It takes up a lot of unnecessary energy to always be positive – and I’m not convinced it’s the healthiest way to go about life. Worst of all, I just feel like a damn phony every time I plaster on a smile knowing I’m really in a bad mood.

Why can’t I permit myself be in a bad mood every now and then?

Sometimes shit happens: I get upset, I get frustrated, I get angry, I get jealous. These are a part of being human, so why shouldn’t I be allowed to feel them from time-to-time?

I feel that to live any other way is self-denial. We should train ourselves to see the good and the bad as two parts of the same whole. Emotional intelligence requires that we listen to and accept all emotions, because each can have something valuable to offer. Emotions are a resource, not a crutch.

This is what has always bothered me about the positive movement. So many people in it are all “POSITIVE POSITIVE POSITIVE!” They force a smile on their face and speak with a superficially chirpy tone at all times. I can’t help but think of it as a way of ignoring reality. When something negative happens, I imagine they push it deep down into their soul, then go on their merry ways.

It’s not healthy. When the allure of a positive mindset overtakes our willingness to accept reality – there are consequences. Take, for example, the recent blood on the hands of The Secret. One of the leaders of the “Law of Attraction” movement, James Arthur Ray, was recently found guilty for negligent homicide due to 2 deaths and 18 hospitalizations of attendees during his “Spiritual Warrior” retreat. The participants apparently went 2 days without water and were then left alone in a desert on a “vision quest.” The circumstances were dangerous and outrageous, but Ray believed that the power of belief could overcome them. He was wrong, and real damage was done.

When you are dehydrated and you have a thirst for water, that is not a figment of your imagination, but a feeling that reflects your reality.

A similar thing can be said for other feelings and emotions. When we feel sadness after the death of a loved one, or fear when our lives are actually at stake, those are natural and rational reactions to those kind of events. Those feelings aren’t there to be ignored, but to be acknowledged and listened to.

We should permit ourselves to be negative because we never know when those negative feelings might be telling us something important.

Embracing your shadow every now and then.

Sometimes, I like to go a step beyond permission. Sometimes, I think it’s appropriate to even provoke “negative feelings” in order to express them and release them (in a healthy and safe way). I think acknowledging the “lows” also gives us a greater appreciation of the “highs.”

I think that’s why people enjoy the occasional thrills of a roller coaster or scary movie. Sometimes, it’s exciting to be afraid. Sometimes, it’s healthy to be sad. I think it helps remind us the full-range of being human. I think it helps us exercise feelings that we may sometimes suppress or avoid.

That’s why I like a lot of provocative movies, music, entertainment, and art. It provides a healthy release for me. It gives me a chance to express the full-range of my character in a way that doesn’t harm myself or others.

Why do people like watching movies such as Requiem for a Dream, or Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, or Saw IV? Rarely does anything “good” happen in these movies, instead most of it is people’s lives being ruined. Yet people like to live vicariously through these movie characters, even if it is a situation they would never want to be in for real.

Perhaps it is just “neat” to be able to share an experience even though it’s not really happening to us. Or maybe it’s deeper than that. Maybe it somehow leaves us with a newer appreciation for life.

When I think of these things I am reminded of the Stoic concept of “negative visualization.” The Stoics would often imagine themselves in worst cast scenarios because they found that it made them more grateful for what they do have in life, not what they don’t.

In the same way, I think watching movies that take us to an extreme can actually provide us with a new balanced and healthy perspective on our own lives.

And I believe this also applies to other forms of art or personal expression: music, writing, poetry, sculpting, photography, dancing, cooking, fashion – anything that helps you with that emotional release. When people give themselves an avenue to constructively channel negative emotions, they can better navigate through the ebbs and flows of life.

The Yin-Yang Theory of Mental Health: Don’t ignore the ebbs.

The key here is to not ignore the ebbs. They are really there. Sometimes life has difficulties, sometimes we feel down. These aren’t aspects of life we should or can avoid.

Instead, we can learn how to better manage through these difficulties, perhaps even embrace them (to some extent) by seeing them as a means of growth, character-building, and balance.

I sometimes think of this as the yin-yang theory of mental health. The truth is that the dichotomy between “negative” and “positive” is really illusory. They aren’t separate. They are two sides of the same river, and you can’t have one side without the other. They come together.

