Intrusive thoughts are involuntary and unpleasant thoughts, images, or ideas that pop into our mind.

They are a common symptom in those with anxiety, depression, OCD, and PTSD; however, the truth is most people experience intrusive thoughts from time to time.

Common intrusive thoughts are usually associated with aggression, impulsive urges, and sexual fantasies. And although intrusive thoughts are rarely acted upon, they are often considered “inappropriate” by the person thinking the thoughts.

As a result, many intrusive thoughts can lead to strong feelings of guilt and shame, even when the person never physically did anything wrong. Fortunately, there are ways we can accept these thoughts without letting them have too much influence on our mental health.

Some intrusive thoughts you may have are:

• Thoughts or impulses to harm or kill ourselves.
• Thoughts or impulses to harm or kill a person, small child, or animal.
• Thoughts or impulses to shout out or verbally abuse someone by saying something rude, inappropriate, nasty, or violent.
• Thoughts or impulses to do something very risky or dangerous.
• Thoughts or impulses regarding inappropriate sexual behavior.
• Thoughts or impulses to do something we find morally wrong.

There are many different examples of intrusive thoughts, but these are some of the thoughts most commonly associated with the term. For the remainder of this post, I’m going to share 3 steps we can follow to let go of these types of thoughts and limit the power they have over us.

The first step toward letting go of our thoughts is by accepting them. It is pointless and unhealthy to pretend that we don’t have intrusive or negative thoughts every now and then. And by trying to run away from these thoughts we are only deluding ourselves.

In fact, we invest more energy in these thoughts when we try to avoid and suppress them, rather than just acknowledging that they are there. And by running away from intrusive thoughts, we actually give them more power over our well-being.

The purpose of thinking is for our minds to produce new and better ways to respond to our environment. Some of this thinking is conscious, but a lot of it is unconscious. Our brains are constantly working “behind the scenes” to think of new and better ways to behave.

Sometimes, as a byproduct of this creativity, our brains think of some really bizarre and inappropriate ideas – intrusive thoughts. Thoughts that surprise us and make us ask ourselves, “Did I really just think that?” because they seem so out-of-character.

The answer is, “Yes, you really did just think that, and that’s okay.” Intrusive thoughts can often be a side effect of a healthy mind. And just because you have intrusive thoughts from time to time doesn’t mean you have lost your sanity. It means your brain is being active and creative – although maybe sometimes a little too creative.

Remember, just because you accept the thought doesn’t mean you need to act on it.

As explained above, intrusive thoughts are a natural occurrence. Therefore we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves for thinking bizarre and spontaneous things once and awhile.

It’s common for intrusive thoughts to be followed by feelings of guilt and shame, but try to understand that there is nothing to feel guilty over. After you accept your thoughts, try to watch them in a non-judgmental awareness. Don’t necessarily react to them or judge them as “good” or “bad.” Just sit back and passively watch them as if you were watching a movie.

If you watch your thoughts long enough in a non-judgmental state of awareness, you’ll notice that they eventually “ride themselves out” without much effort.

This is because our thoughts are always changing. Our mind is always going in new directions. So if we can be patient and wait long enough, intrusive thoughts will often go away all on their own.

In mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, there is a technique known as urge surfing that operates on this same principle. The main idea is that our thoughts and emotions are impermanent – they are in a constant state of flux. Therefore, even negative thoughts and emotions will eventually subside when we allow them too.

Through urge surfing we can remain non-reactive to our intrusive thoughts until they eventually become less intense and disappear. It’s analogous toward “riding out” a wave in the ocean. If we can remain balanced within the ebbs and flows, we can more easily navigate safely through the waves. In the same way, if we can remain patient and calm in the midst of intrusive thoughts, we can better overcome them.

It’s not always easy to disengage from intrusive thoughts, but with practice we can learn how to more easily let go of them. Once we learn how to do this, it doesn’t mean we won’t ever have intrusive thoughts anymore, but they will at least have a lot less influence over our mental well-being.

Stay updated on new articles on psychology and self-improvement here.

The main assumption behind the technique is that an urge never lasts forever – usually, no more than 20-30 minutes. Individuals can therefore “ride out” these urges simply by becoming more aware of their transient nature.

While reflecting on an urge, such as smoking a cigarette or eating junk food or engaging in promiscuous sex, we should first make note of all the physical and mental sensations that create that craving experience – these craving experiences will often vary depending on the person and the object of desire.

