Alan Watt’s spider web is a great analogy for interconnectedness. If every individual is a dew drop on a spider web filled with other dew drops, and every dew drop contains a reflection of all other dew drops, than we can say that each individual is a reflection of all other individuals. This helps describe the non-duality between “self” and “others.” We are all reflections of other personalities. Last year I tried to describe this using another analogy, “consciousness is a house of mirrors.”

Perhaps the most famous analogy for interconnectedness is Indra’s Net:

“Far away in the heavenly abode of the great God Indra, there is a wonderful net which has been hung by some cunning artificer in such a manner that it stretches out indefinitely in all directions. In accordance with the extravagant tastes of deities, the artificer has hung a single glittering jewel at the net’s every node, and since the net itself is infinite in dimension, the jewels are infinite in number. There hang the jewels, glittering like stars of the first magnitude, a wonderful sight to behold. If we now arbitrarily select one of these jewels for inspection and look closely at it, we will discover that in its polished surface there are reflected all the other jewels in the net, infinite in number. Not only that, but each of the jewels reflected in this one jewel is also reflecting all the other jewels, so that the process of reflection is infinite.”

The Practice of Interconnectedness: Empathy

Empathy is a logical, existential and practical extension of the truth of interconnectedness. It is our “capacity to experience the same feelings or emotions that someone else is feeling.” When empathizing we are literally treating another living being as if it is a part of ourselves. Like the way our hand is attached to our body. In a moment of empathy, we are one.

Consider the implications that empathy has when we are trying to achieve happiness. If our feelings are interdependent on the feelings of others, then part of making ourselves happy is making others happy too, and vice-versa.

Interconnectedness is the metaphysical reasoning behind Buddhist morality. It tells us to show compassion and loving-kindness toward everyone, because they are no different than ourselves, and our sense of separation is an illusion.

We are all connected by virtue of being sentient beings, beings that suffer, and beings that seek happiness, meaning, and fulfilling relationships.

I think we all empathize in varying degrees. The Dalai Lama is on one side of the spectrum and sociopaths are on the other side. However, I think we can also exercise our empathy and build it up like a muscle. So even if we don’t have any experience being really good at empathy, we can train our minds to be more empathetic.

Here are some actions we can take to increase our capacity for empathy:

• Listen to others more and try to adopt their perspective.
• Do something kind for a family member, friend, or stranger.
• Donate to a charity you believe in.
• Dedicate a song or poem to someone.
• Do a metta meditation. Metta means “a strong wish for the happiness of others.”

These are all ways we can exercise our empathy right now. With practice, we may find ourselves feeling more connected with our world, more attuned to the emotions and thoughts of others, and feeling a greater sense of belonging and satisfaction. To me, these are simple practices, but they can make us much happier.

Often, we think of doing something nice as a rarity. Most people don’t seem to do it often and we reciprocate by not doing anything either. It is only during these strange times of holiday cheer that we begin to feel comfortable enough to actively spread love and happiness. Let us maintain this positive momentum for the following 364 days of the year as well. For any time of the year, here are some ideas that I find most important to consider whenever we are giving gifts or doing someone else a favor:

1. Have Their Interests In Mind

This may seem obvious but sometimes we can get caught in the trap of buying something that we would enjoy, while ignoring the interests of the person who we are giving the gift too. Of course, it is not always easy to know what someone else may want. We can try to overcome this by putting our self in someone’s shoes, or asking like-minded people what a good present might be. If you are trying to find something for a 6 year old boy, then you can ask other 6 year old boys. Similarly, if you know someone who is an avid golfer, then you can ask other avid golfers what a good brand of new clubs might be.

2. Let It Be From The Good Of Your Heart

All too often, and especially during the holiday season, we do “nice” things for people out of necessity or obligation. It is this kind of mentality that can ruin what would otherwise be a joyful celebration. It is much nicer and much more fun if we actually do others favors out of the goodness of our heart, and not out of some unhealthy and ill-defined obligation. Find the desire in yourself to make others happy, and by acting on these desires, you will find that you too will become much more happier and satisfied.

