Why do we constantly put off things that we know we should do? What does it take to motivate ourselves to follow through on these activities?

One big part of the answer is identifying activities that we tend to procrastinate on.

When we acknowledge what it is we tend to procrastinate on the most, we better prepare ourselves to overcome that procrastination in the future. Here are some of the most common things we tend to procrastinate on. How many of these apply to you?

You may procrastinate on…

1. Going to the doctor for a check-up.

2. Calling your family and friends to see how they are doing.

3. Paying your monthly bills now so you don’t have to worry about them later.

4. Updating your resume and searching for a job.

5. Answering your e-mails.

6. Starting that hobby you always wanted to try.

7. Cutting out junk food we know is bad but continue eating anyway.

8. Leaving for work or school on time.

9. Doing your homework now so you can relax later.

10. Asking that guy/girl out on a date.

11. Cleaning up the house.

12. Donating to that charity you always wanted to.

13. Planning a vacation to a new country.

14. Finally going to the gym and working out.

15. Getting car maintenance done.

16. Reading that book your friend recommended you last year.

17. Telling someone a secret you’ve been hiding from them.

18. Going back to college.

19. Apologizing to someone after you’ve hurt them.

20. Telling someone you love them.

21. Creating something artistic and sharing it with others.

22. Waiting for that “perfect” moment to start your own business.

23. Doing laundry.

24. Cleaning the dishes.

25. Spending more time with your kids.

 




26. Starting to take small steps toward the life of your dreams.

27. Going to a concert or sporting event.

28. Learning how to speak a foreign language.

29. Taking a week off from work.

30. Running in a marathon.

31. Writing that book you always wanted to write.

32. Volunteering at a local community center.

33 Selling old stuff around the house you don’t use anymore.

34. Letting go of a mistake you made a long time ago.

35. Asking for something because you’re afraid the answer will be no.

36. Studying for an exam.

37. Getting to bed at a reasonable hour.

38. Having children.

39. Helping a friend with something they asked you to help them with.

40. Quitting smoking.

41. Getting married.

42. Shopping for groceries.

43. Putting out the garbage.

44. Buying new clothes.

45. Getting a place of your own.

46. Saving for retirement.

47. Breaking off from a relationship you know isn’t going to work.

48. Trying new recipes.

49. Getting a haircut

50. Doing something just for the fun of it.

Did I miss anything? What are some things you often find yourself procrastinating on?

Here is an experiment you can try in changing one small habit in your daily routine. The goal is to try it out successfully for one full week, then re-evaluate whether you would like to continue the habit change in the future.

Step 1: Choose one habit.

We all know the kinds of habits we want to change. They aren’t hard to think of. The problem is focusing in on one and putting in the effort to make it happen.

Concentrating all your energy on one habit is often better than trying to change too much at once. When we spread our efforts too thin, we burn out easily and nothing gets accomplished.

However, when we focus on one small but meaningful change, we are more likely to see it become a reality. Not to mention we build more momentum to make changes in the future.

If you can’t think of any small change to make, consider one of these common suggestions:

• Substitute every glass of soda with a glass of water.
• Wake up an hour early every morning.
• Sacrifice 15-30 minutes of TV each day and meditate instead.
• Read a chapter of a novel every night before bed.
• Do 10 push-ups every time you want to smoke a cigarette.
• Floss every morning.
• Write a blog/journal entry once a day.
• Make time in your schedule to jog a mile each day.
• Plan 2-4 social interactions throughout the week.

Remember to only choose one of these habits at a time. Also, try to choose something that is relevant to an area in your life that you want to improve.

Step 2: Stay committed.

Now that you have chosen your habit to practice for the week, the key is staying committed.

Because you are only making one simple change, try to be as disciplined as possible about it. If you slip up once, that’s fine, but try to not even let that happen. Remember, you are only trying to stay committed for one week, so it shouldn’t be that big of a deal.

Here are some suggestions to keep you motivated:

• Repeat an affirmation 10 times right when you wake up: “I will do X today.”
• Leave appropriate reminders around the house, such as a sticky note on your kitchen cabinet.
• Tell a couple supportive friends about your goal. Have them keep you accountable.
• Take 5 minutes and imagine yourself doing the habit. This kind of visualization can prepare you to do the action when it’s time.
• Notice the bigger picture. How can this habit benefit you in the long-term?
• Avoid excuses. It’s just one week, really.

