The main assumption behind the technique is that an urge never lasts forever – usually, no more than 20-30 minutes. Individuals can therefore “ride out” these urges simply by becoming more aware of their transient nature.

While reflecting on an urge, such as smoking a cigarette or eating junk food or engaging in promiscuous sex, we should first make note of all the physical and mental sensations that create that craving experience – these craving experiences will often vary depending on the person and the object of desire.

For example, you may identify a twisting sensation in your stomach whenever you crave another piece of cake. Learn how to tune into that feeling – step back and observe it – but don’t act on the impulse. Just watch your desires almost as if you are passively watching a movie.

At first, urge surfing can often make the craving become more and more intense. It’s kind of like this video of kids trying not to eat marshmallows.

Despite the kids’ temptation to eat the marshmallow right away, they try to hold out in hopes of receiving a larger reward in the future (two marshmallows). But as the experience drags on, many of the kids become more and more stressed out, and the craving continues to amplify.

This is a common occurence for most desires. It is analogous to a wave in an ocean growing larger and larger, as the craving builds and builds.

However, like all waves, they eventually come down and dissipate too. They don’t continue to build up forever; instead, they are impermanent, and in a constant state-of-flux. They rise, but also fall.

Our desires work in the same way when urge surfing. At first, it may seem like our temptations are only getting stronger and stronger, but eventually they weaken and subside, so long as we can “ride out” the craving long enough.

This is the main mechanism which allows urge surfing to be so effective in overcoming addictive behaviors.

A Step-by-Step Guide on Urge Surfing.

Here are the key steps for using “urge surfing” to help overcome your addictive behaviors:

• Identify the craving. The sooner you become aware of the craving the easier it will be to overcome it. You don’t want to have to fight the craving when the object of desire is already in your reach. By that point, the craving may already be too strong for you to overcome.
• Sit back and watch. The key component of urge surfing is your awareness. The goal is to sit back, watch these desires, and really become attuned to them. Don’t act, just observe – like a scientist observing something under a microscope.
• Make a mental note of the sensations. It really helps to pinpoint what it is that creates your craving experience. This includes both physical sensations and mental sensations, including certain thought patterns that may be running through your head (“One more won’t hurt me.”), or mental imagery. Often the more aware you become of your craving experience, the more you understand the anatomy of your desires.
• Be aware of environmental triggers. Often times our addictive behaviors are influenced by certain triggers in our environment. For example, hanging around at a bar makes it harder to resist the temptation to drink alcohol than if you were hanging out at a cafe instead. In the same way, associating with certain people may make you more likely to engage in an addictive behavior than if you chose a different group of friends to associate with. Being mindful of these environmental triggers can be an important part of urge surfing and better understanding your addiction. Learn to avoid these triggers in the future and you’ll have an easier time overcoming these negative habits.






• Keep in mind the lesson of “impermanence.” The takeaway lesson of urge surfing is that all of our thoughts and feelings are impermanent, including our desires. By showing a little patience, and remembering the inherent “transient nature” of our desires, we can remind ourselves that it is possible to ride out these cravings until they inevitably pass.
• Use a helpful mantra. If you want, you can also accommodate your urge surfing with a helpful mantra. Repeating an affirmation such as, “this too shall pass” or “I can ride out this desire” will help replace unhelpful thoughts with a more stable state of mind.
• Keep practicing. Like most of the techniques and tools I share on this site, “urge surfing” is something that you will get better at the more you practice. Don’t expect to try this one time and be free from your addictive habits. It’s more likely this will take a few trials and errors before you begin getting good at it.

I hope this short guide helps you in overcoming addictive behaviors in the future.

Stay updated on new articles on psychology and self-improvement here.

In Seligman’s earlier theories he identified 3 similar elements (you’ll notice overlap between both theories): The Pleasant Life (the “life of enjoyment”), The Good Life (the “life of engagement”), and The Meaningful Life (the “life of affiliation”).

In this post I want to really focus on something that I don’t usually write about, but is certainly beneficial to happiness: the pleasant life. The pleasant life is probably best depicted in the philosophy of hedonism, which holds the belief that pleasure is the only intrinsic good in this world. From a purely hedonistic standpoint: our happiness can be measured based on our amount of pleasurable experiences minus our amount of painful experiences.

