Psychology and Self Improvement
Categories: Relationships | 2 Comments

Here is a 5 minute slide-show presentation on some quick but effective tips you can use to be a better communicator.


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: Conversation Confidence – 4.5 hours of high quality audio advice (plus a workbook) on how to bring your conversation skills to the next level.

Categories: Psychology | 11 Comments

I’ve been writing a lot about social anxiety lately, but the truth is I’ve had a lot of other things floating around my mind lately. Here is a short video I recently made contemplating the limitations of psychology. It’s a bit more philosophical than my latest stuff, but maybe you can get some insights from it. Be sure to share some of your thoughts in the comment section.

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Categories: Education | 45 Comments
School

At a very early age in our development, many of us are expected to go into educational institutions that prepare us for the real world. In theory, we should prepare young individuals with the life skills they will need to be successful as they reach adulthood. Subjects like science, math, English, and history can be seen as fundamental components to a well-rounded individual – and crucial for social progress into the future.

An adult that doesn’t understand basic math or English will likely suffer due to their lack of knowledge. They will have a hard time adapting to a world that expects you to be able to keep track of your own finances, or write an e-mail to a family member, friend, employer, or politician.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that the educational institutions we have now are the only (let alone the most desirable) way to teach children these fundamental skills. In fact, our educational system today seems to come with many drawbacks and unhealthy assumptions regarding how to properly educate children.

I’ve been critical of today’s schools ever since I’ve been a part of them. It’s not because I’m bitter for getting poor grades (actually, I was mostly a straight A student who took a college semester’s work of AP classes before I ever graduated high school). I was technically “smart,” in the sense that I knew how to perform well on tests, but that’s not all there is to a good education.

I also don’t think that my dislike of school is due to my specific circumstances. Meaning, I just happened to be put into a bad school. From what I gather, New York has some of the best public schooling in the country, and my particular high school happened to be one of the “better” ones in Nassau County. By all measures, my peers and I were quite “privileged” to attend the schools that we did. Yet, the system still seemed ridden with problems and short-comings that I believe have led to some long-term struggles for me. I imagine these problems are equally represented in other schools around the country (or even around the world).

While I could probably write a book elaborating on some of these things that I believe ruin our current schooling system, I’m going to narrow my focus to 5 main points that I think are fairly universal among most schools. Some of these will likely resonate with your own experiences. Others may not.


1. Grades are more important than knowledge.

This is one of the most common critiques I see regarding schools, and rightfully so. There is a world of difference between knowing how to regurgitate facts on a multiple choice or “fill-in-the-blank” test compared to actually understanding the material you are learning. In school, we are taught that an “A” is the highest level of achievement. And so long as you know how to memorize the right things and take a test, then you are presumably “intelligent.”

Why it doesn’t work: When we teach our students how to be more focused on grades, rather than the love for knowledge, we set ourselves up for an intellectually lazy generation. One that is content on mediocrity and “getting by,” rather than developing a true sense of wonder and curiosity.


2. The key to success is obedience and conformity.

As I mentioned in the introduction, I was a very good student on paper. Teaches usually liked me because I didn’t cause a ruckus, I didn’t question what they said, and I was very obedient and complacent to what they demanded from me. Even when we were told to write persuasive essays, I usually argued in favor of something that I knew the teacher would approve of (even though in my head I wanted to rebel against these social norms). My few experiences trying to deviate from what was expected usually back-fired on my report cards. I remember one time writing an essay about why video games were good for children, I remember my grade being significantly deflated compared to the times where I argued in accordance to my teacher’s values.

These troubles were especially prevalent throughout my history classes (which were by far my least favorite subjects). As a social science, you cannot teach history without presenting the information from some kind of point-of-view. The best history teachers are the one’s who try to cover issues from a variety of different perspectives, but often times your history teacher is personally biased to present information in a certain way. Critical thinking often becomes diminished for the sake of being a “good student.” To add to the fire, these classes are usually our first taste of politics, so we become molded into a certain way of thinking before ever having the ability to form our own beliefs.

Why it doesn’t work: Often we aren’t just learning English or history – we are implicitly being taught how to conform to the teacher’s worldview, beliefs, values, and personal philosophy. Parents may think they are sending students to school to learn fundamental and universal skills, but often children walk out with a cleverly molded view of reality. (This of course is also true in parenting and other early experiences throughout a child’s life, but the point still stands strong, and schooling is one of the biggest culprits).


3. Procrastinate ’till the last minute and you’ll be OK.

So many people I know bullshitted their way through school. They learned all the tricks on how to perform well on homework and tests without ever really putting in any planning or effort. For example, in English class, I used spark notes the night before I had to write an essay way more than I ever read the books we were supposed to read. And grade-wise, I did just fine. For most tests, I could usually cram some memorization in the night of and pass with flying colors. By the time the test was over, I forgot everything I “learned,” and got prepared to bullshit for the next chapter.

Maybe I was smart, maybe the classes were just too easy. That’s one problem you’re going to have when you try to standardize the curriculum to fit hundreds of individual’s varying needs. For me? I rarely felt challenged. I left school thinking I could cut-corners everywhere (and I still face the consequences of this mindset today).

Why it doesn’t work: Now that I’m in the real world, I know that the success I want to accomplish is going to take deliberate planning and hard work. I never learned these lessons in school – I’m trying to learn them now.


4. Your individual interests are largely irrelevant.

In this great interview, John Taylor Gatto describes the origins of our current school system. He claims today’s system is largely modeled after the Prussian educational system in the mid-1800s. In the U.S., the Prussian system was advocated and financed by industrial power giants like John D. Rockefeller, Andrew Carnegie, and JP Morgan. They viewed individuals in a population as essentially cogs in a wheel; individuals were described as “raw materials” that needed to be “processed” in order to fit the demands of the current economy.