This idea of “interdependence” is best depicted in the symbol of a Yin-Yang:

A yin-yang symbolizes many of the dualities we experience throughout life. Notice how even in white, there is a bit of black; and even in black, there is a bit of white. This represents the interdependence between many dichotomies we experience throughout life.

Thought exercise: How can you define darkness without defining light? What about success or failure, life or death, happiness or suffering?

Through contemplation you’ll often find that these concepts aren’t separate, but in fact intrinsically interconnected. They are two parts of the same process. This holds true for most of the ebbs and flows we experience throughout life. We simply cannot have one without having the other.

(If you’re interested in this you may also be interested in my article: Depression: The Yin of Happiness).

My biggest point here is to not be so dismissive of your negative emotions. That can be a trap that many “positive thinkers” fall into, but what they don’t realize is that they are ignoring half of who they really are.

There is a great benefit in paying attention and acknowledging the full-range of what it means to be human. Embracing all sides of life often helps us to manage our expectations, by giving us a more balanced worldview, and consequently we become more satisfied with our lives as a whole (no matter what it has to throw at us).

I like having dreams. I am not afraid to follow them, and I think it is never too late to try and pursue something new unless you are resting on your deathbed cold and numb.

But who am I kidding? I am only 21 years old. I have so much time, energy, creativity, and passion waiting to manifest. I have the world in the palm of my hands. Yes, I really do – so why not aspire? Light the candles of my inner passions a little. Not just avoiding death, but living life. Let my rockstar come out!

Who is my inner rockstar?

If Carl Jung were here giving me some counseling – he would probably ask, “Who is your inner rockstar? What is his personality like and what are his values in life?”

Jung would agree that my inner rockstar is a construction of my mind: a product of my background, society, culture, attitude, and experience.

When I think “rockstar” a few key ideas pop into my head:

• Rebellion

Rockstars do what they want. They don’t take shit from anybody and if you try to suppress a rockstar’s will or desire, you bet he is going to topple over you to get to where he wants to be. This rebellious attitude is so often what impressionable children and teens find so attractive in rockstars.

• Exploration

Whether it is in the tour bus or sitting in the studio, rockstars are always exploring. Exploring new sounds, new themes, new artwork, new ideas. Once they put together a CD they begin touring; seeing new sides of the country, maybe even getting a chance to travel to Europe and Japan if they are big enough. Being a rockstar is both an exploration inwards (artistically) and outwards (socially).

• Spontaneity

Jamming on stage is spontaneous, meeting new people backstage, having fans come up to you in five star restaurants, trying to keep the fellow bandmates from strangling each other during another long bus trip. Living the life of a rockstar, you never know what is going to happen next. Life can be hectic, it can slap you in the face from time-to-time, but it is a sign that you are alive and in the fast lane. It may bring you moments of pleasure and pain, but they certainly won’t be dull.

• Leadership

Rockstars often have big egos, which isn’t necessarily a good thing, but it is a price to pay when you are put in a position of power. You are in the limelight. People and paparazzi follow you around asking questions and concerns. You have young teens and adults coming to your shows, feeling inspired, using your music as a gateway towards a more fulfilling life. In some ways, a big rockstar can be even more influential in shaping society than most politicians.

• Enjoyment

In the end I think a lot of people just want to become rockstars because it looks fun and enjoyable. Think about how much better your life would be if you got to do something that you absolutely loved each and everyday of your life. You’re getting paid massive amounts of money to play guitar, bang away on the drums, or scream into a microphone. If you have never had the urge to play an instrument before, or if you’ve never had the dream to make a living doing what you love…get the fuck out of here… you are lying (don’t take my harsh words too seriously – I am just in my rockstar mindset).

I don’t want to over psychoanalyze my inner rockstar. Just become more aware of it. I want to discover which characteristics about the idea resonate with me most. I want to activate that “little me” that has been hiding inside, as if it were a little switch in my mind that I could just flip ON.

Using archetypes to build character

Of course it would always be nice to be a real rockstar. But I don’t seek to be other people, I seek to be a better me. And using role models (even in the form of abstract symbols or archetypes) can help guide us in improving certain aspects and characteristics of our life.

Let’s say for example that I wanted to be more spiritual. I could consciously create an archetype in my head by integrating different aspects of all my favorite spiritual leaders. People like the Dalai Lama, Buddha, Gandhi, Robert Thurman, Thich Nhat Hanh, Lao Tzu, Eckhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra, Osho, Mooji, Jesus, etc.