For example, you may identify a twisting sensation in your stomach whenever you crave another piece of cake. Learn how to tune into that feeling – step back and observe it – but don’t act on the impulse. Just watch your desires almost as if you are passively watching a movie.

At first, urge surfing can often make the craving become more and more intense. It’s kind of like this video of kids trying not to eat marshmallows.

Despite the kids’ temptation to eat the marshmallow right away, they try to hold out in hopes of receiving a larger reward in the future (two marshmallows). But as the experience drags on, many of the kids become more and more stressed out, and the craving continues to amplify.

This is a common occurence for most desires. It is analogous to a wave in an ocean growing larger and larger, as the craving builds and builds.

However, like all waves, they eventually come down and dissipate too. They don’t continue to build up forever; instead, they are impermanent, and in a constant state-of-flux. They rise, but also fall.

Our desires work in the same way when urge surfing. At first, it may seem like our temptations are only getting stronger and stronger, but eventually they weaken and subside, so long as we can “ride out” the craving long enough.

This is the main mechanism which allows urge surfing to be so effective in overcoming addictive behaviors.

A Step-by-Step Guide on Urge Surfing.

Here are the key steps for using “urge surfing” to help overcome your addictive behaviors:

• Identify the craving. The sooner you become aware of the craving the easier it will be to overcome it. You don’t want to have to fight the craving when the object of desire is already in your reach. By that point, the craving may already be too strong for you to overcome.
• Sit back and watch. The key component of urge surfing is your awareness. The goal is to sit back, watch these desires, and really become attuned to them. Don’t act, just observe – like a scientist observing something under a microscope.
• Make a mental note of the sensations. It really helps to pinpoint what it is that creates your craving experience. This includes both physical sensations and mental sensations, including certain thought patterns that may be running through your head (“One more won’t hurt me.”), or mental imagery. Often the more aware you become of your craving experience, the more you understand the anatomy of your desires.
• Be aware of environmental triggers. Often times our addictive behaviors are influenced by certain triggers in our environment. For example, hanging around at a bar makes it harder to resist the temptation to drink alcohol than if you were hanging out at a cafe instead. In the same way, associating with certain people may make you more likely to engage in an addictive behavior than if you chose a different group of friends to associate with. Being mindful of these environmental triggers can be an important part of urge surfing and better understanding your addiction. Learn to avoid these triggers in the future and you’ll have an easier time overcoming these negative habits.






• Keep in mind the lesson of “impermanence.” The takeaway lesson of urge surfing is that all of our thoughts and feelings are impermanent, including our desires. By showing a little patience, and remembering the inherent “transient nature” of our desires, we can remind ourselves that it is possible to ride out these cravings until they inevitably pass.
• Use a helpful mantra. If you want, you can also accommodate your urge surfing with a helpful mantra. Repeating an affirmation such as, “this too shall pass” or “I can ride out this desire” will help replace unhelpful thoughts with a more stable state of mind.
• Keep practicing. Like most of the techniques and tools I share on this site, “urge surfing” is something that you will get better at the more you practice. Don’t expect to try this one time and be free from your addictive habits. It’s more likely this will take a few trials and errors before you begin getting good at it.

I hope this short guide helps you in overcoming addictive behaviors in the future.

Stay updated on new articles on psychology and self-improvement here.

Clinging to both “bad experiences” and “good experiences” can be a source of suffering. Because when we cling to negative feelings, we prolong their power over our thoughts and actions. Instead of letting them take their course and then letting go, we hold onto these feelings and even begin to identify with them. And when we cling to positive feelings, we also attach to them as our only source of happiness, but we simultaneously set ourselves up for suffering once those positive feelings inevitably go away.

If everything is constantly changing, then the key to living a healthy life must be embracing this change as it unfolds, rather than attaching our happiness to a certain set of conditions. When we learn how to ride out these ebbs and flow of life, we paradoxically find contentment in the present moment (because we learn to embrace whatever is as it is).

Full acceptance of the present moment also includes an acceptance of its transient nature. And full acceptance of yourself also includes an acceptance that you too are always changing. From moment-to-moment, it often feels as though we are a static entity. But when you view yourself 10-20 years in the past, or what you will be 10-20 years in the future, you’ll often find that you can change drastically from one phase of your life to the next.