Instead of supporting students to pursue their individual talents and skills, their potential was largely ignored or thwarted, and instead the demands of society as a “whole” (mainly decided on by a select few social engineers – industrialists and politicians) became of primary importance. In essence, the education system was designed to manipulate and control populations on a massive scale. I would argue much of this still holds true today.

Why it doesn’t work: At the very least, the current education system diminishes our potential to evolve and grow, both as individuals and as a society. As individuals – our talents, skills, interests and values are placed as secondary importance. As a society – we lose out on a lot of creative and innovative thinking that could otherwise improve social progress. See this classic TED lecture by Sir Ken Robinson on how schools kill creativity.


5. Social hierarchies are rigid and hard to break.

One aspect of education that isn’t exactly related to class work is the social hierarchy that is often reinforced behind school walls. Of course, every child has certain social inclinations. Some may prefer large groups of peers, while others may prefer to hang out with smaller groups. The problem with schools is that there isn’t much breathing room to accommodate different student’s social preferences. Most students are usually mandated to be in a classroom with 25-30 students everyday of the week for 6-7 hours (this is usually the standard in both private and public schools).

As a result, introverted individuals, who may need extra time away from people to “recharge their social batteries” won’t get that accommodation met. Instead they will be uncomfortably placed in social settings that in-fact inhibit their social development and make them incredibly nervous and anxious.

School doesn’t directly teach us how to be social or manage our relationships, it just sort of throws us into a social cage and whatever haphazardly develops out of it is what we get. Often for males, aggressive jocks and alpha males rise to the top, while passive nerds and geeks get bulldozed over. And for females, looks and gossip are of primary importance if you want to fit in. Of course these are cliches, but it touches on a general tendency that develops and becomes reinforced throughout many school hierarchies. In return, many students graduate with a warped view of others.

Why it doesn’t work: Schools are a very confining place for social interactions to develop in a healthy manner. They are rarely a good environment to foster compassion and empathy toward others.


Conclusion

I’m sure you won’t agree with everything I said here – everyone’s experiences at school are a bit different. For some, middle school and high school may have been the best times of their lives. For others, it may have been a complete nightmare.

The big point I want to make here is that there are some obvious drawbacks and limitations that come with our current schooling, which unfortunately we don’t seem to have many viable alternatives for.

In general, I think the attitude towards learning that is propagated in many schools today runs at the antithesis to a proper education. Curriculum has been standardized to the point where it only appeals to the lowest common denominator of people. Meanwhile, most individuals, especially ones with passions, skills, and talents, usually have their strengths minimized for the sake of conformity and easy management. As a result, I really feel we all suffer.

My best advice is that:

  • If you’re in school now, then recognize that it isn’t the most accurate depiction of reality. Learn what you can, but be mindful to question authority and not take what you are told for granted. Start exercising this independence now, and you’ll have a greater advantage when you step into the “real world.”
  • If you’ve already graduated from school, then be mindful of some of the unhealthy lessons from your childhood that you may still be carrying around with you today. Find ways to test your old assumptions, and try to see the world from a greater diversity of perspective.

I’m sure I can ramble about these things plenty more, but this is probably a good stopping point for now. If you want to follow some of my future writing on this subject and others on personal development, then please feel welcome to join my newsletter for weekly updates.

Question:

What aspects of school did you find to hinder your personal development?

Categories: Psychology | 3 Comments

A recent study in Cognition and Emotion found that anger can sometimes make us more critical thinkers by inhibiting our confirmation bias. Instead of only searching for information that supports our beliefs, anger can create a “moving against” tendency that motivates us to seek alternative information that opposes our assumptions.

The study had participants do two different experiments (which they thought were unrelated). In the first experiment, Group A wrote about an experience that made them angry, while Group B wrote about a mundane, ordinary experience. This has shown in previous research to facilitate a mood change.

In the next experiment, each participant was asked to evaluate their opinions on hands-free mobile kits. All participants were chosen beforehand because they believed the hands-free kit to be safer while driving than holding the phone to your head. Researchers had participants choose several articles to read about the safety of hands-free kits. What they found was that those who were primed to be angry were more likely to choose articles that went against their opinion. Meanwhile, those who were in the neutral state were more likely to choose articles that supported their opinion (an example of confirmation bias).

By the end of the experiment, those who were primed to be angry were more likely to shift from their original opinions. This demonstrates that anger can sometimes be a useful emotion for playing “devil’s advocate” and seeking alternative viewpoints.

A similar study was also conducted in 2008 regarding the election between Obama and McCain. Supports of Obama who were primed to be angry were more likely to seek positive information about McCain and shift their opinions. Meanwhile, supports of McCain who were primed to be angry were more likely to see positive information about Obama and shift their opinions. Anger doesn’t automatically make us change our minds, but by seeking information that goes against our opinions it can help us be more understanding of alternative viewpoints.

I often like to emphasize on this blog how “negative” emotions can serve a positive function, and this research is one good example of that. Have you ever had a positive outcome due to your anger? Share it with us in the comments section!

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Categories: Personal Development | 1 Comment


Personal development often means a shift in responsibility. But we have to be cautious when assigning blame to ourselves, as many things are often outside of our control.



Main Points

  • Before we can make a change in our lives, we have to shift our responsibility to aspects of our life that we previously didn’t take responsibility for.
  • One big caveat to responsibility, however, is that we can assign blame to ourselves when an event was actually outside of our control.
  • This can be detrimental to mental health, because it leaves us ruminating and regretting events that have nothing to do with our personality, intelligence, or choices in life.

  • Recognize that while some things are in your control, other things aren’t. Let go of the things you can’t control – they aren’t worth occupying your mind over. Instead, focus on what is in your power.

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