I think a friend is one of the best kinds of relationships in the world. When you have quality friends, you know that they will be there to support you through the very best and worst of times.

The Shyness & Social Anxiety System

I’ve learned that most socially anxious people do exactly the WRONG things in most social situations. This book will teach you what the RIGHT things to do are.

If you don’t know anything about making friends, and would like to get this part of your life handled, this book will help you.

If you can’t talk to people of the opposite sex, or you struggle to say the right thing or run out of things to say in conversation, this book will show you simple ways to solve these problems.

Perhaps that is why, throughout my short 22 years, I have only seen a handful of people who are actually enthusiastic when they have to go to work.

I always wondered as a kid if I would be one of those rare enthusiastic people or instead if I’d be one of those people who constantly complains about their job without ever doing anything to change it.

The problem that I’ve noticed is that people have begun to expect that their jobs are supposed to suck. It’s become an attitude that has been conditioned into our society, and I believe it needs to be fixed. I often see people openly accept their misery and justify it by saying things like:

• A job’s a job.
• Whatever helps pay the bills.
• I’m supposed to work hard and follow the rules.
• Life’s a bitch.
• Etc…

The problem with this kind of language is that we begin to welcome miserable jobs into our life because we think that’s the norm. And when we think we are supposed to hate our jobs then we often settle for a job we hate. Go figure…

I decided before I ever graduated high school that I wasn’t going to fall victim to this attitude. And I knew before I ever started blogging that I was going to find ways to make a living doing things that I was passionate about and actually cared for.

The Zero Hour Workweek
Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.

The definition of “work” is a matter of perspective. If you love what you do, and you are intrinsically motivated to do your work, then it’s really no different than being dedicated to having fun or enjoying life.

If you’re a baseball player who loves playing baseball everyday, is that really comparable to what we usually mean when we say “job?” No, yet it is a job, and baseball players often get paid exorbitant salaries to do what they love.

What if you’re a musician who loves making music? Or a teacher who loves teaching? Or a doctor who loves taking care of his or her patients?

Everyone has a slightly different path, but if you do what you love, then it’s a lot less likely to feel like “work,” and a helluva lot more likely to feel like something that actually motivates you and makes you happy in the long-term.

In Jonathan Mead’s free life-changing guide, The Zero Hour Workweek, he describes this same attitude and why it is so important to a fulfilling job or career. He then gives you a step-by-step process on how to discover what makes you passionate and begin channeling that passion in productive ways. In it he shares a great quote by author James A. Michener that I believe really hits at the heart of the matter:

“The master in the art of living
draws no sharp distinction between
his labor and his leisure,
his mind and his body,
his work and his play,
his education and his recreation.

He hardly knows which is which.

He simply pursues his vision of excellence
through whatever he is doing
and leaves others to determine
whether his is working or playing.

To himself, he is always doing both.”

- James A. Michener

Re-defining Work
I’m not working I’m…playing, exploring, and creating.

I think if we want to be “productive” but still live a satisfying life then we need to re-define what we usually think of as work. There is nothing inherent in the definition that says we can’t have fun or that we can’t enjoy ourselves while doing it.

In previous posts I have advocated that we blur the line between work and play, by doing things like:

• Discovering productive activities that align with our core values.
• Focusing on aspects of our work that we enjoy.
• Trying to see the bigger picture of our actions.
• Making a game out of certain aspects of work we may not enjoy as much.
• Working with friends and like-minded people.
• Taking frequent breaks and leisure-time to avoid work overload.
• Being intrinsically motivated to push boundaries and be more creative.
• Etc…

If you have a job that doesn’t allow you to fulfill these kinds of requirements, then you may want to start making a change (not all at once, but at least in small doses). At least start looking for better alternatives, as I see no point in spending 40+ years at a job you absolutely can’t stand. None at all. That is simply too much time being wasted. You’re better than that.

The best part about Jonathan Mead’s The Zero Hour Workweek (besides the fact that it is free) is that it begins to give you a detailed view on some of the things you can start doing to build a venture that aligns with your interests, values, and passions.

Keep in mind, making any change is going to be difficult. For the time being, you may be dependent on your old ways, your old job, and your old way of viewing the world. This isn’t a shift that is going to happen overnight, but it’s a shift that may be worth making in the long-run. You shouldn’t ever stop fighting for your values, whatever they may be, so take advantage of this one shot you have at life while you’re still here.

