higher levels of consciousness always include supreme focus and discipline.

What I want you to understand is that, ultimately, the level of consciousness we cultivate throughout our day is the most fundamental components to our well-being and success. Personal development without conscious living is simply impossible – the more aware we are of ourselves and our environment, the more power and control we have to change it.

5 Steps Toward Regaining Consciousness

Sam Spurlin writes about Regaining Consciousness in his insightful e-book. The lessons covered are intuitive and thought-provoking, but also widely applicable to cultivating consciousness toward different (and often underestimated) areas in our life.

It reminds me of a more “contemporary” version of the popular Mindfulness in Plain English, because it’s primary focus is how to practice healthy consciousness throughout our daily activities (even with common things like eating and exercise) – not just during meditation.

Sam understands that cultivating consciousness is not just for Zen monks camping out in some cave, but something that can also be applied to the “American way” of living too. This means we can work on regaining consciousness even with a 9-5 job, bills to pay, and a family to take care of.

In the book there are 5 crucial steps laid out that anyone can follow to facilitate conscious living. I’m going to summarize each step here, but if you really want to read more about each one, I recommend you check out his book for yourself. I honestly couldn’t put it down when I first started it.

Find your values.

Going through life without a clear sense of our values and goals is a sure-fire way to not find happiness. Many people live their lives aimlessly and unconsciously (like a puppet on strings), without ever introspecting and asking themselves, “What do I really want in life? What direction do I want to go in?” To cultivate more consciousness toward our values in life, Sam suggests:

• Make a list of core values and narrow it down to your top 3-5. Imagine what your life would be like if you acted in accordance with these values.
• Don’t chase other people’s dreams – question the values you learn from authority figures, the media, TV, and pop culture.
• Listen to your heart and mind above all else. Do what you honestly think is right.
• Have priorities. Sure, you may value playing video games, but is it more important than taking care of your family or studying for school or doing something more creative like writing a song? It’s up to you.

Take control of your health.

Consciousness toward our health is absolutely crucial for physical and mental well-being. Everyday we make decisions that have to do with our bodies: what we choose to consume, and what kind of physical activities we choose to partake in. The more aware we are of what we eat and how much exercise we get, the better off our health will be. Sam suggests we:

• Make small and deliberate decisions to be healthier. Start by cutting down soda intake and replacing it with water. Or try just going for a short walk every morning. Start with little things and build from there.
• Be a conscious eater. When you eat, don’t distract yourself by reading the paper or surfing the internet. Instead, pay very close attention to how the food tastes and how your body is reacting to it.
• Tune into your body during physical exercise. For example, while running pay close attention to the mechanics of your legs/body, the motions of your breathing, and any other pain/aches/sensations in your body that you may be experiencing. Think of any physical activity as a way of meditating – and your body is the object of your meditation.
• Learn from the wisdom of your body. Our body is always sending us signals on it’s condition (like when you are hungry, when you need to use the restroom, when you tore a muscle, etc.) The more we are aware of these signals, the better we can respond to our body’s needs. You’d probably be surprised on just how much you can learn from your body if you listen to it.

Doing work that matters.

Next to our health, one of the biggest factors in achieving happiness is doing meaningful work with our lives. A dead-end job that doesn’t align with our values can feel like a curse. Instead of inspiring us and motivating us, it drains us of our energy and leaves us feeling empty inside. On the other hand, a meaningful job that actually matters to us is drastically more fulfilling. Here’s what Sam recommends we do:

• Re-evaluate your current job. What do you like about it (if anything)? What purpose do you fulfill? Does it align with your values?
• If you aren’t happy with your job, begin searching for alternative career paths that you find more fulfilling. In the book, Sam mentions how he used to be a teacher (and he liked his job), but becoming self-employed aligned with more of his values and interests, so he made the switch.
• Pay attention to activities that put you into a state of engagement and flow. Very often these passions of yours can point you in the right direction when choosing a job or career.
• A big goal in my personal life is to find work that I love but also serves an important function in improving society.

Master your mind with conscious thinking.

