It’s a significant milestone to me, but more importantly it’s provided me with a lot of experience about what it means to build a following.

I’ve certainly learned a lot of important things over the past few years, and I still have a lot more learning to do as well. I hope to share at least some of what I’ve learned here in this post.

In many ways, I think these principles apply to anyone who is trying to build a following around anything – whether it’s promoting a band, or building a business, or recruiting people around a certain cause.

Most people won’t care about you.

When building a following of any kind, it’s an unfortunate and discomforting fact that most people will never give a damn about who you are or what you do.

That’s because we vary so much as individuals. We each have a different array of values, interests, and priorities, and many times those values, interests, and priorities don’t match up with other people.

You have a metal band? That’s great, but the truth is 90+% of music fans probably don’t care for metal.

Should that discourage you? Absolutely not. It’s a trend you are going to find in almost any niche, so don’t beat yourself up when most of the people you try to reach out to are apathetic toward you.

Usually it’s nothing personal. It’s often just a difference in character. Maybe what you do just isn’t their “thing.” Or other times people are just too busy being distracted by other stuff.

This principle is especially important to keep in mind when you are first starting out, since it may take awhile until you start noticing some positive feedback (or any feedback at all, for that matter).

A lot of people will actually like you.

Building a following takes time and patience, but I promise you that eventually you will start finding people who actually like what you do.

The truth is that despite how unique you may be, there are still many others out there who share your values and interests, and who will therefore appreciate what you bring to the table.

So often I come across people who have a fervent passion for something, but they don’t pursue it because they question whether anyone else will care. I’m here to tell you that, yes, you will find plenty of people who care – so long as you care – and you remain persistent in searching for the right people.

Once you start finding those people who like what you do, start actively listening to what they have to say about you. What is it that they like exactly? If you dedicate yourself to building off their feedback, your influence will continue to grow.

A few people will absolutely love you.

Over time while building a following, you will begin to come across that small percentage of people who absolutely love you and everything you do.

These individuals make up your “core tribe.” They hang onto every word you write or say, and they continue to come back to you for more. Often times they share your work with others, which is one of the most effective and organic ways of expanding your influence to new people – by word of mouth. The more you have other people creating a buzz around you, the less you have to promote yourself. And the truth is people always trust the word of a friend or family member more than they trust a random stranger who is trying to sell himself.

So despite these individuals being only a small minority of the visitors you get, they are easily your most valuable asset. They bring support and enthusiasm to your message that you can’t possibly create all by yourself. And in many ways, these people add tremendous value to the work that you do.

Every great message needs loyal supporters. And when you find people who care that much about you and your work, you should reciprocate and give back as much as possible. Treat them with the utmost of respect, and many of them will have your back for life. The benefits from maintaining these kinds of relationships is incalculable.

Some people will hate you.

While building a following you will eventually come across certain people who will criticize you or hate you for a variety of reasons.

It could be that you or your work represent something that they vehemently disagree with. Sometimes differences in values can create real conflict. It’s an unfortunate, but very real part of human nature.

Other times, a person may just be envious of your success and they’d rather see you fail so they can feel better about themselves. This kind of hating often stems from low self-esteem and insecurity – and it’s also pretty common.

The only way to successfully deal with “haters” is to ignore them and continue on despite them. If you really believe in yourself, your values, and your work, then you’re just going to have to persist forward regardless of what some people may think. All I ask is that you don’t be too surprised when met with this resistance.

The good and bad of building a following.

As you can tell, building a following isn’t always a completely pleasant experience. You will undoubtedly experience a lot of frustration and criticism, and it’s going to take some time, patience, and dedication before you start to see some traction with people who actually appreciate what you do.

I just wanted to write this post to get you more familiar with how things will probably break down as you reach out to more and more people. The distribution of these 4 categories (apathy, like, love, hate) will vary from person to person, but almost anyone who has ever built an influence has had to deal with each of these.

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This article will give you some sound tips for handling “stupid people” more friendly and effectively, while minimizing conflict and hostility.

Defining “stupid.”

Without being too judgmental, I think we can all agree that everyone has varying degrees of intelligence in certain domains of life.

The wizard mathematician may be socially inept. The virtuoso guitar player may be scientifically illiterate. And the all-star athlete may be emotionally immature.

As Albert Einstein once said, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

I agree with Einstein in the sense that I believe everyone has their strengths. At the same time, everyone has their weakness too. And when we find ourselves to be significantly more intelligent in something than another person, it can sometimes be difficult to deal with that person because our differences are so great.

Despite these differences, however, we still have to deal with “stupid people” every now and then. The fact is we are social animals, we need to cooperate with others to get along and be civilized, yet by simple chance we are going to occasionally come across people who we find stubborn, irrational, or just plain annoying. Here are some helpful tips to deal with these so-called “stupid people” more effectively:

Try to see from their worldview.

Empathy is our ability to think and feel from another person’s perspective. It is one of the best ways to diminish hostility and intolerance toward others.

When we actively step outside of our limited worldview, and instead look through the eyes of others, we often find that their worldview isn’t as irrational or nonsensical as we may have first thought. When we are willing to step into another person’s perspective, we better understand why they think, feel, and behave the way they do.

