I remember a time when I was very depressed, and looking back, I can now see how my absolutist views were a big reason I couldn’t get out of the rut I was stuck in for so long.

Black and white thinking is our tendency to look at the world in terms of “all or nothing.” We either find things to be “good” or “bad,” “beautiful” or “ugly,” “easy” or “hard,” “happy” or “sad.”

We don’t acknowledge all the grey areas in life. The things we can’t fit into a box. Life’s paradoxes. Unknowns. The stuff that’s difficult to put into words.

Instead, black and white thinking is the illusion that we have all the answers to life when we really don’t. And when we engage in this type of thinking, it can actually cause a lot of unnecessary problems in our life.

Black and white thinking limits our perspective.

When we only see things in black and white, we miss out on alternative ways of viewing the world. These other perspectives may be just as good if not better than our current perspective.

Black and white thinking often creates a false choice between “A” and “B,” when “C” is the more accurate and helpful view. Unfortunately, if we only think in black and white terms, then we are unlikely to even consider “C” a possibility in the first place.

Black and white thinking increases depression.

A black and white viewpoint often creates artificial “needs” in our life that lead to disappointment and depression.

The cognitive-based psychotherapist Albert Ellis called one example of this “musterbation.” This is our tendency to think that we must have something, or we must do something, or life must be a certain way – or it will be awful.

Black and white thinking doesn’t open us up to the possibility that even if life doesn’t work out exactly the way we think it should, we can still find happiness.

Black and white thinking makes us less willing to compromise.

Black and white thinking doesn’t just hurt ourselves, but also the relationships we try to build with other people. When we view the world in strict and over-simplistic terms, we are less likely to compromise and cooperate with others to meet common interests.

Again, it’s because we don’t acknowledge the grey areas in life. We believe everything needs to be a specific way, and we aren’t willing to deviate from this narrow view of the world.

This makes us stubborn and frustrating to live with or work with. People are often turned off by those who think they are always right and hold dogmatic views about the world. If you want to build stronger relationships, then try being more flexible.

Black and white thinking makes us less adaptive.

At the end of the day, black and white thinking makes us less adaptive to our surroundings. This hinders our growth as individuals. It’s also what keeps us stuck in old habits and thought patterns.

Once we acknowledge that we don’t know everything about the world, we can begin to learn new things and change our ways.

Black and white thinking comes with the assumption that we always know where to “draw lines in the sand.” But the truth is we don’t. Sometimes new information and new experiences tell us we need to adjust those lines we draw. And without this open-mindedness, we will always be trapped within those same limitations.

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The main assumption behind the technique is that an urge never lasts forever – usually, no more than 20-30 minutes. Individuals can therefore “ride out” these urges simply by becoming more aware of their transient nature.

While reflecting on an urge, such as smoking a cigarette or eating junk food or engaging in promiscuous sex, we should first make note of all the physical and mental sensations that create that craving experience – these craving experiences will often vary depending on the person and the object of desire.

For example, you may identify a twisting sensation in your stomach whenever you crave another piece of cake. Learn how to tune into that feeling – step back and observe it – but don’t act on the impulse. Just watch your desires almost as if you are passively watching a movie.

At first, urge surfing can often make the craving become more and more intense. It’s kind of like this video of kids trying not to eat marshmallows.

Despite the kids’ temptation to eat the marshmallow right away, they try to hold out in hopes of receiving a larger reward in the future (two marshmallows). But as the experience drags on, many of the kids become more and more stressed out, and the craving continues to amplify.

This is a common occurence for most desires. It is analogous to a wave in an ocean growing larger and larger, as the craving builds and builds.

However, like all waves, they eventually come down and dissipate too. They don’t continue to build up forever; instead, they are impermanent, and in a constant state-of-flux. They rise, but also fall.

Our desires work in the same way when urge surfing. At first, it may seem like our temptations are only getting stronger and stronger, but eventually they weaken and subside, so long as we can “ride out” the craving long enough.

This is the main mechanism which allows urge surfing to be so effective in overcoming addictive behaviors.

A Step-by-Step Guide on Urge Surfing.