A big part of Regaining Consciousness is taking more control over our education, thoughts, beliefs, and perspective. Throughout the guide, Sam asks us to challenge our old assumptions and beliefs, accept our ignorance about certain topics, and willingly seek to improve our knowledge and attitude about the world. He recommends you:

• Acknowledge that you have a limited perspective. You don’t know everything, so don’t be stubborn and act like you do.
• Try to look beyond any biases or prejudices you may have by looking at new information as neutrally as possible.
• Become an active learner. Choose a topic that has always fascinated you, go to the library, and then take out a few books on it. Read up on it and share what you learned with others.
• Go “Wikipedia surfing.” Go to an article, read through, it and click on any links that interest you. Keep continuing the process until you feel you have learned something new and interesting that you didn’t know before.
• Always maintain a healthy curiosity and willingness to learn. We don’t stop being students after we graduate high school or college.
• Listen to everyone’s views. Respect that other people may have different experiences, knowledge, and beliefs than you do. Ignore the trap of having to label everything “right” or “wrong.”

Nurturing conscious relationships.

One of the most important steps toward conscious living is becoming more aware of the relationships that make up our world. For some of us, we may cling onto toxic relationships that end up hurting both ourselves and the other person. For others, we may have trouble cultivating meaningful relationships. In both cases, cultivating higher consciousness is crucial. Some of Sam’s suggestions include:

• Recognize the “vampires” in your life. These are people who are always being negative and sucking the energy out of you. They are the buzz-kill to every party and the rain to every parade. Stay far away from them. They are miserable – and they expect you to be miserable too.
• Associate with “vampire slayers.” Vampire slayers are people who crush negativity in their lives. Instead of draining you of energy, they empower and motivate you. They encourage you to pursue your values and goals, and they are always around to lend a helping hand when you need it.
• The essential rule of cultivating conscious relationships is to invest positive energy into the relationships that are valuable to us, and let the one’s that aren’t valuable fizzle out. Although it may be painful to get rid of old friends, it is sometimes the necessary thing to do.

Free Preview of “Regaining Consciousness.”

If you visit the Regaining Consciousness page you can check out the first 15+ pages absolutely free.

Maybe you read “revolt against money” and immediately thought, “Hell yeah – let’s do this! Money is evil, and we need to get rid of it – it’s ruining people’s lives.”

Or maybe you read the headline and thought, “Revolt against money? That’s ridiculous – money is what makes the world go ’round! We need money to survive.”

There’s no doubt about it – people have very strong beliefs about money.

I’m no different.

And throughout my meanderings into the blogosphere, I come across many different opinions about wealth and money.

• Some sites about money are scams, playing on people’s desires, promising you fast, easy, and effortless cash.
• Some sites about money just criticize those who try to make an extra buck writing e-books or doing coaching.
• Some sites about money proclaim the virtues of minimalism and relinquishing our desires for material possessions.
• Some sites about money proclaim the virtues of consumerism and the luxurious lifestyle.

I believe all of these extremes can reflect unhealthy beliefs about money. Rarely do I find a perspective that seems properly balanced (but I’m sure they exist…somewhere).

And I’ve written about these concerns before. In my post Money on My Mind: Tips for Financial Wellness I cite a declaration made by certain psychologists saying that our attitude about money is an often neglected factor to our happiness and mental health.

There are people at both extremes: those who worship money, and those who run away from it.

Of course, not everyone is at one of these two extremes, but from my personal experience many people unhealthily favor one side over the other. Here are some ideas I have to help cultivate a more balanced viewpoint that I find is more sensible and practical.

Money isn’t everything – no #$%!

One of the most common criticisms against money is that it “isn’t everything.” This is so glaringly evident to me that I wish I (and many others) didn’t feel the need to always say it (yet, here I am writing about it).

Yes, money isn’t everything. But that doesn’t automatically mean it has no value. My legs aren’t everything, but if I had the choice to have legs vs. not have legs – I would damn sure choose the legs!

In the real world, people are the same way with money. Most people when presented the choice to have more money vs. less money (all things being equal) will choose to have more money. Why is this?