I find these ideas very conducive to personal development and mental health. Actually, the whole notion that “thing’s change” has helped me overcome countless internal battles over the past few years.

But it takes practice. Mainly, daily mindfulness, and actual eye-witness of this change as it takes place in the present moment. Conceptions of our “static self” can only be de-mystified by daily meditation into the nature of our changing selves. Change is not just an esoteric concept, but an observable, empirical truth that can be discovered by anyone who watches their daily experiences on a consistent basis. One of the my favorite meditations in de-mystifying this fixed self is objectless meditation. It is a pure mindfulness practice where the observer doesn’t try to concentrate on any one object, but instead allows their awareness to expand to the full range of their experience. During such a meditation your object of focus will shift between different sensations in your body, as well as different thoughts, emotions, memories, and imaginations. A person who has developed a strong sense of mindfulness will learn how to better engage in this process of change without clinging to any singular aspect of their experience.

And the ultimate goal of your meditation is to take this awareness into your daily activities. That means embracing change in all aspects of your life: your health, your relationships, your career, your personal habits, etc. All aspects of your being are in a dynamic state of flux. And keeping this simple truth in the back of your mind at all times can do wonders.

Image Credit

Join my newsletter for more!

I found this application of technology really exciting because it is very similar to what I’ve been working on for my mindfulness coaching, which entails using Twitter or text messages to help monitor thoughts, emotions, and actions in the present moment. This technique can be great for overcoming bad habits because it helps us:

• Identify times of the day when we experience the strongest cravings.
• Identify the environments we are in where we experience the strongest cravings.
• Identify and acknowledge the sensations, thoughts, and feelings that contribute to our cravings.

A random tweet or text message can initiate a short buffer that helps breakdown and weaken impulsive decision-making. It reminds us throughout the day to reflect on our desires, instead of acting on them automatically and without conscious thought. Mindfulness gives us the power to put a halt to habits that have become second-nature, to become more patient with ourselves, and therefore exercise a greater sense of will-power and choice.

Urge surfing

In mindfulness-based psychotherapy there’s a technique called “urge surfing.” The assumption behind the technique is that an urge never lasts forever. Usually, no more than 30 minutes. Clients can therefore “ride out” these urges simply by being more aware of their transient nature.

While reflecting on an urge to smoke a cigarette or eat something unhealthy, we should make note of everything that makes up the craving experience, and how it affects our bodies and minds. For example, we can identify the physical sensations that accompany the urge, where these sensations are located in our bodies, as well as other physical qualities. We can also make note of the thoughts and mental images that may amplify our cravings in that moment. It is common (if not universal) that the experience will change over time as we watch it.

Sometimes while watching a feeling it can become more and more intense. This is often compared to the tides of an ocean crashing further and further onto the beach, as the craving builds and builds. However, the important thing to remember while “urge surfing” is that eventually the tide will fluctuate and go back to a lower sea level. Then the urge becomes weaker and inevitably dissipates.

Urges do go away, but they may be very strong for a short while, especially when you are first starting out. Knowing that they will weaken will help you to continue to surf the impulses without giving in.

If you want, you can accommodate your urge surfing with a helpful mantra such as “this too shall pass.”

Back to technology

As mentioned before, technology can serve as a helpful interruption throughout our day to facilitate more conscious living. If we catch ourselves about to act on a desire, we can apply a reflective technique such as “urge surfing” until the urge has passed. By periodically reporting (and self-monitoring) our cravings, I believe we can cultivate a greater awareness of some of the more “automatic” habits we act out throughout our day, actions we often fail to reconsider or give a second thought.

However, if something like urge surfing is inadequate (maybe we simply can’t find the will-power), we can still use mindfulness to become more aware of the “external triggers” that influence our behavior. If we notice we are only compelled to engage in a bad habit around certain people or in certain environments, we can use that new found information to adjust the types of people we hang out with or the environments we engage in. This can sometimes be necessary to correct bad habits that are heavily rooted in our surroundings.

Either way, mindfulness and technology can play an important role in becoming more attentive to these needs, and therefore it should be strongly considered by anyone who is trying to fix detrimental behaviors. The text messaging technique can be a worthy supplement to psychiatric drugs or professional therapy, including Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, which already integrates mindfulness into some of its practice.

If you want to stay updated with The Emotion Machine please join our newsletter.