While it is a simple (and primitive) worldview, I think there is a valid point to it. I remember in High School we had to write a persuasive essay on whether or not video games were good for children. My argument was fairly simple: video games are good because they bring children joy, and if we can’t have any fun in this world then what is the point of living? While my worldview today is a bit more in-depth and holistic, I still largely agree with this idea. We should be allowed to indulge ourselves every now and then.

My justification for self-indulgence actually stems from Buddha’s teaching of “The Middle Way.” Buddha describes the middle way as a path of moderation between the extremes of sensual indulgence and self-mortification. I think people who inhibit themselves from experiencing any pleasure or joy (extreme self-mortification) are just as bounded to suffering as those who are addicted to pleasure or joy (extreme self-indulgence). The key, as I often find, is that we need to do things “in moderation.”

People always seem to find some sort of crutch; if it is not drugs or alcohol, then it is sex, or food, or TV, etc. I’ve found all of these to be nice (and healthy) in small doses. In fact, when I give myself permission to drink on the weekends, or pig out at a fast food place, I find it much easier to manage these pleasures and keep my life balanced. But I know if I tried to inhibit myself from all of these available pleasures, I would eventually snap, and I may do something even more reckless than I would if I just kept myself balanced.

I know friends who have tried to hold themselves to some ridiculous “pure” moral standard in some aspect of their life, and they have all have eventually given in to some temptation. Maybe they never drank alcohol like they intended to (but secretly wanted to try), but they found some other unhealthy pleasure to take to an extreme. I see it everywhere. Anything can become an addiction. And it is so interesting to me how people who were once so “morally upstanding,” caved in and went to the other extreme.

Now, I’m not saying you need to start drinking some alcohol or eating fast food – but I am saying be mindful of your temptations. Often when we inhibit one, we empower another. I think part of it has to do with how our will-power works. When we exercise will-power in one task, it often becomes more difficult to exercise that will-power in future tasks. Will-power is a finite resource (although it can be strengthened by your beliefs or when applying reflective awareness or mindfulness). But despite how much we can strengthen our will, the fact remains that it is finite. If you spend your whole day fighting off every little temptation, then it’s more likely that you are going to “explode” at the end of the day, maybe turn on the TV and go through a liter of soda and a bag of Doritos.

Therefore, I think it is necessary and beneficial to know what pleasures are worth indulging in and keeping yourself satisfied. It might be better to give in to your will-power and drink a couple wine glasses at dinner every night, especially if it means having more will-power later on in the week to get work done in the office. It’s your decision – it should be based on your personal values – but I just want to make note that some indulgence is often better than attempting (unrealistically) to have no indulgence. Again, it’s the “middle way” that helps keep us balanced and sane. I’m not telling you what desires to indulge in specifically, just that some indulgence can often be good.

And really, why shouldn’t you enjoy yourself every now and then? If your pleasure-seeking doesn’t hurt anybody else, I believe you should have every right to partake in it. Even at the extreme, I have no disrespect for people who drink and smoke themselves to death before the age of 40. I really don’t. That is there choice – those were there values – and who am I to say how they should live their life? Some people would rather choose a high quality of life (in their eyes), rather than quantity of life. But not everything to everyone is about “living longer.” While their self-indulgence may be at what I would consider an unhealthy extreme, perhaps it works for them. I can’t say one way or the other.

Again, I don’t want to make it seem like I am promoting recklessness, but I have to be empathetic to people who choose to live differently than I do. Some people think it is just “commonsense” not to smoke cigarettes – I don’t. People have different values. Indulging in those pleasures may help that person cope through life better and enjoy themselves more. At times this can be acceptable behavior, especially if it can be exercised in moderation. The same goes for other pleasures: sex, junk food, TV, loud music, etc.

At the other end of the story, perhaps a Buddhist monk has a lower threshold for pleasure than I do. Maybe pleasure to them is just experiencing “bliss” during meditation or enjoying a walk in nature. Again, it’s not my place to define other people’s pleasure or joy, all I am saying is that indulging in these pleasures and joys need not be something we should feel guilty about. The balance is going to be different for everyone.

