There is a funny thing that happens whenever you try to achieve something special – you’re going to find a lot of doubters. Even though last month was one of my most successful months blogging (in a number of ways), I still have a hard time telling others that this is what I want to do for a living. That’s because, almost without exception, I always sense some kind of doubt from the other person. Sometimes it is more subtle, like in their tone of voice when they say, “Well, good luck with that.” Other times it is more overt, like when they say, “Yeah…or you could get a real job.”
Yeah, it hurts. A little. Not enough to get me to stop though. I know that no one has more faith in this blog than me. And I know it’s always going to be that way – this is my baby.
Well, actually, she’s not even a baby anymore – she’s a toddler – because the beginning of this month marks my 3rd year blogging. Two whole years being a full-time blogger – that’s a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, but what do I have to show for it? Well, a lot, I would say. I have posted over 260 posts within that time. Not all of them were great, but many of them I think are very informative and will continue to be informative to others for years to come. I have also gathered over 1,000 subscribers on my new mailing list that I started in January. That is an accomplishment that I am very proud of, because I know not many bloggers have done that.
At the same time, my short history of blogging is rich in failures. But that is what I have come to expect and even embrace. I have failed before, and I will fail again in the future. If I’m not failing every now and then, am I really pushing my boundaries? Probably not. Over the past 2 years I have experimented with many different aspects of blogging (and in my life more generally), and a good percentage of those experiments have crashed into the ground and exploded right in front of my face. It fucking hurts, but I learn from it, brush it off, and get back to business. This is one mantra that plays out in my head constantly:
“If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.”
Thomas Watson
Of course, doubters make failure feel even worse, like pouring lemon juice on an open wound. Unfortunately, that’s sometimes what it takes to develop a thick skin. Eventually, you come to accept that failure and criticism are natural stages of personal development. They still hurt every time – but you begin to find that they are short-term costs that can transform into long-term benefits. You begin to accept the occasional bump and scratch, but continue on the path anyway. Your scars become battle wounds that remind you of past resilience.
It’s also natural to sometimes question the path you are one and if it is right for you. Maybe you do need to change something. Maybe other people are right when they say your path is leading to a cliff or dead-end. It’s important during these times of doubt to:
- Reflect on your values. Are you acting in accordance to them, or is there some internal conflict?
- Examine your wounds. Have they healed and made you stronger, or are they still bleeding?
- Accept the facts. Are you ignoring or learning new information you find along the way?
- Look long-term. Are you only after short-term gratification or are your actions a part of a bigger whole?
- Be ready to fail more. Are you prepared for future obstacles or are you looking for the path of least resistance?
- Learn how to take criticism. Be actively willing to hear other people’s opinions, even if they clash with yours.
- Be patient with yourself. Sometimes it takes awhile for things to begin to click, don’t sell yourself before giving an honest effort.
I believe all of these things will make you more persistent in meeting your values or goals. Undoubtedly, everyone experiences some difficulty. And undoubtedly, you will doubt yourself from time to time. I remember attending a book signing with Jonathan Safran Foer (author of “Everything is Illuminated” and “Extremely Loud, Incredibly Close.”) He mentioned how 99% of the time when he writes he’s not exactly sure where it’s heading, but then there is that 1% “eureka moment” where it all seems to come together. I’ve experienced similar eureka moments while blogging. Much of the time there is uncertainty, but every now and then things begin to “click” – and it’s well-worth the wait. You discover a new plateau, and then it’s back to exploring the unknown.
And that unknown will again instill some doubt in you. And you will fail again. And you will find – again – that there are others who still doubt you, and perhaps even wish you to continue failing. And you will be expected – again – to renew faith in yourself. It’s a patten that all growth seems to follow. It’s a pattern that “successful” people learn to recognize and embrace. I don’t believe there is one single “successful” person I know who doesn’t implicitly or explicitly understand this cycle of personal development.
It doesn’t matter what it is you are trying to achieve – become a musician, athlete, artist, writer, accountant, doctor, etc. – all endeavors seem to follow this cycle. And the more special the thing you are trying to achieve, the more criticism and doubt you will have to face.
David Zucker
I had to include this quote in my post because it so accurately depicts my attitude. I don’t think it is possible to go through life without critics and people telling you to stop being yourself. While I encourage people to listen to their critics, I also think there is some criticism that is worth ignoring. If someone is telling you something that doesn’t align with your core values, you need to disregard their input and carry on anyway.
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Yesterday I was walking home from the grocery store and two young guys ran from behind me and tackled me to the ground. They immediately started hitting me, kicking me, and yelling at me to give them my money. My first thought was, “Holy shit, I’m being robbed. This has never happened to me before, so I better cooperate.” Then I noticed that their hits and kicks were really “weak.” I no longer wanted to cooperate, I wanted to fight them off. Immediately I yelled “Fuck this!” and got to my feet, ready to fight. But by the time I could look up they were already bolting away toward a car down the road. I checked all my pockets – they didn’t get anything.
