This includes learning through play, games, household responsibilities, work experience, and social interaction.

Unschooling differs from traditional schooling because it asserts that standardized curriculum, uniform grading methods, and other forms of traditional schools are counterproductive toward maximizing a child’s education.

The philosophy behind unschooling includes several key ideas:

Children are natural learners.

Children are naturally curious and ready to learn. In many ways, schools may inhibit this curiosity by making children conform to a “one size fits all” method of teaching.

When students are forced to learn only one standardized curriculum, they have a lot less flexibility to pursue their individual interests. As a consequence, many students get bored easily in classroom environments. And even worse, they begin to develop aversive feelings toward education.

Unschooling believes that outside of the classroom learning – especially hands-on activities and community-based work – delivers a much more active, engaging, and valuable form of education.

People learn in different ways.

Unschooling also criticizes traditional teaching methods because different people learn in different ways. Because of this, schools often have a hard time adapting to different “learning styles” and maximizing time spent with students.

For example, some students may receive information better through videos, while others may prefer reading. A teacher with 20-25 kids is forced to either choose one or the other – or use both but spend less time with each one. In the end, students may be missing out on better ways of spending their time, especially compared to a more individual-based approach.

Learning how to learn is more important than any specific subject.

Unschooling doesn’t believe that there is an “essential body of knowledge” that needs to be taught in schools. For example, many people will say that subjects like math, science, and writing are of paramount importance in a child’s education.

However, proponents of unschooling assert that fostering the desire to learn is more important than any one subject. And once a child learns to love learning, they will be more motivated to expand their body of knowledge at their own free will.

Focus on social integration.

Traditional schooling is also criticized because many believe that it limits a child from living a rich social life. Many unschoolers find that age segregation, low children to adult ratios, a lack of contact with the community, and rigid school rules, ultimately contribute to an unhealthy social environment.

Instead, unschooling encourages social integration by allowing children to connect with a diverse range of different people in different age groups. Uschooling takes a “community-based” approach to learning, which involves children being active participators in their community throughout a range of different social contexts.

Unschoolers also believe that giving a child some freedom to choose who they associate with (or not associate with) is key toward cultivating a successful social life in the future.

The role of parents.

Parenting also plays an important role in unschooling. Unschoolers acknowledge that parents and adults often have more experience and knowledge than children. It is therefore expected that parents will “guide” the curriculum by introducing children to different subjects and activities.

Despite unschooling’s emphasis on individual interests and allowing children more choice over their curriculum, it is not a completely “hands off” approach to education.

Parents can and should play an active role in their child’s life, especially at a young age. As the child continues to grow, parents should strive to find a balance between guiding their child’s education, but also giving them more responsibility to independently pursue their own interests.

Viewing the world as an “open classroom.”

A big theme in unschooling is that the world is an “open classroom.” Children are taught to think of the life as one big learning experience, and parents help facilitate this process by providing their children with resources, advice, and ways to plan and implement goals.

The “open classroom” method allows children to develop their own natural curiosities toward life, even if these interests may differ greatly from one child to another.

Criticisms and practicalities of unschooling.

As good as unschooling may sound, it can sometimes be difficult to put into practice.

Many parents may find it too difficult or overwhelming to take so much responsibility over their child’s learning – especially since unschooling requires a very active and attentive role for parents. Other critics worry that many parents may not be able to provide a good enough education, or students won’t be able to effectively learn without a more controlled setting.

I wouldn’t recommend anyone to try unschooling without doing more research. I do think, however, that there are some valuable lessons here for any parent to learn. Even if you end up sending your kids to more traditional schooling, many of these things can be still be practiced during after school hours.

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On the other end of this research, there is also evidence that pretending to fake happiness can be unhealthy in some situations:

• According to a recent study in the Academy of Management Journal, it was discovered that bus drivers were more likely to experience negative emotions on days when they pretended to be in a good mood.
• Another analysis of over 3 decades of research found that faking positive feelings at work was associated with lower employee satisfaction and increased job burnout.
• A third study published in Anxiety, Stress, and Coping found that volunteers at a call center who were told to “hide negative emotions” had greater increases in blood pressure and heart rate than those told to show their true feelings.

As it turns out, the “emotional labor” it takes to pretend to be in a good mood can actually be very taxing on our physical and mental well-being.

There are a couple of lessons that both business and employees could learn from this research.

One lesson for businesses is to give employees an opportunity to express themselves genuinely and openly. Of course, this doesn’t mean you want customer service yelling at people, but maybe giving employees a way to express their frustrations among each other could provide a valuable emotional release, without necessarily disrupting the “consumer experience.”

