It’s now been over two and a half years since I first started blogging for The Emotion Machine – and just recently I’ve passed over one million visitors.
It’s a significant milestone to me, but more importantly it’s provided me with a lot of experience about what it means to build a following.
There is a funny thing that happens whenever you try to achieve something special – you’re going to find a lot of doubters. Even though last month was one of my most successful months blogging (in a number of ways), I still have a hard time telling others that this is what I want to do for a living. That’s because, almost without exception, I always sense some kind of doubt from the other person. Sometimes it is more subtle, like in their tone of voice when they say, “Well, good luck with that.” Other times it is more overt, like when they say, “Yeah…or you could get a real job.”
Yeah, it hurts. A little. Not enough to get me to stop though. I know that no one has more faith in this blog than me. And I know it’s always going to be that way – this is my baby.
Well, actually, she’s not even a baby anymore – she’s a toddler – because the beginning of this month marks my 3rd year blogging. Two whole years being a full-time blogger – that’s a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, but what do I have to show for it? Well, a lot, I would say. I have posted over 260 posts within that time. Not all of them were great, but many of them I think are very informative and will continue to be informative to others for years to come. I have also gathered over 1,000 subscribers on my new mailing list that I started in January. That is an accomplishment that I am very proud of, because I know not many bloggers have done that.
At the same time, my short history of blogging is rich in failures. But that is what I have come to expect and even embrace. I have failed before, and I will fail again in the future. If I’m not failing every now and then, am I really pushing my boundaries? Probably not. Over the past 2 years I have experimented with many different aspects of blogging (and in my life more generally), and a good percentage of those experiments have crashed into the ground and exploded right in front of my face. It fucking hurts, but I learn from it, brush it off, and get back to business. This is one mantra that plays out in my head constantly:
“If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.”
Thomas Watson
Of course, doubters make failure feel even worse, like pouring lemon juice on an open wound. Unfortunately, that’s sometimes what it takes to develop a thick skin. Eventually, you come to accept that failure and criticism are natural stages of personal development. They still hurt every time – but you begin to find that they are short-term costs that can transform into long-term benefits. You begin to accept the occasional bump and scratch, but continue on the path anyway. Your scars become battle wounds that remind you of past resilience.
It’s also natural to sometimes question the path you are one and if it is right for you. Maybe you do need to change something. Maybe other people are right when they say your path is leading to a cliff or dead-end. It’s important during these times of doubt to:
- Reflect on your values. Are you acting in accordance to them, or is there some internal conflict?
- Examine your wounds. Have they healed and made you stronger, or are they still bleeding?
- Accept the facts. Are you ignoring or learning new information you find along the way?
- Look long-term. Are you only after short-term gratification or are your actions a part of a bigger whole?
- Be ready to fail more. Are you prepared for future obstacles or are you looking for the path of least resistance?
- Learn how to take criticism. Be actively willing to hear other people’s opinions, even if they clash with yours.
- Be patient with yourself. Sometimes it takes awhile for things to begin to click, don’t sell yourself before giving an honest effort.
I believe all of these things will make you more persistent in meeting your values or goals. Undoubtedly, everyone experiences some difficulty. And undoubtedly, you will doubt yourself from time to time. I remember attending a book signing with Jonathan Safran Foer (author of “Everything is Illuminated” and “Extremely Loud, Incredibly Close.”) He mentioned how 99% of the time when he writes he’s not exactly sure where it’s heading, but then there is that 1% “eureka moment” where it all seems to come together. I’ve experienced similar eureka moments while blogging. Much of the time there is uncertainty, but every now and then things begin to “click” – and it’s well-worth the wait. You discover a new plateau, and then it’s back to exploring the unknown.
And that unknown will again instill some doubt in you. And you will fail again. And you will find – again – that there are others who still doubt you, and perhaps even wish you to continue failing. And you will be expected – again – to renew faith in yourself. It’s a patten that all growth seems to follow. It’s a pattern that “successful” people learn to recognize and embrace. I don’t believe there is one single “successful” person I know who doesn’t implicitly or explicitly understand this cycle of personal development.
