I think a friend is one of the best kinds of relationships in the world. When you have quality friends, you know that they will be there to support you through the very best and worst of times.

The Shyness & Social Anxiety System

I’ve learned that most socially anxious people do exactly the WRONG things in most social situations. This book will teach you what the RIGHT things to do are.

If you don’t know anything about making friends, and would like to get this part of your life handled, this book will help you.

If you can’t talk to people of the opposite sex, or you struggle to say the right thing or run out of things to say in conversation, this book will show you simple ways to solve these problems.

According to the study, 68.4% of the mentally troubled said they “often felt happy,” in contrast to 89.1% of those who “often felt happy” – but didn’t have a mental disorder.

So while it is still easier to find happiness without a mental disorder, there is some evidence that mental disorders and happiness aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive.

Researchers had trained interviewers question volunteers about various psychological symptoms they may have been experiencing within the past month. They found that 16.5% of their sample fit into a psychiatric disorder. To test for happiness, the researchers asked only one question regarding how often the participant felt happy, on a scale from “never” to “always.”

(There are some obvious limitations to the design of this study. Asking only one question to measure happiness isn’t very conclusive, at all).

It was found, however, that those who suffered from alcohol abuse reported the same level of happiness as healthy participants. Meanwhile, those who suffered from depression and social anxiety had the lowest levels of happiness – although a significant number of these people still reported frequent happy moods.

The study also followed participants over time and found that those who reported higher levels of happiness at the start of the experiment also showed better recovery from their mental disorders.

I believe the broader lesson in this study is that the co-existence between mental disorders and happiness is indeed possible. And those who may suffer from a mental disorder shouldn’t fall for the “black and white” thinking that their disorder automatically means they will never be able to achieve happiness.

An optimist often tries to find the good in everything. This perspective can cause less stress, less anxiety, and a more empowering and motivating attitude.

Positive psychologist Martin Seligman coined the term learned optimism to explain that people can cultivate more optimism by challenging their negative self-talk. Seligman believes that learning an optimistic attitude is crucial to finding happiness and living healthier.

However, despite these benefits, some research is showing that too much optimism in certain situations can actually be harmful.

According to some psychologists, excessive optimism can cause us to ignore information that goes against our rose-tinted perspective (a kind of “confirmation bias“). This leads some optimistic people to only focus on benefits, but at the same time ignore risks and costs.

In one study, experimenters had participants estimate the risk of a negative event happening to them in the future, such as car theft or getting cancer. After the participant predicted a probability, they were told the actual statistical likelihood it would happen to them.

After a short break, participants were then asked again what the probability of a certain negative event was. What researchers found was that optimistic people only changed their estimates when the information they were given was better than expected, but tended to ignore information that went against their optimism:

“For example if they had predicted that their likelihood of suffering from cancer was 40%, but the average likelihood was 30%, they might adjust their estimate to 32%. If the information was worse than expected – for example, if they had estimated 10% – then they tended to adjust their estimate much less, as if ignoring the data.”

These findings were consistent with some brain research that was also conducted. Researchers found that when people were presented information better than expected, there was high activity in the frontal lobes (suggesting that the participant was re-calculating their estimate). But when the information was worse than expected, there was much less activity in the frontal lobes, almost as if participants were disregarding the new information.

Dr. Sharot who led the study added:

“Our study suggests that we pick and choose the information that we listen to. The more optimistic we are, the less likely we are to be influenced by negative information about the future. This can have benefits for our mental health, but there are obvious downsides. Many experts believe the financial crisis in 2008 was precipitated by analysts overestimating the performance of their assets even in the face of clear evidence to the contrary.”

This is because opportunity is just as much based on our way of seeing as it is based on external circumstances.

Opportunities are a lot like self-fulfilling prophecies.

If we keep our eyes open for new ones, we are more likely to spot them when they actually pop up in our lives. But if we never look for opportunities, we often don’t see them – even when they are actually there waiting for us.

Of course, opportunity has a bit to do with luck and chance, but it also has a lot to do with our beliefs and perspective.

Here are some of the main beliefs and attitudes that correlate with opportunistic thinking:

Believe in free will.

Those who don’t believe they have any will-power or control over their life are going to automatically inhibit themselves from taking advantage of the opportunities that pass us by on a daily basis.

We must not view ourselves as puppets on strings, subject only to the whims of external forces. Instead, we are conscious thinkers and actors that participate with our environments.

Life is not just something that happens to us from the outside, it is also what we choose to make of it. We shouldn’t ignore this power and responsibility.

For more on my take on free will (a compatibilist approach): The Illusion of No Control.

Have an openness to possibility.

To be an opportunist, we can’t be stubborn in our thinking, and we can’t limit our beliefs and map of reality to a single narrow perspective.

Instead, we have to at least show openness to new perspectives, new ideas, and new beliefs that we may not have previously considered.

It’s important to have this sense of flexibility in our thinking, because it opens us to more creative ways of interpreting the information we get about our world, and how we can apply that information in new and unconventional ways.

Opportunistic thinking can often be enhanced when we allow ourselves to view the world a bit more differently than others.

Take quick action.

Sometimes we miss out on opportunities because we keep thinking there will be “something better around the corner.”

Opportunists avoid this trap by taking quick action.