Once the week is completed, take the time to reflect and ask yourself:

• Was this habit change worth it?
• How did it change my thoughts and emotions?
• How did it change my behavior?
• Did it improve the overall quality of my life?
• Is this a change I want to continue in the future?

If the answers to these questions are positive, then consider sustaining your new habit into the future. If not, scratch the new habit and try something different.

There are always adjustments to make in life. That doesn’t mean every new thing we try is going to be the best possible choice, but we should always consider room for improvement.

I hope this article has provided you with a simple and easy-to-use framework for trying new habits. A big part of self-improvement is experimentation and trial-and-error. This exercise encourages us to try new habits without feeling like they are set in stone.

An aspiring baseball player doesn’t think or feel like a baseball player the first time he steps up to the plate.

His body is not yet familiar with the mechanics. His stance is awkward. His swing is awkward. He doesn’t exactly understand all the rules of the game.

As a result, he doesn’t yet consider himself a “real” baseball player. And he certainly doesn’t yet look like a “real” baseball player to his friends and family. Chances are his going to make quite a few blunders throughout the course of his first few games. This phase of our self-improvement can be embarrassing and frustrating.

How to overcome the awkward phases of self-improvement.

• Acknowledge your discomfort.

A big part of emotional maturity is acknowledging how you feel, not just avoiding feelings because they are unpleasant. If you want to be serious about self-improvement, then you need to be honest with yourself. There’s a good chance you will suck at something when you first start out, so it should be expected that you will occasionally feel embarrassed, frustrated, or angry. Try your best to accept these feeling, and then move on.

• Understand the path to success.

It helps during our “awkward phase” to try to imagine the bigger picture of success. It’s often a windy road with many hardships and failures. At times it can feel like we are going backwards, but that is all a part of long-term self-improvement. Once we understand and prepare ourselves for a long-term commitment to our goals, we’ll find it easier to stay dedicated and focused, even when times are tough. Here is a nice illustration of what we think success looks like compared to how success often looks in the real world:


• Practice and experience.

There is no substitute for practice and experience. The more you expose yourself to something, the more familiar and natural it will become. Repetition is the key to building new neural pathways in your brain. And the more you condition yourself toward certain thoughts and behaviors, the easier it will be to re-activate those pathways in the future. Aspiring baseball players often go into a batting cage to get their swing right. The more time they spend there, the more they build the brain pathways and muscle memory associated with hitting a pitch. All habits have an underlying structure in our nervous system which can be built through practice and experience. (Related Article: Mindfulness and Neuroplasticity.)

• Ask yourself if this is what you really want.

Upon reflection you may find that your goals aren’t aligned with what you really want. Maybe you only played baseball because your friends wanted you to, but the truth is there are other interests you find more important. Maybe the “awkward phase” of your self-improvement is actually a sign that you are pursuing goals that aren’t congruent with your core values. It can be a tough call to make, but sometimes you need to abandon a particular goal because you later find out it’s not for you. However, if you ask yourself “Is this what I really want?” and the answering is a resounding yes, then you’ll know in your heart this is what you should pursue.

• Be open to a new version of yourself.

To make any kind of self-improvement you have to be open to a new version of yourself. If you believe your personality is static and unchanging, then you’ll stay stuck in old ways. However, if you believe you’re always growing, then your actions will reflect an attitude more open to personal development. Attitude is important – sometimes it can create a self-fulfilling prophecy. If every time you go up to bat you say to yourself, “I’ll never get a hit,” then you’re going to sabotage yourself from performing to the best of your ability. (Related Article: Self-Talk Can Improve Sports Performance.)

• Find a mentor or role model.

During rough phases of our self-improvement, it can be very beneficial to interact with a mentor or role model. Research has shown mentoring programs can be effective across a wide range of domains including behavioral, social, emotional, and academic. Having a mentor improves your motivation and accountability. It can also be an important source of insight if your mentor relates to your troubles in a meaningful way. (Related Article: How We Find Motivation in Other People’s Struggles.)

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In short, we become complacent toward the status quo. We continue to go through life in the same way, with the same job, the same relationships, the same interests, and the same hobbies. Familiarity becomes more important than exploring new or better aspects of life. And often we find ourselves fighting harder to keep things the same rather than to grow and expand.

I call this “the curse of familiarity.” And it’s something I believe we all struggle with. Our brains are biased toward that which is familiar and safe, but at the same time new experiences are what help our brains stay active, learn new things, and adapt better to our environment.