It doesn’t matter what it is you are trying to achieve – become a musician, athlete, artist, writer, accountant, doctor, etc. – all endeavors seem to follow this cycle. And the more special the thing you are trying to achieve, the more criticism and doubt you will have to face.
David Zucker
I had to include this quote in my post because it so accurately depicts my attitude. I don’t think it is possible to go through life without critics and people telling you to stop being yourself. While I encourage people to listen to their critics, I also think there is some criticism that is worth ignoring. If someone is telling you something that doesn’t align with your core values, you need to disregard their input and carry on anyway.
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Wole Soyinka
I have a nasty (yet often rewarding) habit of finding ways to critique nearly everything. Sometimes it really irritates people. They think I’m trying to show off or I’m being pedantic, but I just like progress. One time while critiquing a friend’s opinion he replied, “Steve, you can poke a hole in anything.” I don’t think he meant it as a compliment, but I took it as one anyway.
While it’s not always appropriate to show criticism, sometimes it can spark very healthy discussion. That’s usually my goal. I don’t aim to piss people off, but some people will always find a way to take disagreements personally.
On the other hand, I encourage disagreements. I see them as an expression of our diversity as a species. We all have different viewpoints, different knowledge, and different values, so not only is disagreement inevitable, but it helps us to better understand others, as well as better understand ourselves. Being able to tolerate these differences is a huge mark of maturity and intelligence.
That’s why I encourage readers of this blog to feel free to disagree with me. I know I’m not perfect and I know others have different values than me, so I always appreciate it when people share their thoughts in the comment section or on my Facebook and Twitter. It helps me learn new things and see from alternative viewpoints.
As the quote on the top of this page suggests, being able to disagree is a part of your right to freedom of speech and thought. It’s what makes democracies and free societies work. If we all conformed to the norm, nothing could be improved. We would all just settle for the status quo. But upstanding individuals like Martin Luther King Jr, Gandhi, and Thomas Jefferson didn’t settle for the status quo. They exercised their freedom to disagree even when they were the underdogs. And much of the social progress we take for granted today is a result of that kind of bravery; the kind of bravery that doesn’t succumb to social norms or tradition, but pushes the envelope and later emerges into a new standard of living.
I don’t know about you guys, but sometimes I even get suspicious when someone is always in full agreement with me. I guess I find it hard to believe. They may be just trying to please me, but I’d rather they let their personalities shine through more. We shouldn’t be ashamed to hide our differences, as often they are a sign that both parties have something to learn from each other.
So I’m going to keep this message real short: you have your own mind, with your own thoughts, and your own beliefs and values. Use it! Be willing to express it and also be willing to let others express their beliefs. If you find yourself struggling with taking criticism or others disagreeing with you, try some of these tips on how to take criticism.
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Crucial tips for learning how to take criticism like a champ.
1
“Our dependency makes slaves out of us, especially if this dependency is a dependency of our self-esteem. If you need encouragement, praise, pats on the back from everybody, then you make everybody your judge.”
- Fritz Perls
2
“You can disagree without being disagreeable.”
- Zig Ziglar [Tweet]
3
“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.”
- Winston Churchill
4
“Don’t pay any attention to what they write about you. Just measure it in inches.”
- Andy Warhol [Tweet]
5
“You can’t let praise or criticism get to you. It’s a weakness to get caught up in either one.”
- John Wooden [Tweet]
6
“If you don’t have enemies, you don’t have character.”
- Paul Newman [Tweet]
7
“Nothing is complete and thus nothing is exempt from criticism.”
- James Luther Adams [Tweet]
8
“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.”
- Frank A. Clark [Tweet]
9
“Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.”
- Kurt Vonnegut
10
“The greatest threat to freedom is the absence of criticism.”
- Wole Soyinka [Tweet]
11
“Quit now, you’ll never make it. If you disregard this advice, you’ll be halfway there.”
- David Zucker [Tweet]
12
“People always call it luck when you’ve acted more sensibly than they have.”
- Anne Tyler [Tweet]
13
“Once you label me you negate me.”
- Søren Kierkegaard [Tweet]
14
“We are not trying to entertain the critics. I’ll take my chances with the public.”