Questions

1) Are you happy with your job right now?

2) If not, what do you imagine that you’d rather be doing?

3) In general, what activities in life are you most passionate about?

Please use the comment section and share your answers and thoughts!

Researchers found that in families where both spouses work, individuals who spent more time doing housework reported higher evening cortisol levels (a biochemical correlated with stress) and poorer afternoon-to-evening recovery.

While husbands often spent more time on leisure activities than their wives, the study also indicated that when husbands help out with housework this can lead to lower stress levels for wives (although slightly higher stress levels for husbands). In addition, husbands whose wives spent less time on leisure activities had better after-work recovery times.

There a couple lessons here. One is that a cooperative household where both husbands and wives share housework is better for overall reduction of stress rather than an uncooperative household (where one spouse has a significant more amount of work than the other). The second lessons is one that I frequently mention on this blog: leisure time is important for life satisfaction (and, my guess, probably overall productivity as well).

But here’s the thing. People always say they are too busy to enjoy themselves. They come home from a rough day at work to find more and more chores to do: pick up kids from school, help with homework, cook, clean, pay bills, etc. But I believe that however busy you may be, it is absolutely necessary that you find time for leisure and relaxation. Here are some suggestions to help get work done and still find time for relaxation:

• Find ways to divvy up the work (have kids do small chores, carpool, etc.)
• Try to only focus on tasks that are absolutely necessary.
• Don’t let your inner clean freak get the best of you. Cleaning the house once a week should be fine.
• Make a schedule and leave time to actually enjoy yourself.
• The kinds of breaks you take are important: 20 minutes of meditation may be more rejuvenating to you than watching 2 hours of TV. Try new things and find what works best.
• Conscious practice over time can build a stable routine.
• Try to see if you can make some chores more fun by blurring the line between work and play.
• Also lower stress levels by taking more quality breaks during your workday (start by checking out this list of 50 Stress Relievers That Take 5 Minutes or Less).
• Don’t be afraid to take a 30-60 minute nap (when done right, it can boost alertness and productivity).

Again, these are just suggestions. And I realize some of this stuff is commonsense, but it’s worth reminding people about. I find people often underestimate the importance of leisure, but it’s something that – in my mind – is crucial to both productivity and life satisfaction. We need to know how to recharge our batteries. I’ve seen people just try to “push through” ridiculous work schedules; maybe sometimes it’s necessary, but it shouldn’t become the norm. Focus on smart work, not hard work, and part of that intelligence definitely includes well-spent leisure time. Enjoy yourself.

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Work without any play can become mundane, tedious, and unfulfilling. But play without any work can become aimless, misguided, and unproductive.

Whether we are at work, school, or home, we should find ways to integrate playfulness and curiosity to help fuel our creativity, motivation, and commitment to whatever it is that we are doing. And although it’s been said many times before: when we are passionate about what we do, we are more likely to develop a focus that yields the best results.

Each semester during my college experience I would become immensely interested in the subjects I was learning about in class. As my passion grew, I would often be motivated to take out books from the library and look up articles on the internet that stretched well beyond the curriculum. I found it fun to learn, reflect, and ask myself deep questions about the material. I became even more interested when I found ways to apply what I learned to my everyday life. As a result of all of this, I was more likely to go to class, do my homework, study, and get good grades.

Of course, it also helped that I often chose classes that I already had a small interest for. I imagine there are some subjects that no matter how hard I try I couldn’t find the passion I needed to really get into them. I think when choosing any course of action we need to be very mindful of our values, interests, and preferences. If we try to pursue something that we are incapable of developing a passion for, then we will have a hard time stay dedicated.

So the same goes for choosing a college degree as it does for choosing a career or a new hobby or healthier habits. When we make things more entertaining, we are more likely to stick to a productive routine. Instead of thinking of going to the gym as an annoying chore, you can think “I can’t wait to finally get on that treadmill today!” (or something like that, you get the idea). It’s not about just choosing activities that you enjoy, but also making things you want to do more enjoyable – thus increasing your motivation and consistency to actually do them.