Here are the key steps for using “urge surfing” to help overcome your addictive behaviors:

• Identify the craving. The sooner you become aware of the craving the easier it will be to overcome it. You don’t want to have to fight the craving when the object of desire is already in your reach. By that point, the craving may already be too strong for you to overcome.
• Sit back and watch. The key component of urge surfing is your awareness. The goal is to sit back, watch these desires, and really become attuned to them. Don’t act, just observe – like a scientist observing something under a microscope.
• Make a mental note of the sensations. It really helps to pinpoint what it is that creates your craving experience. This includes both physical sensations and mental sensations, including certain thought patterns that may be running through your head (“One more won’t hurt me.”), or mental imagery. Often the more aware you become of your craving experience, the more you understand the anatomy of your desires.
• Be aware of environmental triggers. Often times our addictive behaviors are influenced by certain triggers in our environment. For example, hanging around at a bar makes it harder to resist the temptation to drink alcohol than if you were hanging out at a cafe instead. In the same way, associating with certain people may make you more likely to engage in an addictive behavior than if you chose a different group of friends to associate with. Being mindful of these environmental triggers can be an important part of urge surfing and better understanding your addiction. Learn to avoid these triggers in the future and you’ll have an easier time overcoming these negative habits.






• Keep in mind the lesson of “impermanence.” The takeaway lesson of urge surfing is that all of our thoughts and feelings are impermanent, including our desires. By showing a little patience, and remembering the inherent “transient nature” of our desires, we can remind ourselves that it is possible to ride out these cravings until they inevitably pass.
• Use a helpful mantra. If you want, you can also accommodate your urge surfing with a helpful mantra. Repeating an affirmation such as, “this too shall pass” or “I can ride out this desire” will help replace unhelpful thoughts with a more stable state of mind.
• Keep practicing. Like most of the techniques and tools I share on this site, “urge surfing” is something that you will get better at the more you practice. Don’t expect to try this one time and be free from your addictive habits. It’s more likely this will take a few trials and errors before you begin getting good at it.

I hope this short guide helps you in overcoming addictive behaviors in the future.

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Psychologists use a procedure called “The Rubber Hand Illusion” to challenge an individual’s sense of body ownership. A recently published study showed that schizophrenics – who already exhibit a weak sense of self – experienced the illusion to a greater degree than healthy controls.

Other research suggests that focused physical exercise can help improve body ownership and thereby alleviate some symptoms of schizophrenia.

Body Ownership and “The Rubber Hand Illusion”

In the “The Rubber Hand Illusion,” participants begin to perceive a rubber hand as if it was a part of their own body. The experiment is fairly simple, but it can have some wild effects.

Researchers hide one of your hands behind a small sheet and then put a rubber hand into view. They then stroke a paintbrush along both your real hand (the one that’s hidden), and the rubber one.

What happens among two thirds of healthy participants is that they begin to perceive that the sensations of the paintbrush are actually coming from the rubber hand, not their real one. When participants are then asked to close their eyes and point toward their real hand, many will point closer toward the rubber one instead.

The “Rubber Hand Illusion” is a play on vision, touch, and body posture (proprioception). Often the stronger the effect, the less someone has a true sense of “body ownership.” To get a better idea on how the experiment works, you can check out a video of the illusion below:

Schizophrenia and “The Rubber Hand Illusion”

Those with schizophrenia are already known to have a poor concept of self, a big part of which includes their sense of “body ownership.”

In a recently reported study, schizophrenics were shown to have a much more heightened effect when undergoing this “Rubber Hand Illusion.” When asked to point toward their real hand, schizophrenics pointed significantly closer to the rubber one than their real one when compared to healthy controls. One participant in the study even reported floating completely above their body for about 15 minutes – a very rare case of an “out of body experience” (OBE) being spontaneously produced in the laboratory.

These findings fit perfectly with the already existing theory that those with schizophrenia have a weaker sense of self and body ownership.

The Importance of Physical Exercise for Schizophrenics

Previous research has shown that physical exercise can help reduce symptoms of schizophrenia (see here and here).

This is because physical exercise, especially focused activities like yoga and dance, can help improve an individual’s body awareness and body ownership.

Sometimes these nightmares can be so intense that they lead to panic attacks, vivid flashbacks of negative past events, and even aggressive behavior.

The U.S. Army is currently doing research on how to counteract these nightmares by placing individuals into a “dream-like” virtual reality designed to quickly calm nerves and relieve anxiety.

The suggested treatment is that whenever a solider or veteran wakes up from one of these traumatic nightmares, they will immediately put on a pair of 3D digital goggles and enter into an “animated world of comforting sights.”