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Steven = 1
Young Thugs = 0.
Upon reflection, I figured that the robbers didn’t really want to hurt me, they just wanted to intimidate me; they expected me to feel overwhelmed and just give in, taking the path of least resistance.
I thought more and realized that actually describes a lot about the obstacles we face in life. So often I find people quitting or selling themselves short when the going gets tough. Maybe they are writing a book and they can’t think of how to end it, or they are trying to build something and they find they made a lot of mistakes. Some people give in whenever they are met with the slightest bit of resistance or uncertainty, and that can stop many from achieving really great things.
Self-efficacy, feeling capable of overcoming obstacles, is key to facing resistance. If we are met with a challenge and think we are powerless, then we automatically submit any control we have over the situation. You can only take action once you think your actions have an effect. Having self-efficacy doesn’t mean we don’t ever face challenges, just as courage doesn’t mean we don’t ever have fear; in fact, both are required. The point is that you try to do your best in spite of whatever resistance that arises.
So I want you to take a moment and reflect on some of the resistance in your life, whatever it may be – work, health, relationships, etc. And I want you to try and find how resistance can be a necessary part of life, growth, and self-improvement. You can’t avoid it in all situations, and you can’t avoid it forever, so you need to learn how to face it head-on, perhaps even embrace it. Whatever you do, don’t give up so easily.
It’s 9AM. I am already starting my second cup of coffee, and I have just finished an hour and a half of reading other people’s articles while leaving thoughtful comments. This is what I have been doing for the past couple of weeks in hopes of driving more traffic to my site.
In the pursuit of any endeavor we can’t ignore the fundamentals. Knowledgeable, aspiring young bloggers know that you need to build relationships if you want to establish a loyal fanbase. This means visiting other blogs, replying to comments and e-mails, making your site look presentable, and providing consistency in content.
However, the fundamentals alone won’t get you the success you want, whether it is with blogging, starting a business, or with life in general.
Don’t get me wrong – the fundamentals are crucial – but you need that X factor if you want to take your work to the next level. In fact, with the competition, it is almost as if we need a Y and Z factor too.
So what do X, Y, and Z stand for? Well…that is for you to figure out. If I could tell you, then they would no longer be X, Y, and Z; they would just be any old information that any hack could get a hold of.
Risk-Taking
- Ray Bradbury
Pat Flynn at SmartPassiveIncome.com makes a healthy living off blogging. He says he is not a millionaire, but he does make enough to support his wife and new baby boy. As a successful businessman, he says if you want to up the ante then you need to take bold actions.
In business or in life you really only have two choices:
A. Do you want to blend into the background?
B. Or do you want to stand out from the rest?
When asked this question, many will jump to their feet and scream, “I want to stand out from the rest!” But it isn’t that easy.
Standing out can be painful. It requires us to step out of our comfort zone, take risks, experience failure, and then still have the conviction and will to get back up again. Many won’t be able to get back up on that horse after only their first time falling. It can be that hurtful and dispiriting.
Mindful Persistence
Some folks believe that as long as you are strong and persistent in spite of your failures, then you can make it through anything. I’ve written about this before and I certainly still believe that commitment is a strong value to have during any endeavor.
But what if your failure isn’t due to you or any lack of skills? Maybe you keep getting thrown off because there is something wrong with the horse? How do you know when a failure is due to your lack of commitment or if it is the pursuit in itself that fails?
That is why I propose mindfulness, a concept I discuss very frequently on this blog. Mindful persistence means knowing when to be persistent and knowing when to ditch an idea completely.
We need to know when to attribute a failure to our self and when to attribute a failure to uncontrollable circumstances. If the problem is something inside ourselves, then we need to stay persistent, do research, keep failing, and eventually learn the tools of the trade. If the problem is an uncontrollable circumstance then it is time to accept a change in strategy.
“Test fast, fail fast, adjust fast.”
- Tom Peters
What risks am I taking?
As a 21 year old, my biggest resource is not money or experience but how I spend my time. I graduated college a semester early so that I could get a jump-start on what I wanted to do. Even before I chose to major in psychology I knew I wanted to make a living being self-employed, without any concerns for bosses and strict deadlines.
My biggest risk thus far is my decision to remain unemployed and devote my full-time towards this site. I am now working on my first ebook, which is going to be my first bold step forward in monetizing my work.
Some may think I am naive or foolish, but I see things in my future that I cannot expect others to see for me. That is a big part of what makes a risk a risk. I am willing to step out on that limb.
Ask yourself, “What risks am I taking?” What things are you looking to put on the line and what do you think you can achieve in return?
Join me for the ride
This blog is as much about improving myself as it is about improving the world. That is one of the major themes throughout my writing. I provide a lot of free and useful content on this site and I want to encourage people who have a similar attitude to join my newsletter, where I share my latest posts along with articles and videos from all over the internet. If you click on that link you can also check out the latest issue of my newsletter and get a taste for the types of things to expect in the future.