“According to a study that will appear in the March 2011 print issue of Archives of General Psychiatry, depression recurs in almost half of adolescent patients. The greatest predictors of a return to depression included:

* Being female. According to the report even more than half of females experienced a recurrence of depression.
* Being in short-term treatment who did not respond well to treatment.
* Having a co-occurring anxiety disorder (61.9% had a recurrence)

Although most depressed teens who receive treatment do recover from their initial episode of depression (96.4 percent), the high experience of recurrence points to a need for improved therapies. Recurrence often occurred two or more years after the initial experience.”

2. Emotional Intelligence Predicts Job Performance

“Emotional intelligence is a strong predictor of job performance, according to a new study conducted at Virginia Commonwealth University that helps settle the ongoing debate in a much-disputed area of research.

‘The Relation Between Emotional Intelligence and Job Performance: A Meta-Analysis,’ which has been published online by the Journal of Organizational Behavior and will appear in a future issue of the journal, builds upon years of existing studies in the area of emotional intelligence, which is a measure of someone’s ability to understand the emotions of themselves and others. The resulting analysis indicates that high emotional intelligence does have a relationship to strong job performance — in short, emotionally intelligent people make better workers.”

3. Neuroscience Meets Magic

“Falling in love affects intellectual areas of the brain and triggers the same sensation of euphoria experienced by people when they take cocaine, researchers from Syracuse University reveal in an article in Journal of Sexual Medicine. The study, called ‘The Neuroimaging of Love’ found that several euphoria-inducing chemicals, such as vasopression, adrenaline, oxytocin and dopamine are released in 12 areas of the brain that work simultaneously.”

5. High Level of Practical Intelligence a Factor in Entrepreneurial Success

“General intelligence is not enough. Practical intelligence can mean the difference between entrepreneurial success or failure. Psychologists have identified multiple kinds of intelligence, but a University of Maryland researcher’s study has found one–practical intelligence–to be an indicator of likely entrepreneurial success.

J. Robert Baum, Director of Entrepreneurship Research at the University of Maryland, defines practical intelligence as ‘an experience based accumulation of skills and explicit knowledge as well as the ability to apply that knowledge to solve every day problems,’ he said. In other words, practical intelligence can be referred to as ‘know-how’ or common sense.

Learning orientation has an impact on entrepreneurship success. Some people learn little from their experiences and therefore don’t acquire the practical intelligence necessary to begin a successful business venture, said Baum. Practical intelligence is the result of an experimental hands-on operating style that leads to specific learning. ‘Those with high practical intelligence tend to develop useful knowledge by doing and learning, not by watching or reading,’ he said.”

6. Blind Dog Uses Echoes To Find His Way Around

“A dog born without eyes is finding his way in life after teaching himself to ‘see’ like a bat – using echolocation. Rowan, a German Spitz, barks and then listens to the echoes to help him tell where he is in relation to his surroundings.”

Editor’s Note: I was surprised when I first heard about humans using echolocation, but now dogs?

7. Top 50 Psychiatrists Paid by Pharmaceutical Companies

“Who were the top 50 psychiatrists in the U.S. paid by the top seven pharmaceutical companies?

This past week, ProPublica, an independent, non-profit newsroom that produces investigative journalism in the public interest, recently decided to answer that question by compiling a list of 384 physicians and health care providers who earned more than $100,000 total from one or more of the seven companies that have disclosed payments in 2009 and early 2010.

We combed that list and found the top 50 psychiatry earners for the past two years (2009-2010). You can click on any name below to learn more about the physician.”

8. Is Autism Really A Form of Synesthesia

“Synesthesia is one of the more highly publicized conditions where neural cross-talk results in ‘cross-sensory percepts;’ an involuntary association of, say, colors to letters, or smells to sounds…

Now for autism. A new report details observations that high functioning autistic spectrum folks who have savant-like talents may be hyper-perceptive — they may have superhuman powers to sense things. But, not all things — just certain things. Perhaps this hyper-perception is really a hyper-wiring connection: like synesthetes.”