Reframing is when we think of an event from a different perspective. And when we reframe work or chores in a more fun and uplifting light this can be a powerful force in changing our behavior in productive ways. I came across a great recent example of this where a group of people redesigned stairs into a piano (that actually makes sound when you step on it). After doing this they noticed a 66% increase in people who chose to use the stairs over the escalator. Check it out.

One example of making a tedious activity fun:

Things you can start doing to make your work more like play:

• Working with a group of friends (for example, some guidelines for group study from the University of Minnesota).
• Listening to music, as long as it’s not distracting (for example, music makes us exercise harder).
• Making a game out of something.
• Decorating your workplace or changing your environment. (recent research shows it improves health, happiness and productivity).
• Enticing yourself with a reward (although incentives work best for routine tasks, not creative problem-solving: Dan Pink’s lecture on the science of motivation)
• Focusing on aspects of the activity you enjoy.
• Being creative with aspects of the activity you don’t yet enjoy.
• Joking about work-related frustrations to employees, friends, or family. (that’s joking, not complaining)
• Seeing your work in the context of a “bigger picture” and being proud of it.
• Being more mindful of negative self-talk while working (“I don’t want to do this. This is lame. Why is Timmy such an a-hole?”). Replace these with something more inspiring.
• Understanding that happiness is a more productive state of mind (see happy people really do work harder).

As you can see, there are many ways we can make work more fun and enjoyable. I hope you try to integrate some of these things into your daily routine and see how they work for you.

Interesting side note, but I sometimes refer to this philosophy on work as the “Google Mentality” – because the work environment at Google is about both working hard and playing hard. Perhaps that is why they are such a successful company. Imagine how much better off the economy would be if more individuals and companies adopted this work ethic?

Stay updated on new articles on psychology and self-improvement here.

There is no moment in time inherently worth more than any other moment in time. It is your own judgment of value on how you should spend your time, and not anyone else. However, I will give some advice as to something that I have spent much of my time neglecting, and the consequences I had to face because of my misallocated time.

Time Spent With The Body

If you are anything like me, you probably spend way too much time on your computer, watching TV, reading, or find other ways of being physically inactive. With so much technology to distract us we sometimes forget that we have a body to take care of too.

Our bodies are always with us so it is easy to take them for granted. We cater to its needs when it calls for them – food, sleep, and warmth – but when it comes to keeping our body’s prepared for long-lasting health we get forgetful, or just plain lazy.

Technically, we spend every waking moment with our body. But when I say to dedicate time to your body, I am talking about the time spent attending to your body. Our attention is one of the most important tools we can use for self-improvement, without it we are unaware of our dissatisfactions and shortcomings. But when we shine our beacon of attention we become enlightened to the things that make us dissatisfied and we are given the opportunity to correct them. Without attention (and in a broader sense our awareness), time would be meaningless and valueless.

Mindfulness of Time = Attention

To attend to the body is to experience the body at the most basic of sensations. If one is stretching or flexing, it is really important to pay close attention to the muscles involved in that movement as they expand and contrast. This not only makes one more familiar with their body (building a heightened awareness to the body) but it also helps to optimize your effort exerted onto the body.

There are over 600 muscles in the body from the eyebrows to the toes, and they all deserve time attended to – appreciated. This comment isn’t meant to encourage tedious exercises that account for each and every muscle, but to instead encourage a certain mentality that the body is a constantly unraveling gift and a terrain that calls for much exploration.

Everyone – athletes, muscle builders, casual exercisers, couch potatoes, and all in between – should pick up the habit of being aware of the body as often as possible. When in daily routines such as cooking or cleaning, remain mindful of the movements your body makes and how its parts are designed to move with elegance and mechanical precision. Be awed and bewildered. This does not only help the body but it enriches the experience of even the most seemingly mundane and repetitive of tasks.

Also plan for time where you are not busy and can go into greater detailed attention of the body. My favorite time to do this is early morning. Before I begin any kind of work, I first set aside no more than 20-25 minutes just to dwell on the body. I stretch, bend, twist, and flex my muscles to awaken them; I give them my gratitude for all they offer to me (this is a mental event, a perception and act of will).

Don’t be afraid to push your body to its “limits.” I am not encouraging you to pull muscles but to acknowledge when certain movements begin to shift towards sensations of stress or pain. It is important you explore these limits and to push yourself (in a healthy and mindful manner) so that you come away from your session learning something new about the body. You may find a previously foreign motion that acquaints you to a muscle you did not know of before. Maybe you didn’t realize you could bend in that way.