3. Make It Meaningful

If you excel at the first two intentions then this one often comes naturally, but it is worth pointing out anyway: make your favors and gifts as meaningful as possible. There is usually no extra financial burden to doing something with a little bit of meaning, something that shows you put in the time and thought into making a good gesture. A meaningful gift is one that will evoke a strong sense of appreciation in the recipient. Something that brightens the person’s day and makes life worth living. You also want to avoid gifts purely based on novelty or “quick highs,” and instead focus on things that will continue to have value over time.

4. Don’t Expect Anything In Return

If you expect something in return for your favors then you are limiting the magic of your actions. A true act of kindness is not dependent on any reciprocation. The act of giving in itself is all that is needed to experience pleasure and happiness. If we expect something in return, but we don’t get it, we may conclude that our actions were for nothing, but that isn’t the goal of giving to others, is it? It is probably for the best that we diminish any expectations we may have in getting something in return for our efforts. This doesn’t mean we should be shocked if someone reciprocates a good deed, but it shouldn’t be dependent on our ability to exercise kindness.

5. Feel Proud Of What You’ve Done

Often we get immediate gratification after doing something kind for another. It simply feels good to make others feel good. But some like to suppress these feelings. Perhaps it is because they define altruism through “self-sacrifice,” and therefore, much like the story of Jesus dying for our sins, they feel that an act of kindness must be at the expense of our own life, happiness or well-being. I wish to dispel this notion. It is of utmost importance that we feel good when providing for others. If we can exercise this will, if we allow ourselves to feel good for our good deeds, then we are more motivated to continue these actions of kindness in the future. Be proud of your noble efforts! Be selfishly generous.

Final Words

I hope this post provides some good food for thought for the next time you are intending to help another. All acts out of kindness are commendable, but if we can accept some of these ideas, and raise our consciousness regarding what it means to be giving, then we can bring our kindness to the next level.

Although it may seem counter-intuitive, studies have shown that helping others actually does increase our own happiness. It gets us to step out of our own ego-driven tendencies, to empathize with others, and to share both their pain and joy. Their happiness becomes our happiness.

So what are some things we can do to exercise this skill?

1. Call Someone And Tell Them You Love ‘Em

Often we don’t tell others how much we love them even though we know how much they would love to hear it. Those that don’t feel loved can become depressed and suffer greatly. Because of this, it is important that we tell others we love them and we should remind them of it often. Go ahead and call your wife, husband, mom or dad and tell them that you appreciate all that they have done and that you truly love them for who they are. Even if it is someone who you haven’t used the word “love” to in a long while – work up the courage to still do it, it’ll benefit both of you.

2. Compliment A Stranger

Being kind is not something exclusive to people we know and already love. We should also exercise this amongst strangers. Sometimes there is nothing more pleasing than making a positive change to a stranger’s day. You can do this in a variety of ways: compliment an article of clothing or jewelry of a store clerk or just stop someone you pass in the street and compliment their smile. Make sure your words are genuine. Let the person know that you just had to tell them “Blah blah blah” and then go on your merry way.

3. Donate To A Charity

Donating to a charity is one of the most noble things one can do. It doesn’t matter if it is only a couple dollars or even a few thousand – it is the principle of the act. Sometimes the hardest thing to give up is a material good like money, but by detaching ourselves from this possessive mindset we are not only helping someone in greater need but allowing ourselves a greater freedom.

4. Schedule An Exciting Event

This one takes a little more time and effort than the past three, but this also means it can give us a greater satisfaction. Try to put together an event that a group of your friends or family can enjoy. Maybe you could throw an upcoming surprise birthday party for someone or a weekend costume party for a good time. The key here is to schedule something that is fun and exciting. Many of us need more of this in our lives due to the burdens of work and family life. By providing an outlet for people to let loose and relax you are doing a tremendous service.

5. Dedicate A Song, Poem, or Painting To Someone Significant