When I was younger, I have to admit I used to disregard a lot of empathy and compassion as meaningless and superficial. I recall watching news stories that seemed designed to tug at my emotions and manipulate me to feel a certain way. It seemed that if I didn’t sympathize or want to help others, I should feel guilty and ashamed of myself. In reality, I just wanted to take care of myself and discover my values on my own.

Over time, I learned to minimize my empathy and compassion for others. They were values that felt forced down my throat, and as a reaction I decided that I wouldn’t practice them. I wasn’t a moral nihilist, I just wanted to discover my own values for myself, like most people want to. I think everyone’s morality needs to be discovered for themselves, and blindly following other people’s values is always a recipe for disaster.

Then as I got older, and perhaps a bit more selfish, I noticed I couldn’t find happiness living this way. I used to harbor really negative feelings towards others. I found many people to be manipulators, liars, idiots, guilt-trippers, haters, and just plain evil. By this point I was already starting to get into personal development and trying to find happiness on my own.

Then things began to change. I had learned a lot of useful personal development techniques already (how to think more effectively, set goals, and so on), but there felt like something at my core was missing. I felt more rational than ever, but emotionally lost. I couldn’t make any sense of it.

Then, upon someone’s recommendation, I picked up Eckhart Tolle’s books Power of Now and New Earth. From that moment I began meditating and getting more attuned to who I was as a person or “self.” I gradually began to read more resources on Buddhism, Taoism, and Sufism, and I felt a wave of wisdom and clarity slowly crashing onto me.

I found that I was not as independent of a self as I thought I was. I was, in fact, quite interconnected to the people around me. I found that when I harbored negative feelings toward others, it was actually a reflection of my own insecurities and personality flaws. I didn’t like other people mainly because I thought they could never like me. The changed the way I treated others, which changed the way they treated me, and it turned into a vicious self-fulfilling prophecy.

The more I understood and experienced the metaphysical notion of “interconnectedness,” the more I realized how important empathy and compassion were. Because when people did things that caused me pain, I knew that was actually a reflection of their own suffering as well. I knew it, because I had been there myself.

With this understanding, I practiced becoming more empathetic and compassionate toward others. Not because someone on the news, or at church, told me that this is what I had to do (or I was evil). I did it because I could see clearly why I should value and contribute to the happiness of others.

In Robert Thurman’s book Infinite Life he describes a great metta meditation designed to expand our circle of compassion. We first start by sending positive intentions to those who are closest to us: friends, families or coworkers. Then we expand those positive intentions to the friends of our friends, families, or coworkers. From there we move on to showing compassion toward random strangers. Then, sometimes the most difficult step, is extending that compassion even to those who we dislike or consider to be enemies. Thurman describes a similar meditation in his TED video below.

Expanding Your Circle of Compassion

The Hitler Test

In light of this expanding circle of compassion, I wonder how many individuals can honestly say they have compassion for notoriously evil figures throughout our history, like Hitler or Osama Bin Laden.

It’s a question that I have pondered about for awhile (long before writing this post). I’ve asked people on Facebook, Twitter, and other social media if they could ever see themselves showing compassion to someone like Hitler and it has led to some really controversial debates.

I think this question is a good test for those who are trying to cultivate universal compassion. It helps to pay particular attention to our enemies, since those are the people who we often find most difficult to direct compassion towards.

To direct compassion toward someone like Hitler means that you sympathize with their suffering. Clearly, it takes a really sick man to do the atrocious things he had done. If only he had found true happiness and love in his own life, I doubt he would have acted so immorally. Perhaps if we can learn to better understand how to love our enemies, we can help reverse the cycle of suffering in this world.

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Alan Watt’s spider web is a great analogy for interconnectedness. If every individual is a dew drop on a spider web filled with other dew drops, and every dew drop contains a reflection of all other dew drops, than we can say that each individual is a reflection of all other individuals. This helps describe the non-duality between “self” and “others.” We are all reflections of other personalities. Last year I tried to describe this using another analogy, “consciousness is a house of mirrors.”

Perhaps the most famous analogy for interconnectedness is Indra’s Net:

“Far away in the heavenly abode of the great God Indra, there is a wonderful net which has been hung by some cunning artificer in such a manner that it stretches out indefinitely in all directions. In accordance with the extravagant tastes of deities, the artificer has hung a single glittering jewel at the net’s every node, and since the net itself is infinite in dimension, the jewels are infinite in number. There hang the jewels, glittering like stars of the first magnitude, a wonderful sight to behold. If we now arbitrarily select one of these jewels for inspection and look closely at it, we will discover that in its polished surface there are reflected all the other jewels in the net, infinite in number. Not only that, but each of the jewels reflected in this one jewel is also reflecting all the other jewels, so that the process of reflection is infinite.”

