When I was younger, I have to admit I used to disregard a lot of empathy and compassion as meaningless and superficial. I recall watching news stories that seemed designed to tug at my emotions and manipulate me to feel a certain way. It seemed that if I didn’t sympathize or want to help others, I should feel guilty and ashamed of myself. In reality, I just wanted to take care of myself and discover my values on my own.

Over time, I learned to minimize my empathy and compassion for others. They were values that felt forced down my throat, and as a reaction I decided that I wouldn’t practice them. I wasn’t a moral nihilist, I just wanted to discover my own values for myself, like most people want to. I think everyone’s morality needs to be discovered for themselves, and blindly following other people’s values is always a recipe for disaster.

Then as I got older, and perhaps a bit more selfish, I noticed I couldn’t find happiness living this way. I used to harbor really negative feelings towards others. I found many people to be manipulators, liars, idiots, guilt-trippers, haters, and just plain evil. By this point I was already starting to get into personal development and trying to find happiness on my own.

Then things began to change. I had learned a lot of useful personal development techniques already (how to think more effectively, set goals, and so on), but there felt like something at my core was missing. I felt more rational than ever, but emotionally lost. I couldn’t make any sense of it.

Then, upon someone’s recommendation, I picked up Eckhart Tolle’s books Power of Now and New Earth. From that moment I began meditating and getting more attuned to who I was as a person or “self.” I gradually began to read more resources on Buddhism, Taoism, and Sufism, and I felt a wave of wisdom and clarity slowly crashing onto me.

I found that I was not as independent of a self as I thought I was. I was, in fact, quite interconnected to the people around me. I found that when I harbored negative feelings toward others, it was actually a reflection of my own insecurities and personality flaws. I didn’t like other people mainly because I thought they could never like me. The changed the way I treated others, which changed the way they treated me, and it turned into a vicious self-fulfilling prophecy.

The more I understood and experienced the metaphysical notion of “interconnectedness,” the more I realized how important empathy and compassion were. Because when people did things that caused me pain, I knew that was actually a reflection of their own suffering as well. I knew it, because I had been there myself.

With this understanding, I practiced becoming more empathetic and compassionate toward others. Not because someone on the news, or at church, told me that this is what I had to do (or I was evil). I did it because I could see clearly why I should value and contribute to the happiness of others.

In Robert Thurman’s book Infinite Life he describes a great metta meditation designed to expand our circle of compassion. We first start by sending positive intentions to those who are closest to us: friends, families or coworkers. Then we expand those positive intentions to the friends of our friends, families, or coworkers. From there we move on to showing compassion toward random strangers. Then, sometimes the most difficult step, is extending that compassion even to those who we dislike or consider to be enemies. Thurman describes a similar meditation in his TED video below.

Expanding Your Circle of Compassion

The Hitler Test

In light of this expanding circle of compassion, I wonder how many individuals can honestly say they have compassion for notoriously evil figures throughout our history, like Hitler or Osama Bin Laden.

It’s a question that I have pondered about for awhile (long before writing this post). I’ve asked people on Facebook, Twitter, and other social media if they could ever see themselves showing compassion to someone like Hitler and it has led to some really controversial debates.

I think this question is a good test for those who are trying to cultivate universal compassion. It helps to pay particular attention to our enemies, since those are the people who we often find most difficult to direct compassion towards.

To direct compassion toward someone like Hitler means that you sympathize with their suffering. Clearly, it takes a really sick man to do the atrocious things he had done. If only he had found true happiness and love in his own life, I doubt he would have acted so immorally. Perhaps if we can learn to better understand how to love our enemies, we can help reverse the cycle of suffering in this world.

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“According to a study that will appear in the March 2011 print issue of Archives of General Psychiatry, depression recurs in almost half of adolescent patients. The greatest predictors of a return to depression included:

* Being female. According to the report even more than half of females experienced a recurrence of depression.
* Being in short-term treatment who did not respond well to treatment.
* Having a co-occurring anxiety disorder (61.9% had a recurrence)

Although most depressed teens who receive treatment do recover from their initial episode of depression (96.4 percent), the high experience of recurrence points to a need for improved therapies. Recurrence often occurred two or more years after the initial experience.”

2. Emotional Intelligence Predicts Job Performance

“Emotional intelligence is a strong predictor of job performance, according to a new study conducted at Virginia Commonwealth University that helps settle the ongoing debate in a much-disputed area of research.

‘The Relation Between Emotional Intelligence and Job Performance: A Meta-Analysis,’ which has been published online by the Journal of Organizational Behavior and will appear in a future issue of the journal, builds upon years of existing studies in the area of emotional intelligence, which is a measure of someone’s ability to understand the emotions of themselves and others. The resulting analysis indicates that high emotional intelligence does have a relationship to strong job performance — in short, emotionally intelligent people make better workers.”