And once we gain a better understanding into that person’s mental state, it is often much easier to accept the differences we may have with them, and perhaps even admire them.

Acknowledge their strengths.

I advocate as much as possible that we try to find the good in everyone. Because as I mentioned before, “stupid people” are often not really stupid at all.

There are hundreds of children who have severe ADHD and very poor test grades, yet they can probably kick anyone’s ass in the Xbox game Call of Duty. The simple truth is everyone has the capacity to become really good at something, especially when they find an activity that they have an intrinsic interest and passion for.

Once you understand this, you are much more capable of finding strengths in others. You may even be surprised by how talented most people are when they find something they enjoy doing. So the next time you find yourself labeling “stupid people,” see it as a personal challenge to find something good about that person.

Be respectful for no good reason.

Let’s pretend you can’t understand a certain person no matter how hard you try to empathize with them. You also tried to find their strengths, but failed to find any redeeming qualities. In such a case, sometimes you should just be the “better man” for no good reason.

More times than not, it’s worth it to just be respectful and tolerant for no other reason than to keep the peace and stay civilized as human beings. Instigating conflict rarely ends well, even when we truly believe we are smarter and more capable than the other person. Sometimes a simple smile and nod of the head is all you need to do to diffuse your ill feelings.

If you absolutely have to – just walk away.

It’s possible that you will cross paths with people in your life who are absolutely unbearable. It happens. We are a very diverse species – with different knowledge, values, interests, and goals – so it makes sense that there will be some people who you just won’t mesh with no matter how hard you try.

The important thing to remember is that it’s perfectly alright not to get along with everyone. The smartest thing you can do sometimes is just ignore the other person, break any contact with them, and avoid conflict as much as possible. When it comes down to it, sometimes “walking away” is the best solution for both people.

Stay updated on new articles on psychology and self-improvement here.

My reasoning is simple: those who don’t believe in themselves automatically inhibit their potential by not thinking they are capable or deserving of achieving their values and goals in life.

But those who do believe in themselves are willing to do their very best in whatever situation they find themselves in. And even when they fail, they believe they can learn from it and overcome it.

The big difference? One person feels capable, the other doesn’t. One tries their best, the other gives up after the tiniest bit of struggle.

Healthy self-esteem can make all the difference between a person who achieves their dreams and goals, and a person who never even gives themselves a fair chance. Without it, it doesn’t matter how many strengths or talents you have, because in all likelihood you’ll never have the courage to use them.

So how we think about ourselves and treat ourselves is incredibly important, and it’s not something to be taken lightly.

Here are some commonsense tips and suggestions I have for anyone who is working on building their self-esteem:

1. Reflect on your strengths and accomplishments.

Deep down, I really believe that everyone offers some kind of value to this world. We all have our own particular strengths and talents, and when we focus on these good aspects of ourselves, we are more likely to build off of them and accomplish some pretty remarkable things in the process.

A lot of people have strengths that they don’t acknowledge for whatever reason. Maybe they are bashful. Maybe they don’t want to show off.

But I say when we make our strengths shine we make the world a better place. We create something valuable, and we inspire others to purse their strengths as well. Believing in yourself doesn’t have to just be about you, it can be about how you can improve society as a whole. Feeling good about yourself doesn’t need to be perceived as a “selfish” or “narcissistic” thing.

2. Exercise and stay healthy.

An important thing to remember about mental health is that our mind and bodies are one and the same. If you treat your body like crap, then you’re probably going to psychologically feel like crap too.

Recent research has made it crystal clear that those who take care of their bodies and exercise frequently show less signs of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

In general, people who take care of their bodies have more respect for themselves. No one feels good after munching on a full bag of Doritos or a whole night of heavy drinking. Learn how to minimize your bad habits and start investing more time eating healthier and trying to stay fit.

Start simple by cutting out all soda or going for morning walks every other day. Once you start building healthy habits they will begin to come second-nature. I guarantee you will start feeling better about yourself almost right away.

3. Accept things you can’t change.

Everyone has some things about their life that aren’t perfect. Some of those things we have control over, but a lot of those things we don’t have control over (like certain physical attributes, genetic limitations, and other environmental factors).

Despite these shortcomings, we have to learn to accept them – without feeling bitter, assigning blame, or fostering negativity toward ourselves.

Accept the fact that everyone is dealt a different hand in this game of life, and some people have to face more obstacles than others.

It wasn’t Viktor Frankl’s fault that he was a Jew during the Holocaust and thus got locked up in a concentration camp for most of his life. However, he learned to find satisfaction in his life despite these external circumstances – by accepting them and instead focusing on the aspects of life he did have control over.

4. Learn how to reframe.

Reframing is learning how to change your perspective about a certain situation or experience.

For example, successful people (in any domain of life) often view “failures” as learning experiences – and by looking at their failures from this perspective they become more motivated to improve themselves.

On the other hand, people who don’t have this perspective often view “failures” as evidence of their incompetence. Instead of being educated and motivated by them, they think of them as proof that they should quit.