- Walt Disney [Tweet]
15
“He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help.”
- Abraham Lincoln [Tweet]
16
“Criticism is the art of appraising others at one’s own value.”
- George Jean Nathan [Tweet]
17
“He only profits from praise who values criticism.”
- Heinrich Heine [Tweet]
18
“A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.”
- David Brinkley [Tweet]
19
“Harshness to me is giving somebody false hopes and not following through. That’s harsh. Telling some guy or some girl who’ve got zero talent that they have zero talent actually is a kindness.”
- Simon Cowell
20
“Don’t abuse your friends and expect them to consider it criticism.”
- Edgar Watson Howe [Tweet]
21
“Reprove a friend in secret, but praise him before others.”
- Leonardo da Vinci [Tweet]
22
“The price of success is to bear the criticism of envy.”
- Denis Waitley [Tweet]
23
“If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.”
- Epictetus [Tweet]
24
“I’m not nearly the saint some of my fans imagine and I’m nowhere near the devil my detractors wish, so you simply take both of those with a grain of salt.”
- Ken Wilber
24
“I paint for myself. I don’t know how to do anything else, anyway.”
- Francis Bacon [Tweet]
25
“To love without criticism is to be betrayed.”
- Djuna Barnes [Tweet]
26
“No matter who says what, you should accept it with a smile and do your own work.”
- Mother Teresa [Tweet]
27
“Philosophers, as things now stand, are all too fond of offering criticism from on high instead of studying and understanding things from within.”
- Edmund Husserl
28
“I am sorry to think that you do not get a man’s most effective criticism until you provoke him. Severe truth is expressed with some bitterness.”
- Henry David Thoreau
29
“According to my principles, every master has his true and certain value. Praise and criticism cannot change any of that. Only the work itself praises and criticizes the master, and therefore I leave to everyone his own value.”
- Carl Philipp Emanuel Bach
30
“Criticism is prejudice made plausible.”
- H.L. Mencken [Tweet]
31
“How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct.”
- Benjamin Disraeli [Tweet]
32
“Criticism is an indirect form of self-boasting.”
- Emmet Fox [Tweet]
33
“Boredom, after all, is a form of criticism.”
- Wendell Phillips [Tweet]
34
“Praise and criticism seem to me to operate exactly on the same level. If you get a great review, it’s really thrilling for about ten minutes. If you get a bad review, it’s really crushing for ten minutes. Either way, you go on.”
- Ann Patchett
35
“Silence is sometimes the severest criticism.”
- Charles Buxton [Tweet]
36
“You are never really prepared for criticism.”
- Barry Gibb [Tweet]
37
“Nothing that goes on in anyone else’s mind can harm you.”
- Marcus Aurelius [Tweet]
38
“Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes.”
–Antisthenes [Tweet]
39
“People ask for criticism, but they only want praise.”
- W. Somerset Maugham [Tweet]
40
“Critics like to build you up, tear you down, and then, if you’re lucky, build you up again.”
- Spike Lee [Tweet]
41
“If you have no critics you’ll likely have no success.”
- Malcolm X [Tweet]
42
“Obviously there will be a backlash. If you believe the hype you have to believe a backlash too. Any criticism we get, is always stuff we’ve already criticized ourselves.”
- Johnny Greenwood
43
“Even the lion has to defend himself against flies.”
- German Proverb [Tweet]
44
“Social criticism begins with grammar and the re-establishing of meanings.”
- Octavio Paz [Tweet]
45
“Criticism in a time of war is essential to the maintenance of any kind of democratic government.”
- Robert Taft [Tweet]
46
“The dread of criticism is the death of genius.”
- William Gilmore Simms [Tweet]
47
“In criticism I will be bold, and as sternly, absolutely just with friend and foe. From this purpose nothing shall turn me.”
- Edgar Allan Poe [Tweet]
48
“Conventional people are roused to fury by departure from convention, largely because they regard such departure as a criticism of themselves.”
- Bertrand Russel
49
“Science must begin with myths, and with the criticism of myths.”
- Karl Popper [Tweet]
50
“Being a critic is a terrific method for killing your love of art.”
- David Toop [Tweet]
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