The research is based on other current existing treatments for PTSD, including image rehearsal therapy, where therapists and patients work together to identify stress triggers and how they can be defused in future situations. It also integrates biofeedback, where a patient can monitor their stress levels in real-time and find relaxation techniques that help bring their stress levels back down to their baseline.

Using both of these techniques, those who suffer from PTSD will be able to construct their own unique virtual reality, one that suits them best in lowering stress levels after an unpleasant dream. Researchers are hoping that the use of this kind of therapy over time can decrease the frequency and intensity of these nightmares in the long run.

While the research certainly isn’t finished, virtual reality already shows some promise of being a valuable therapy for other anxieties and phobias. There is some evidence that it can aid in relieving fears of spiders, flying, and public speaking.

It will be interesting to see how virtual reality therapy develops into the future. I’m always fascinated to see how new technologies are integrated into modern psychotherapy and just how beneficial they can be in helping mental disorders of all types. This will definitely be something to keep our eyes on as more research comes out.

What is exposure therapy?

The main goal of exposure therapy is to expose ourselves to situations that elicit anxiety. And by exposing ourselves to these situations in a gradual and systematic way, we can slowly habituate to environments that once caused us great fear and panic.

Usually, the individual first comes up with a “hierarchy of behaviors/situations” that cause them to feel anxious. For example, someone who is trying to overcome social anxiety may have a hierarchy like:

• Going out in public (Low Anxiety)
• Making eye contact (Low-Medium Anxiety)
• Saying “Hi” to a stranger (Low-Medium Anxiety)
• Having a short conversations with a stranger (Medium Anxiety)
• Being interviewed for a job (Medium-High Anxiety)
• Talking to a boss (High Anxiety)
• Approaching a good-looking guy/girl at a bar (High Anxiety)
• Going on a first date (Very High Anxiety)
• Giving a public speech (Very High Anxiety)

Everyone’s hierarchy of behaviors/situations is going to be different depending on the individual and the type of anxiety. Therefore, it’s very important that you take the time to systematically break down your anxiety in a way that works best for you.

For example, if you start by exposing yourself to situations that elicit high levels of anxiety (like a public speech), then you’re probably just going to get frustrated and give up.

Therefore, it’s crucial that you start with situations that elicit low levels of anxiety first, then – once you overcome those – you can gradually move on to more difficult ones.

By doing this in a step-by-step way, you slowly condition yourself to these new situations and behaviors. They begin to become more familiar – you may even realize they weren’t “as bad” as you first thought they were. Your social anxiety diminishes more and more, and one day you look back and forget what it was ever like to be the “old, anxious you.”

What’s the “right exposure?”

As Sean Cooper describes in his guide, it’s very important that you get the “right kind” of exposure. Because if you go into these situations without a clear goal in mind, then often you end up just making your social anxiety worse.

“Exposing yourself” to a situation doesn’t just mean walking in a room and standing their idly. You have to ask yourself, “How do I want to act in this situation?” Because if you expose yourself to new situations, but keep acting in the same old ways, then you’re just re-conditioning yourself to continue being anxious. You’re sort of exposing yourself to the situation, but you’re also partially avoiding it. Thus, you’re not really exposing yourself to your anxiety head-on.

For example, if you walk into a bar with the intention to meet new people, but you don’t actually approach anyone, then you’re just re-conditioning yourself to go into a bar, stand by yourself, and be really nervous.

If that’s your strategy, then it won’t matter how many bars you expose yourself to – you’ll still always be partially avoiding what you really want. Deep-down you may think you are trying something new, but you’re actually avoiding your social anxiety, which is the opposite of exposure therapy.

Learn more about exposure therapy and social anxiety.

This post really goes over the main aspects of exposure therapy, but the truth is there is a lot more to it that I can’t go over in just one sitting. If you wish to learn more about how to use exposure therapy for overcoming social anxiety, then you have two options.

First, join my newsletter. I am constantly publishing new content about social anxiety, and other realms of psychology and personal development. Subscribing to my mailing list is the best way to stay updated on this new content.

Or you can also check out The Shyness and Social Anxiety System. Cooper does a really great job at explaining social anxiety, and how to use methods like Exposure Therapy and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help overcome your anxiety. A lot of the stuff I write about social anxiety on this site is actually influenced by his system.