The Practice of Interconnectedness: Empathy

Empathy is a logical, existential and practical extension of the truth of interconnectedness. It is our “capacity to experience the same feelings or emotions that someone else is feeling.” When empathizing we are literally treating another living being as if it is a part of ourselves. Like the way our hand is attached to our body. In a moment of empathy, we are one.

Consider the implications that empathy has when we are trying to achieve happiness. If our feelings are interdependent on the feelings of others, then part of making ourselves happy is making others happy too, and vice-versa.

Interconnectedness is the metaphysical reasoning behind Buddhist morality. It tells us to show compassion and loving-kindness toward everyone, because they are no different than ourselves, and our sense of separation is an illusion.

We are all connected by virtue of being sentient beings, beings that suffer, and beings that seek happiness, meaning, and fulfilling relationships.

I think we all empathize in varying degrees. The Dalai Lama is on one side of the spectrum and sociopaths are on the other side. However, I think we can also exercise our empathy and build it up like a muscle. So even if we don’t have any experience being really good at empathy, we can train our minds to be more empathetic.

Here are some actions we can take to increase our capacity for empathy:

• Listen to others more and try to adopt their perspective.
• Do something kind for a family member, friend, or stranger.
• Donate to a charity you believe in.
• Dedicate a song or poem to someone.
• Do a metta meditation. Metta means “a strong wish for the happiness of others.”

These are all ways we can exercise our empathy right now. With practice, we may find ourselves feeling more connected with our world, more attuned to the emotions and thoughts of others, and feeling a greater sense of belonging and satisfaction. To me, these are simple practices, but they can make us much happier.

If it is metaphysically true that no self exists, then Buddhist ethics, free will, and karma seem to evaporate. To act selflessly would be to act without a mind and without intention. Yet, Buddhists often attribute the accumulation of karma to “right understanding” and “skillful volition” [2] – neither one possible without some self to process it’s environment and consciously act on it.

If I can truly act selflessly, then who or what accumulates karma for this deed? It can’t be me, since I don’t exist – so is it someone else? What if we had a Buddhist utopia and everyone acted selflessly – would any of us be conscious at all, or just cogs in a machine? In what other form can selflessness take besides self-annihilation – a rejection of consciousness itself – which, taken to its logical extreme, sounds principally anti-Buddhist.

Buddha never specified whether or not a self does or doesn’t exist. He refused to answer the question, presumably because it gave power to the self/other dichotomy, which he consider illusory and the source of all suffering.

I admit by contemplating these things I am to some degree falling for this dichotomy myself, but I thought this was worth philosophizing about; I so often see people preach “no self” as the ultimate ideal, end-goal, or enlightenment of Buddhist practice, yet I find it to be misleading, nihilistic, and potentially self-destructive. At best “selflessness” is a concept that serves as a means to a goal – a technique, a strategy, a stage, or a stepping stone – not an end to be achieved. I think the idea of “selfless” is intended to break apart our conventional understandings of a self, not to be a claim of something that is true.

The problem with the self is that we often think of it too narrowly. It becomes a prison, instead of something expansive, creative, and resourceful. Helping others should be viewed first and foremost as not something self-less but something self-evolving. In this light, Buddhist morality – the drive to be compassionate and kind to others – becomes strengthened rather than diminished. Interconnectedness is the nature of the self, not selflessness.

Sources

[1] “Not self” as a strategy in Thanissaro Bhikkhu’s “No self or Not-self”

[2] The Theory of Karma by Ven. Mahasi Sayadaw

The article was rather short (and not too informative), but one excerpt suggests a compelling parallel:

“Staff at Blair Drummond Safari and Adventure Park in Stirlingshire used video cameras to document the death of a terminally ill female named Pansy, believed to be more than 50 years old.

When she became lethargic in the days leading up to her death, other members of the group became quieter than usual and stayed with her at nights, grooming her more than they did normally.

After her death, her daughter stayed near the body for an entire night, even though she had never slept on that platform before.

All of the group were subdued for several days afterwards, and avoided the place where she had died, spending long hours grooming each other.”