Then once I created this prototype of a spiritual leader, I can begin to extrapolate certain characteristics that I find are universal about it:

• Compassion and loving-kindness towards others.
• Dedication to one’s practice.
• Calmness and patience.
• Wisdom and acknowledging the unknown.

This is just a rough start, but as you can see you can create an archetype fairly quickly – just open up Microsoft Word and start jotting some things down. The idea here isn’t to yearn to become one of these other individuals, but to extrapolate a lesson from them. To use their example as an inspiration to be more like them.

I may never be a real rockstar…but it doesn’t matter, because the point is that what I really want is more rebellion, exploration, spontaneity, leadership and enjoyment in my life. That is where this archetype comes in handy.

Energy flows where attention goes

When I bring my inner rockstar into consciousness I am simultaneously giving it life. As the popular Huna saying goes, “Energy flows where attention goes.” Even just the simply act of writing this blog post is beginning to awaken these new facets of my rockstar being.

I could expand further by meditating on my inner rockstar – imagining him in different situations and how he might think and behave. This act of visualization is a great way to send attention (or energy) into different actions one can do to build character. In mentally prepares me to manifest these new rockstar tendencies throughout my day.

In particular, I believe that wakening my inner rockstar will help facilitate my motivation, allow me to take more risks and strive to achieve greater things, like stuff within this blog, in my social interactions, and in my daily habits.

Here are some fantastic ways to “draw energy” from your archetypes, some of which have already been touched upon in this article:

1. Write about them. That is what I am doing here.

2. Meditate/visualize/contemplate. Use your thoughts and imagination to awaken your mind to new possibilities and new ways to act.

3. Roleplay. May sound a bit silly, but by acting out your archetypes you are building up your neurology towards these new behaviors.

4. Integrate into your life. Can’t just spend all your time thinking, imagining, and role-playing in your room. Now it is time to incorporate these into your daily moment-to-moment existence.

Change only occurs through effort

Everyone who is involved in self-improvement is looking for that magic pill. Let me tell you what it is. Are you ready? Bring your face closer to the monitor…

If anyone could follow the law of attraction and be famous, successful, and happy…then everyone would be. But I am not going to sit here and tell you that using archetypes will change you over night. They require work and dedication to build.

The “Archetype Route” of growth and healing

All of that being said: I don’t think the “archetype route” for personal development is necessarily the best route for everyone. It depends on what you want to change.

If you only want to change a behavior – stick with habit-building techniques: 30-day experiments, classical conditioning, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and mindfulness.

But if you want to make a personality change you need to dive deeper. You need to learn how to see through the eyes of different minds.

Archetypes and role models are a great resource for that.

There was actually an old NLP technique I learned through an acquaintance (if anyone can remind me of the name of the technique it would be really helpful).

The technique went something like this: create a mental experience of an interview between you and a role model in your life (presumably some sort of expert). By asking them questions and filling in the answers (all in your mind’s eye), you would be taking part in a creative cognitive mechanism for solution-building. Theoretically, it could be used for any kind of problem-solving: business, relationships, health, or spiritual growth.

Humans are actually very good at dissociating from themselves and getting into the minds of others as an evolutionary trait (it is know as theory of mind). We love it. We do it all the time. Think about it: we even role-play every night in our dreams, and when we don’t get sleep for a long period of time we begin hallucinating.

Minds like to imagine things, and I think cognitive scientists should focus more research on imagination as a general mechanism for effective human learning. Even Einstein used a thought experiment (by imagining himself chasing after a beam of light) which aided in the development of his theory on special relativity.

There have also been some studies showing how dreams play an important role in consolidation of memories. It would be interesting to see what other cognitive benefits our imaginations may have.

Building archetypes should probably be considered an “advanced cognitive skill.” I don’t do them myself, but I know that they work and I know how they work.

However — I’m going to try and use this blog post as motivation to further explore the power of archetypes. Particularly this inner rock star idea. From a general standpoint in my life, I want to be more rebellious, explorative, spontaneous, leader-like, and just enjoy myself more. So I am going to continue to use this symbol as a tool of inspiration. I will try and meditate on it a couple times a week and see what fruits it reaps.