There should also be a drive in businesses to try to make work environments as stress-free and enjoyable as possible. Often times the happier workers are, the better their work performance and productivity. Because of this, I believe it is only a matter of time until more businesses begin implementing these principles.

One lesson for employees is to not feel the need to plaster on a smile every time they walk into the office. It is okay to feel down from time to time, and we need not pretend that our jobs are perfect (they rarely are).

This also fits with a common theme of this blog which is that we must give ourselves permission to be negative every now and then.

Another lesson for employees is to raise their standards. If a job isn’t at all satisfying to you, consider searching for something else that makes you genuinely happier. We sometimes underestimate our value and skills in the marketplace. We become complacent to one job, and we stop searching for other opportunities. We begin to accept the idea that a job is supposed to be something we hate, so we settle for something less than what we might really be capable of. Jobs can be difficult and tiresome, but that doesn’t mean they have to be the plague of our existence.

(I understand there are some limitations to the above, maybe based on your prior work experience, intelligence, and other factors. I only recommend that you keep yourself open to alternatives. You may not have a whole lot of different jobs to choose from, but there is often more than just one path.)

On that note, I want to remind you one last time that it’s completely natural to not be 100% in love with your job. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that needs to be the case. Often times, by acknowledging life’s imperfections, we can handle them better than if we try to bury ourselves in delusions and false promises.

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I object to this perspective.

I think a healthy workplace depends on our ability to feel more in control. And while some jobs don’t permit us with a lot of freedoms, there are always a few key things we can do to make our work environment more bearable and less stressful.

So let’s get straight to some of the things you can do.

Ease tension with coworkers and bosses.

Relationships can make or break a work environment. When people don’t get along and don’t know how to communicate effectively, there is a lingering tension in the office that can ruin everyone’s day.

We dread walking into the office, not because we don’t like what we do, but because we have to deal with an assortment of jerk-offs, bullies, whiners, and other vampires who suck up any positive energy in the room. Every office has them.

So what can we do? First, you have to learn how to let a lot of this negative energy just roll off your shoulders. The more you respond to negative energy in a negative way, the more you are contributing to the problem. Trying to reframe some of the negative aspects of work in a humorous or joyful way is often very effective for breaking the cycle of negativity in your work environment.

When someone makes a sly remark to you, just nod your head and smile. When someone gives you an order in a condescending tone, just imagine that person with a baby face talking in a really high-pitched voice. When someone starts a heated argument with you, know how to defuse it as soon as possible (whether that means cracking a joke or politely walking out of the room).

No, you won’t get along with everyone, but there will always be some people who you hit it off with better than others. Build solid relationships with these people. Get to know them better. Have lunch with them. Share interesting stories. Vent about work to each other. Having a work buddy (or two, or three) can really help you get through those tough days.

Also, if you have a bad past with some coworkers, try to fix them. You can try to patch things up with them, apologize for your mistakes, and start again on the right foot. Or – if they are truly that unbearable – try to deal with them on strictly business terms and minimize any excess interaction.

If you can, consider avoiding some vampires entirely. Some people you just can’t get along with no matter how hard you try. It’s very likely your work environment has one or two of these people. Recognize those boundaries. Sure, it’s not the ideal situation to be in, but it’s better than feeding into a destructive relationship and making it grow worse. If avoiding these people means moving to another office or part of the company, consider bringing up your concerns to management.

Make your office come alive.

Despite spending most of our work hours cramped in our office, we often spend very little time keeping it fresh and stimulating. The truth is that our surroundings, even when not consciously noticed, can have a huge effect on our mood and well-being. For example, studies have shown that the presence of plants in the workplace help boost people’s moods and increase cognitive functioning.

Another study has shown that when workers have more control over the design of their workplace, this improves their happiness, productivity, and even health.

Often when working for large companies we can lose a sense of our personal identity. Your office is usually the one place you are allowed to express yourself. Create a work environment that works for you. Something that reflects some of your own values and interests. And something that motivates and inspires you.

If this means changing your office around every few months or so – do it. Keep things interesting. Make your work environment stimulating (but not too distracting).

Have healthy snacks around.

A lot of people get so focused on their work that they sometimes forget to eat. Or they have so much to get done, that they have to skip lunch to make sure they meet their deadline.

I’m a strong believer that we need to stay healthy and nourished if we want to be effective at our jobs. Ignoring our bodies, and focusing all our energy on our work, is going to drain you and hurt your work ethic.