Visit here to see two excerpts of some of this footage: the first video reveals a moment of death in a chimps life with surrounding family, and the bottom video shows a young chimp playing with a dead one until the mother takes it away.

Primal Empathy: Your Suffering Is My Suffering

When a chimp notices a family member is dying they become more attuned to that member’s needs (in the same way a mother becomes attuned to the needs of her baby). Like chimps, our brains “sync up” (as Daniel Goleman puts it in his book “Social Intelligence,”) and we feel what another being is experiencing. In social neuroscience this is referred to as primal empathy or “the ability to sense the non-verbal emotional signals of others and to feel what they are feeling.” Evolutionary psychology tell us that we are biologically driven to respond to those needs; in other words: they are instinctual.

We all experience primal empathy in one form or another. Narcissists and sociopaths show weak empathy for others while those who are charitable and compassionate are seen as more empathetic.

Whenever I think about empathy I am reminded of the teachings by Buddha. He emphasized the wisdom of interconnectedness and described loving-kindness and compassion as a logical moral consequence of this insight.

Science is bringing us one step closer to this knowledge. Through neuroscience we are seeing the biochemical effects of brains and minds feeling connected. In evolutionary psychology we are witnessing high-order thinking mammals exhibit empathy and compassion for one another.

Animal Consciousness

Who knows what it’s like to be a bat, or a whale, or even a tyrannosaurus? Each has a completely different sensory system and a completely different way to interact with its environment. If we were to zoom into the consciousness of any animal it would probably be akin to a psychedelic experience. Yet at the same time we are all united by the fact that we live, we breath, and we are all fighting to stay alive and satisfy our desires.

We often like to see animal consciousness as inherently distinct from human consciousness. Some claim animals aren’t even conscious at all (even to the extent that they don’t experience pleasure and pain). But this assumption seems to ignore even a basic commonsense understanding of other living things.

When viewing these videos of these chimps, when looking at animals at the zoo, or even when just observing our own pets, we are peering into the minds of these living creatures. For humans, empathy is inter-species.

Where Is Evolution Heading?

I don’t think anyone is truly qualified to say where nature is heading. Nature is always changing and adapting in unpredictable ways. If empathy proves to be a dominant force in our evolution, then perhaps we can conclude – to some extent – that nature is a scientific, moral, and practical argument to act good? Perhaps, nature is heading toward a direction of less suffering and a greater sanctity for life?

Maybe sometime in the far away future the golden rule can even beat out natural selection and “survival of the fittest.” Maybe nature does have the potential to be divine? Maybe I am also just dreaming, but one can have their suspicions…either way it won’t be in any of our lifetimes.

Businesses themselves are tremendously powerful vehicles for change, but they don’t just fall from the sky. They start within the mind of a single individual – with an idea, a thought, or an intention. The individual who acts upon these ideas changes his world, whether it is for better or worse.

A better self means a better world, no matter how small or large our impact might be. This is a powerful insight. If we can recognize our personal growth as part of the growth of a greater whole, we can begin to align ourselves with this greater sense of purpose being. Instnatly, we become more inspired and motivated to improve life conditions for our self and others.

Please take a moment to reflect on your own goals of self-improvement. Ask: “In what ways do these goals benefit the world as a whole?” If you cannot find any reasons – you may want to re-assess your intentions, or see if you can reframe your goals in a bigger way.

If all you want out of life is money, sex, and fame – but you neglect the interests of others – then you probably won’t get any of these things. Some still do, but often at the expense of happiness and integrity.

What I am trying to describe is a viewpoint – a way of looking at ourselves and how we fit into this larger ecosystem. If we closely examine the events in our world, we often find just how interconnected and interdependent we really are. Although our ego would rather see itself as separate and distinct; it becomes more empowered when it sees itself in a grander scheme. But this is not just a motivational tool, it is a reflection of reality.

I challenge my readers to reframe their goals within a context of “world improvement,” in order to foresee the greater implications of their actions.

When I reflect back on my own list of goals, a couple of things become immediately apparent to me. Take for example my goal to “Graduate From College.” On the surface this is nothing but a self-serving goal. Certainly by graduating I am not directly affecting any other person’s future. But what I learn through college allows me to become better equipped to serve society at large at some point in the future. I can use that knowledge for more than just personal gain, and the same can be said about a business that follows a code of ethics.

I challenge you to reframe your goals without this new and broader context. You will find that it strengthens your intentions to achieve those goals, by aligning your will to a so-called “higher power” (and I say this at risk of sounding too religious or mystical).