Money can fulfill some of your values.

Okay, money can’t by itself buy you love or happiness, but it can fulfill some values in your life and other people’s lives.

At the very least, we understand that money is often necessary to provide food, shelter, and clothing – basic necessities. Let’s get that point out of the way – it’s moot.

Regardless of how much our basic needs are already satisfied, people will almost always choose to have “more money” over “less money” (all things, time and work, being equal). This is because money continues to satisfy values for us even when our basic needs are already met.

Yes, I get it – now that we have more money we can buy a new Xbox, or iPod, or Corvette – but that’s not the kind of value I’m talking about either.

Wanting more money doesn’t have to be a purely selfish thing. Money can be used to help others. You can donate to charities, organize a community event, invent something, fund scientific research, start a business, lend to a friend, or buy something from a local business and help your city’s economy, etc.

Money is just a tool that facilitates an exchange in value, but it is up to you to define the values in life that you want to support.

So one individual having more money than someone else can still be a net gain for all of society – it all depends on how that money was spent or invested.

I’ve said it before on this blog that I have very clear plans for making money throughout my life. Not just through this site (which I am currently in the process of monetizing), but through many different endeavors that I hope provide value to others.

And once I have money and I’m comfortable, I don’t just plan on splurging my earnings all on myself. I want to be a philanthropist. I want to be very active with charities and volunteer work, because I think those kinds of activities fulfill the deepest values for me (but they are values that are not OUTSIDE the context of “money” – money helps make those other values happen).

Why you shouldn’t get upset when your favorite blogger starts selling a product.

I mentioned earlier how I’ve been meandering through the blogosphere. I came across two posts within the past 24 hours that really irked me. I’m not going to bother linking to either one, but both basically said how online writers and bloggers who try to make money off their sites are doing a disservice to society.

Information and words, I am told, should always be free.

This poses a problem in my opinion.

If you enjoy a blogger, and you are educated and inspired by their writings, why wouldn’t you want them to be able to make a living doing that? Why would you subject them to have to also maintain a day job on the side, which only detracts that person from devoting more time doing something you you enjoy and receive benefits from.

I think the root of that “shouldn’t make money!” attitude is destructive. Not just to the person who wants to make a profit, but also to the people who enjoy the work and service they receive from that individual.

Keep in mind, in any voluntary marketplace, online or offline, you don’t have to buy anything you don’t want. No one is forcing you to buy their e-book, or their webinar, or their coaching. But if other people want to pay money to receive these things (if they perceive them as “valuable” enough to spend money on), then who are you to call the exchange illegitimate or evil or immoral.

This doesn’t mean there should be a price on everything.

Look, I’ve made it clear that I have intentions for making money on this site. I’m very open about that to anyone who asks me. But that doesn’t mean that everything I do here is solely driven by a profit motive. I genuinely enjoy writing about the things I do and interacting with like-minded people. I would still write about these things even if I wasn’t making money (although I definitely wouldn’t be writing about them as often).

If there is any proof of my dedication, it is the fact that I’ve written over 300 articles on this site and I’ve never charged anyone a single cent to read any of them. I don’t believe that everything needs to have a price-tag. And from my own research and experience, I’m actually discovering that giving away value (with no strings attached) is actually a great business model in the long-term.

I think – as a general trend – most businesses (especially online) have the incentive to offer the most value to their audience at the lowest and most reasonable price. In the end, I see these exchanges as a win-win for all parties involved.

I just wanted to get that off my chest.

I just wanted to get these things off my chest. I know I’ve written about some of these ideas in the past, but I’ve seen a lot of criticism lately and I wanted to clarify my point-of-view one more time (although it probably won’t be the last).

No, I don’t have an affiliate link to share with you, a product to sell, or even a link to my newsletter in this post.

I just wanted to voice my opinion – and you listening is all the value I needed in return. I appreciate it.

Questions.

• What are some of your beliefs about money?
• Do you think money is a net gain or net loss for society?
• Are some of your beliefs about money affecting your own career choices and spending habits?

Please leave a comment below!