An opportunist doesn’t spend too much time waiting, hoping, or praying for some ideal situation. They know that the quest for perfection often leads to procrastination.

So instead, they stay vigilant for the little (but imperfect) opportunities that pass us by on a daily basis, and they take advantage of these opportunities soon after they present themselves.

They know that if they hesitate too long, they may never get a second chance.

This can be just as true for filling out a job application as it is approaching a good-looking girl at a bar, or buying tickets for an upcoming concert, or following through on a business plan.

An opportunist knows that opportunities don’t sit there and wait for us – we have to take action while they are still available.

Be aware.

Our ability to discover new opportunities is intrinsically dependent on our awareness of our environment and our surroundings.

Techniques that help build awareness (mindfulness exercises like: 100 Breaths Meditation or STOP) can help us process information we get from our environment with a greater scope and clarity.

Having this increased awareness greatly increases our chances of discovering new opportunities. And it also improves skills in problem-solving and creativity. Be aware of your awareness, because it plays a huge role in how you process the world.

Learn optimism.

Optimism is a positive perspective we hold about life that encompasses beliefs and thought patterns like:

• “Good things will happen to me.”
• “I can overcome obstacles.”
• “Life and people are generally good.”
• “I am capable of achieving my values and goals.”

Interestingly, positive psychologists are discovering that our optimism is not something we are predestined or born with, but something we can learn and cultivate on our own. And by cultivating this positive attitude, we often invite good things to happen to us.

This doesn’t mean that a positive attitude alone can give you everything you want (see my post on Dangerous Trends in Personal Development to help avoid this unhealthy thinking). However, I do believe that positivity within reason can be a very constructive outlook on life.

Questions.

• What are some other tips and advice you may have for becoming a better opportunist?

Share them in the comment section below!

Of course, positive psychology wasn’t the first to emphasize the importance of meaning in living a satisfying life. Probably ever since human’s first became self-aware, they have asked themselves deep and profound questions about their life’s meaning and purpose. It is a struggle that we all seem to face, but some of us deal with it better than others. The existentialist psychologist Viktor Frankl wrote in his book “Man’s Search for Meaning” how even under the harshest conditions we can find meaning in our suffering, and live with dignity and satisfaction. When Frankl was put into a concentration camp during the Holocaust, he used to give lectures to an imaginary audience. In this way, Frankl learned to cope with his suffering by using his imagination to create a more meaningful existence to his life. He believed that by playing out his imagination objectively, he could find a deeper sense of purpose. He did.

I believe we should all exercise this capacity to some extent, and I believe imagination and creativity play a huge role. The human mind is gifted with this incredibly ability to restructure the way it views reality and experience. And as Frankl demonstrates, we can take truly awful circumstances in our life and transform them into something positive for ourselves.

I found this same theme to be very prevalent in the film Tideland by Terry Gilliam. The main character is a little girl who is incredibly lonely and lives with a very negligent father (played by Jeff Bridges). In some scenes, the little girl actually helps her father shoot up massive amounts of heroin, after which the father passes out for extended periods of time. In the girl’s fit of loneliness and desperation, she goes outside and her imagination takes over. She carries around the heads of three dolls, who all have their own personalities, and together they go on all kinds of adventures. Objectively, the life of this girl is harsh and miserable. But inside her head, she finds a way to get by.

Apparently most people who saw the film found it incredibly depressing (which is understandable) but the director Gilliam emphasizes that we often underestimate just how resilient the human mind is (especially when it is accompanied by a child-like imagination).

Of course, the examples presented by Frankl and Gilliam are extreme cases. But we all go through some kind of suffering, and by creating a new layer of meaning we can find ways to overcome this suffering.

When creating this meaning we don’t need to be as dreamy (or “delusional”) as the little girl in Tideland. Often creating meaning in one’s life is as simple as writing poetry, composing a song, dancing, or painting a picture. We shouldn’t constantly live in some imaginary existence, but using our imagination in some way can be incredibly healthy and emotionally relieving. A healthy imagination, in my honest opinion, is a crucial component to mental health and living a meaningful life.

I believe that when we participate in art or other creative activities, we simultaneously change the way we think about ourselves and our world. We begin to recognize that we are participators in this game of life. Life is not just something that happens to us, but something that we also create for ourselves. And by engaging in art and creativity, we feel more capable in taking control of our thoughts, emotions, actions, and life in general. Being creative empowers us.

Interestingly, there is some empirical evidence that shows a relationship between mental illness and creativity. Perhaps some of this is due to the unconventional thinking of those with mental illness. But I also think creativity is a natural coping mechanism. If people with mental illness are more likely to suffer than those without mental illness, art and creativity is something that the mentally ill would be naturally drawn to in order to manage their condition.

But, in truth, I think most of us are naturally drawn to some form of creativity. There may even be a hunger for it, and when that hunger isn’t satisfied I think our lives become drastically less meaningful and less satisfying.

The moral of this post is to embrace your ability to create new meaning in your life. And in my opinion art is one of the absolute best ways to do this. If you don’t already have a creative hobby, I suggest starting one. Don’t have the time? Make room for it, especially if you are in need of an emotional boost.

I personally engage in creative ways by posting on this blog, taking photographs, writing scripts for movies, and composing songs on my computer. I can’t imagine how much less fulfilling my life would be without hobbies like this. They make a big difference, they help me love life more.

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