I encourage everyone to expose themselves to new things every now and then. Even if you just start small by:

• Listen to a different type of music.
• Watch a different type of movie or TV show.
• Start a new hobby. If you’ve never played a musical instrument before, try it. If you’ve never painted before, try it.
• Go to a place you’ve never been before. Maybe check out a new restaurant, or bar, or museum. If you have the money, travel to a different country.
• Try hanging out with a new crowd of people every now and then. You’d be surprised how many new things you will learn if you expand your social circle.
• Take a course in something you know nothing about.
• Use the random article function on Wikipedia. Who knows the types of things you will come across.
• Try a new type of food or cuisine than what you are used.

I challenge you to try just one of these before next week. It’ll be a good small step in breaking the curse of familiarity and exposing yourself to new things. When we consciously seek new experiences, we build character and expand ourselves as individuals. It’s a big part of what makes a balanced and well-rounded person.

The main assumption behind the technique is that an urge never lasts forever – usually, no more than 20-30 minutes. Individuals can therefore “ride out” these urges simply by becoming more aware of their transient nature.

While reflecting on an urge, such as smoking a cigarette or eating junk food or engaging in promiscuous sex, we should first make note of all the physical and mental sensations that create that craving experience – these craving experiences will often vary depending on the person and the object of desire.

For example, you may identify a twisting sensation in your stomach whenever you crave another piece of cake. Learn how to tune into that feeling – step back and observe it – but don’t act on the impulse. Just watch your desires almost as if you are passively watching a movie.

At first, urge surfing can often make the craving become more and more intense. It’s kind of like this video of kids trying not to eat marshmallows.

Despite the kids’ temptation to eat the marshmallow right away, they try to hold out in hopes of receiving a larger reward in the future (two marshmallows). But as the experience drags on, many of the kids become more and more stressed out, and the craving continues to amplify.

This is a common occurence for most desires. It is analogous to a wave in an ocean growing larger and larger, as the craving builds and builds.

However, like all waves, they eventually come down and dissipate too. They don’t continue to build up forever; instead, they are impermanent, and in a constant state-of-flux. They rise, but also fall.

Our desires work in the same way when urge surfing. At first, it may seem like our temptations are only getting stronger and stronger, but eventually they weaken and subside, so long as we can “ride out” the craving long enough.

This is the main mechanism which allows urge surfing to be so effective in overcoming addictive behaviors.

A Step-by-Step Guide on Urge Surfing.

Here are the key steps for using “urge surfing” to help overcome your addictive behaviors:

• Identify the craving. The sooner you become aware of the craving the easier it will be to overcome it. You don’t want to have to fight the craving when the object of desire is already in your reach. By that point, the craving may already be too strong for you to overcome.
• Sit back and watch. The key component of urge surfing is your awareness. The goal is to sit back, watch these desires, and really become attuned to them. Don’t act, just observe – like a scientist observing something under a microscope.
• Make a mental note of the sensations. It really helps to pinpoint what it is that creates your craving experience. This includes both physical sensations and mental sensations, including certain thought patterns that may be running through your head (“One more won’t hurt me.”), or mental imagery. Often the more aware you become of your craving experience, the more you understand the anatomy of your desires.
• Be aware of environmental triggers. Often times our addictive behaviors are influenced by certain triggers in our environment. For example, hanging around at a bar makes it harder to resist the temptation to drink alcohol than if you were hanging out at a cafe instead. In the same way, associating with certain people may make you more likely to engage in an addictive behavior than if you chose a different group of friends to associate with. Being mindful of these environmental triggers can be an important part of urge surfing and better understanding your addiction. Learn to avoid these triggers in the future and you’ll have an easier time overcoming these negative habits.






• Keep in mind the lesson of “impermanence.” The takeaway lesson of urge surfing is that all of our thoughts and feelings are impermanent, including our desires. By showing a little patience, and remembering the inherent “transient nature” of our desires, we can remind ourselves that it is possible to ride out these cravings until they inevitably pass.
• Use a helpful mantra. If you want, you can also accommodate your urge surfing with a helpful mantra. Repeating an affirmation such as, “this too shall pass” or “I can ride out this desire” will help replace unhelpful thoughts with a more stable state of mind.
• Keep practicing. Like most of the techniques and tools I share on this site, “urge surfing” is something that you will get better at the more you practice. Don’t expect to try this one time and be free from your addictive habits. It’s more likely this will take a few trials and errors before you begin getting good at it.

I hope this short guide helps you in overcoming addictive behaviors in the future.

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