Perhaps that is why, throughout my short 22 years, I have only seen a handful of people who are actually enthusiastic when they have to go to work.

I always wondered as a kid if I would be one of those rare enthusiastic people or instead if I’d be one of those people who constantly complains about their job without ever doing anything to change it.

The problem that I’ve noticed is that people have begun to expect that their jobs are supposed to suck. It’s become an attitude that has been conditioned into our society, and I believe it needs to be fixed. I often see people openly accept their misery and justify it by saying things like:

• A job’s a job.
• Whatever helps pay the bills.
• I’m supposed to work hard and follow the rules.
• Life’s a bitch.
• Etc…

The problem with this kind of language is that we begin to welcome miserable jobs into our life because we think that’s the norm. And when we think we are supposed to hate our jobs then we often settle for a job we hate. Go figure…

I decided before I ever graduated high school that I wasn’t going to fall victim to this attitude. And I knew before I ever started blogging that I was going to find ways to make a living doing things that I was passionate about and actually cared for.

The Zero Hour Workweek
Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.

The definition of “work” is a matter of perspective. If you love what you do, and you are intrinsically motivated to do your work, then it’s really no different than being dedicated to having fun or enjoying life.

If you’re a baseball player who loves playing baseball everyday, is that really comparable to what we usually mean when we say “job?” No, yet it is a job, and baseball players often get paid exorbitant salaries to do what they love.

What if you’re a musician who loves making music? Or a teacher who loves teaching? Or a doctor who loves taking care of his or her patients?

Everyone has a slightly different path, but if you do what you love, then it’s a lot less likely to feel like “work,” and a helluva lot more likely to feel like something that actually motivates you and makes you happy in the long-term.

In Jonathan Mead’s free life-changing guide, The Zero Hour Workweek, he describes this same attitude and why it is so important to a fulfilling job or career. He then gives you a step-by-step process on how to discover what makes you passionate and begin channeling that passion in productive ways. In it he shares a great quote by author James A. Michener that I believe really hits at the heart of the matter:

“The master in the art of living
draws no sharp distinction between
his labor and his leisure,
his mind and his body,
his work and his play,
his education and his recreation.

He hardly knows which is which.

He simply pursues his vision of excellence
through whatever he is doing
and leaves others to determine
whether his is working or playing.

To himself, he is always doing both.”

- James A. Michener

Re-defining Work
I’m not working I’m…playing, exploring, and creating.

I think if we want to be “productive” but still live a satisfying life then we need to re-define what we usually think of as work. There is nothing inherent in the definition that says we can’t have fun or that we can’t enjoy ourselves while doing it.

In previous posts I have advocated that we blur the line between work and play, by doing things like:

• Discovering productive activities that align with our core values.
• Focusing on aspects of our work that we enjoy.
• Trying to see the bigger picture of our actions.
• Making a game out of certain aspects of work we may not enjoy as much.
• Working with friends and like-minded people.
• Taking frequent breaks and leisure-time to avoid work overload.
• Being intrinsically motivated to push boundaries and be more creative.
• Etc…

If you have a job that doesn’t allow you to fulfill these kinds of requirements, then you may want to start making a change (not all at once, but at least in small doses). At least start looking for better alternatives, as I see no point in spending 40+ years at a job you absolutely can’t stand. None at all. That is simply too much time being wasted. You’re better than that.

The best part about Jonathan Mead’s The Zero Hour Workweek (besides the fact that it is free) is that it begins to give you a detailed view on some of the things you can start doing to build a venture that aligns with your interests, values, and passions.

Keep in mind, making any change is going to be difficult. For the time being, you may be dependent on your old ways, your old job, and your old way of viewing the world. This isn’t a shift that is going to happen overnight, but it’s a shift that may be worth making in the long-run. You shouldn’t ever stop fighting for your values, whatever they may be, so take advantage of this one shot you have at life while you’re still here.

Questions

1) Are you happy with your job right now?

2) If not, what do you imagine that you’d rather be doing?

3) In general, what activities in life are you most passionate about?

Please use the comment section and share your answers and thoughts!