If you sign up for my newsletter then you’ll get a free short guide on “How to Reframe,” which shares several types of reframes we can apply to different areas of our life.

5. Have a passion.

A passion is any activity that we find intrinsically satisfying. Often when we talk about it, people notice a fire in our souls. And when we actually engage in the activity, we get lost in a state of flow – hours go by, but we don’t notice because we are so indulged in what we are doing.

Everyone needs a passion. Everyone needs that something that resonates deeply and makes them tick.

Maybe your passion is music, or baseball, or computer programming, or photography, or parenting? Maybe it is all of the above.

Most people don’t just have one single passion, but multiple ones. The important thing is that we have something to get excited about. Because without a passion our lives can quickly become very dull.

6. Be social.

No matter how introverted or extroverted you may be, I believe everyone needs to have some kind of social life. Even if your social circle is only 2-3 close friends, it’s important that you have people who support you and are on your side.

For many reasons, humans have evolved to be social creatures. By working together, we have constructed many institutions (marriage, technology, science, government) that have enhanced our ability to survive and adapt to our environment.

Individuals that fail to fulfill their duties as a social being often feel depressed and isolated. They go through life with no sense of “belonging” (like the kind Maslow defines in his “Hierarchy of Needs”) and it becomes difficult to build positive and rewarding relationships that improve our lives.

Although we may like to believe that self-esteem is something that is solely about us – the truth is that our self-esteem is highly dependent on our ability to connect with others in a meaningful way.

If you suffer from social anxiety and have a hard time making new friends, I highly recommend Sean Cooper’s The Shyness and Social Anxiety System. It’s a self-help workbook that uses scientifically proven techniques in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help individuals reduce their stress and anxiety around others.

7. Adopt a confident posture.

A lot of research in psychology demonstrates that you become what you pretend to be. In other words, by adopting a confident posture and using body language as if we have high self-esteem, very often those habits begin spilling over into our attitude and self-perception.

A straight back, open posture, and warm smile are some of the key habits that studies have shown increase our well-being and self-esteem. And by mimicking these behaviors (even if at first it seems a bit fake), we can begin to adopt a more positive perception of ourselves.

8. Poke fun at yourself.

I’ve noticed that those with the highest self-esteem are also the first people to poke fun at themselves

This is probably because individuals with true self-esteem don’t feel the need to take themselves too seriously. They have a healthy and modest ego, so they see little need to boast, brag, or try to impress everyone.

Instead, they acknowledge their imperfections with a sense of humility and humor.

When they make a mistake, they give a sincere apology. And when something embarrassing happens to them, they see it as an opportunity to share a funny story in exchange for a few laughs.

When you become comfortable in your own skin, you are often much more willing to take wise cracks about yourself around other people. The irony is that when you do this people end up actually liking you more (even though you aren’t deliberately trying to “win” anyone over or make yourself out to be anyone who you aren’t).

9. Respect everyone as equals.

Another trend I find is that those who have deep-down insecurities about themselves often disrespect and mistreat others.

It’s possible that they find themselves to be insecure with who they are, so they project that insecurity onto others in order to make themselves feel better.

Part of the problem comes from the “social comparison trap.” Many people unconsciously (and sometimes consciously) compare themselves to other people and judge whose situation is “better” or “worse.” This kind of judgmental thinking can often hurt ourselves, because it gives the appearance that life is a constant conflict between “us” and “them.” It can also lead us to believe that the “grass is always greener on the other side,” and we can never find contentment with our own lot in life.

Instead, I recommend (as corny as it may sound) that we try to take a more egalitarian approach to how we view others. I sincerely believe that there is good in everyone and everyone has their own unique place in this world (hey, I said it wasn’t going to get corny), therefore, I have a strong belief that everyone is deserving of some respect (even those who may have been misguided at some point in their life).

As Plato wisely said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

And I find that when you show compassion toward others, it becomes that much easier to show compassion toward yourself as all. We are all just humans – imperfect, but ultimately just trying to find happiness.

10. Take responsibility.

A person who takes responsibility for their actions will always be better off than someone who doesn’t take responsibility.

Responsibility is the acceptance of our personal power.

The idea is that we do have some control over our lives, but only if we become more conscious of the actions we take on a daily, moment-by-moment, basis.

The problem is most people go through life similar to a puppet on strings – they take little responsibility for their life situation – and instead consider themselves to be merely a victim of outside circumstance.

This process of “victimization” is the opposite of taking responsibility. Victimization is when we believe that everything negative in our life is due to some external force that we have no control over.

But taking control of the negativity in our lives requires that we first take SOME responsibility and accept that we play a causal role in how our lives end up.

Of course, this doesn’t mean we have complete 100% power over our reality (that would be taking it to an extreme). Clearly, as I mentioned in point 3 – “Accept the things you can’t change,” there are always some limitations to how much we can improve ourselves.

The really important thing is that we learn to distinguish what aspects of our lives are (and aren’t) in our control, then we assign responsibility to ourselves when it’s appropriate. Only then can we really take conscious control over our lives and build healthy self-esteem.

Bonus video: Katt Williams on “Self-Esteem” (Warning: NSFW language)