3. Neuroscience Meets Magic

“Falling in love affects intellectual areas of the brain and triggers the same sensation of euphoria experienced by people when they take cocaine, researchers from Syracuse University reveal in an article in Journal of Sexual Medicine. The study, called ‘The Neuroimaging of Love’ found that several euphoria-inducing chemicals, such as vasopression, adrenaline, oxytocin and dopamine are released in 12 areas of the brain that work simultaneously.”

5. High Level of Practical Intelligence a Factor in Entrepreneurial Success

“General intelligence is not enough. Practical intelligence can mean the difference between entrepreneurial success or failure. Psychologists have identified multiple kinds of intelligence, but a University of Maryland researcher’s study has found one–practical intelligence–to be an indicator of likely entrepreneurial success.

J. Robert Baum, Director of Entrepreneurship Research at the University of Maryland, defines practical intelligence as ‘an experience based accumulation of skills and explicit knowledge as well as the ability to apply that knowledge to solve every day problems,’ he said. In other words, practical intelligence can be referred to as ‘know-how’ or common sense.

Learning orientation has an impact on entrepreneurship success. Some people learn little from their experiences and therefore don’t acquire the practical intelligence necessary to begin a successful business venture, said Baum. Practical intelligence is the result of an experimental hands-on operating style that leads to specific learning. ‘Those with high practical intelligence tend to develop useful knowledge by doing and learning, not by watching or reading,’ he said.”

6. Blind Dog Uses Echoes To Find His Way Around

“A dog born without eyes is finding his way in life after teaching himself to ‘see’ like a bat – using echolocation. Rowan, a German Spitz, barks and then listens to the echoes to help him tell where he is in relation to his surroundings.”

Editor’s Note: I was surprised when I first heard about humans using echolocation, but now dogs?

7. Top 50 Psychiatrists Paid by Pharmaceutical Companies

“Who were the top 50 psychiatrists in the U.S. paid by the top seven pharmaceutical companies?

This past week, ProPublica, an independent, non-profit newsroom that produces investigative journalism in the public interest, recently decided to answer that question by compiling a list of 384 physicians and health care providers who earned more than $100,000 total from one or more of the seven companies that have disclosed payments in 2009 and early 2010.

We combed that list and found the top 50 psychiatry earners for the past two years (2009-2010). You can click on any name below to learn more about the physician.”

8. Is Autism Really A Form of Synesthesia

“Synesthesia is one of the more highly publicized conditions where neural cross-talk results in ‘cross-sensory percepts;’ an involuntary association of, say, colors to letters, or smells to sounds…

Now for autism. A new report details observations that high functioning autistic spectrum folks who have savant-like talents may be hyper-perceptive — they may have superhuman powers to sense things. But, not all things — just certain things. Perhaps this hyper-perception is really a hyper-wiring connection: like synesthetes.”

Although it may seem counter-intuitive, studies have shown that helping others actually does increase our own happiness. It gets us to step out of our own ego-driven tendencies, to empathize with others, and to share both their pain and joy. Their happiness becomes our happiness.

So what are some things we can do to exercise this skill?

1. Call Someone And Tell Them You Love ‘Em

Often we don’t tell others how much we love them even though we know how much they would love to hear it. Those that don’t feel loved can become depressed and suffer greatly. Because of this, it is important that we tell others we love them and we should remind them of it often. Go ahead and call your wife, husband, mom or dad and tell them that you appreciate all that they have done and that you truly love them for who they are. Even if it is someone who you haven’t used the word “love” to in a long while – work up the courage to still do it, it’ll benefit both of you.

2. Compliment A Stranger

Being kind is not something exclusive to people we know and already love. We should also exercise this amongst strangers. Sometimes there is nothing more pleasing than making a positive change to a stranger’s day. You can do this in a variety of ways: compliment an article of clothing or jewelry of a store clerk or just stop someone you pass in the street and compliment their smile. Make sure your words are genuine. Let the person know that you just had to tell them “Blah blah blah” and then go on your merry way.

3. Donate To A Charity

Donating to a charity is one of the most noble things one can do. It doesn’t matter if it is only a couple dollars or even a few thousand – it is the principle of the act. Sometimes the hardest thing to give up is a material good like money, but by detaching ourselves from this possessive mindset we are not only helping someone in greater need but allowing ourselves a greater freedom.

4. Schedule An Exciting Event

This one takes a little more time and effort than the past three, but this also means it can give us a greater satisfaction. Try to put together an event that a group of your friends or family can enjoy. Maybe you could throw an upcoming surprise birthday party for someone or a weekend costume party for a good time. The key here is to schedule something that is fun and exciting. Many of us need more of this in our lives due to the burdens of work and family life. By providing an outlet for people to let loose and relax you are doing a tremendous service.

5. Dedicate A Song, Poem, or Painting To Someone Significant