Do not force anything, but don’t be too surprised if you discover things that you were unaware the body was capable of. These are signs that you are on the right path.

How should I get started? Should I follow a daily regimen?

Most exercise programs encourage persistence and dedication by following a mostly-rigid schedule. This is where my opinions most diverge away from popular consensus, and thus I hope I explain myself clearly.

For some, it is easy to jump right into a rigid regimen and stick with it for extended periods of time. For others like myself, we are slow adapters and need to ease into change at our own pace. My advice for this section will be mostly geared towards these “slow adapters.”

As a slow adapter, the first thing that you need to accept is that any change in the right direction is still a change in the right direction, no matter how tiny of an increment it may first seem. Remember, as cliché as it may seem, a snowball that builds as it rolls down a hill still started as a lonely snowflake.

The smallest and most effortless change one can make to get started is to simply examine one’s body. I prefer a full-length mirror (provides the most accurate presentation of how you look from a third-person perspective) but it is also important to acknowledge how you look when you look down on your body from the first-person. Do not turn this opportunity as a method to criticize your body and hamper your self-esteem. Instead, try your best to passively observe yourself with little to no judgment. You may note dissatisfactions, but balance it by noting an equal amount of things you already like about yourself.

If you find things you don’t like about yourself that you are mostly powerless to change then learn to like them – they are a part of you and there is no reason to show yourself anything but unconditional love; people that love themselves are immediately more attractive than those who do not.

Pay particular attention to the things you do not like about yourself but have the power to change. Also make a note on how much effort you may need to invest to make the change.

Some things you will find you can get started on right away. For instance, if you find yourself over or under weight then you can begin to make changes in your diet (again this can happen over small increments, there is no rush to the finish line unless you find out from a physician that you have habits that have dire health consequences that require immediate change – but this is not often the case). Maybe you find that you have acne or poor skin on certain areas of your body, you could then try out a new face wash, seek medication, change your diet, or try to get more sun.

You’ll notice that for most dissatisfaction you have multiple options on how to improve them. Begin to experiment with exercises, diet changes, time spent outdoors, drinking more water, hygiene products, even your mental states.

I’m throwing a lot of ideas out at once. This isn’t intended to overwhelm you, but to keep your mind open to all the possible ways you can make small and seemingly effortless changes, as well as the changes that will require effort but will be well worth it.

In the end, I want you to make changes at your own discretion and good judgment. Do not underestimate your intelligence and your will to do the right thing. There is no natural law that requires you to listen to others in order to improve yourself; sometimes the answers are right in front of you – stay mindful of this.

Miscellaneous tips

I will now take the opportunity to jump around between subjects and throw ideas at you that I have found particularly helpful in my own, ongoing journey of self-improvement and health.

Know your body. This goes back to observing yourself as well as remaining mindful of your body throughout the day. Learn things about yourself from a personal, anecdotal perspective – how do you react to certain foods, how do certain foods make you feel, what parts of your body are weak or strong, do you feel any aches or pains, how do you feel after you exercise, keep track of your energy levels throughout the day, etc. Keeping these kinds of things in mind is going to help you to monitor yourself throughout your day as well as give your body the opportunity to tell you when something is wrong or right. Let your body speak, keep your senses open, and keep the line of communication between mind-body strong.

Do research. You can know your body from a scientific perspective too. What have studies shown about the health benefits or consequences of certain foods? What do experts have to say about certain exercises? Learn how your metabolism works, what muscles there are in the body and how you can exercise them, and other things to consider in the environment that effect your body (such as weather, pollution, noise and other potentially stressful stimuli, pets and animals, plants, too much TV, and whatever else).

Always keep the body somewhere in your mind. Don’t let it slip away for so long that you forget about it. Health should be a top priority so get used to thinking about the body often and the things you can do to take better care of it.

Get encouragement. If you are the type of person that isn’t the best self-motivator than seek the help of others. Find a friend to join a gym with you or agree to run with you on certain days of the week. Try to find a friend who is in a similar position. Ignore friends that discourage you. If you notice a friend is not keeping up with their promise to exercise with you, and this bothers you, then find someone else to work with.

Final Thought