No matter what kind of work you do, your body and brain need fuel to do it. This means drinking water and having healthy snacks between meals to keep your body replenished. The less you take care of your body, the more it’s going to affect your work.

A fatigued body and mind can’t possibly work to it’s fullest potential, so keep yourself hydrated and nourished as often as possible.

This rule is actually pretty simple and easy to follow. Re-stock your office with healthy snacks every Monday: grapes, nuts, water, cheese and crackers, tuna, eggs, etc. If you have the choice, I recommend storing this stuff in a personal office vs. the company kitchen. This just makes it easier to access food when you are in the middle of work (and it prevents other coworkers from taking your stuff).

Identify the purpose of what you do.

I don’t expect everyone to romanticize the importance of their job. It’s true that not everyone has a career that really resonates with them deep-down. I respect that. But I also think most jobs serve an important function in our society. And when you recognize that you are an important part of what keeps society going, you sometimes find a new sense of purpose and pride about the things you do.

Ever seen the documentary The Philosopher Kings? It’s an interesting portrayal of some custodial workers at major universities (Duke, Princeton, U.C. Berkely, etc.) who are really passionate about their job. Now normally a custodial worker may not be a very revered job, but these workers clearly had a fire in their souls for what they did. They cared about where they worked and how it looked, and they recognized the importance of their job.

We could all learn something from these custodians. No matter what type of work you do, it plays an important role in our society. Sometimes you just need to look at the “bigger picture” of your actions, and how it fits into the grand scheme of things.

Question:

In this article, I attempt to answer these important but often difficult questions. I then share 5 fundamentals on Regaining Consciousness, as laid out by psychology blogger Sam Spurlin. These fundamentals aim to cultivate a higher state of awareness toward key areas of our life, such as our values, health, work, thinking, and relationships.

Consciousness is the bedrock of your personal development.

Consciousness is more than just a passing thought, feeling, memory, or imagination, but the underlying awareness that permeates every experience you’ll ever have.

In order to define consciousness, it helps to first think of it as a spectrum of awareness.

On one end of the spectrum, there are lower levels of consciousness, including being distracted, lazy or bored. Usually in these states, we maintain some awareness of our environment, but not very much. We can probably get a lot of tedious chores done while being distracted or bored, but this isn’t the optimal state you want to be in when trying to achieve a big or meaningful goal.

The very lowest levels of consciousness are states like drug intoxication, sleep, or a coma, where we actually aren’t conscious at all – but unconscious. Most of the time we don’t get anything productive or creative done in these states (mostly because “you” aren’t actually around when you’re unconscious).

And on the opposite end of the spectrum, there are very high states of consciousness, like mindfulness and flow. These are states of mind where an individual is highly attentive and engaged with their environment, often interacting with it in very skillful and sophisticated ways (like a painter working on their masterpiece, a baseball player pitching a perfect game, or a life-long businessman pitching a big sale).

Unlike lower levels of consciousness, higher levels of consciousness are very optimal for goal-achieving and success in virtually any domain of life. This is because higher levels of consciousness always include supreme focus and discipline.

What I want you to understand is that, ultimately, the level of consciousness we cultivate throughout our day is the most fundamental components to our well-being and success. Personal development without conscious living is simply impossible – the more aware we are of ourselves and our environment, the more power and control we have to change it.

5 Steps Toward Regaining Consciousness

Sam Spurlin writes about Regaining Consciousness in his insightful e-book. The lessons covered are intuitive and thought-provoking, but also widely applicable to cultivating consciousness toward different (and often underestimated) areas in our life.

It reminds me of a more “contemporary” version of the popular Mindfulness in Plain English, because it’s primary focus is how to practice healthy consciousness throughout our daily activities (even with common things like eating and exercise) – not just during meditation.

Sam understands that cultivating consciousness is not just for Zen monks camping out in some cave, but something that can also be applied to the “American way” of living too. This means we can work on regaining consciousness even with a 9-5 job, bills to pay, and a family to take care of.

In the book there are 5 crucial steps laid out that anyone can follow to facilitate conscious living. I’m going to summarize each step here, but if you really want to read more about each one, I recommend you check out his book for yourself. I honestly couldn’t put it down when I first started it.

Find your values.

Going through life without a clear sense of our values and goals is a sure-fire way to not find happiness. Many people live their lives aimlessly and unconsciously (like a puppet on strings), without ever introspecting and asking themselves, “What do I really want in life? What direction do I want to go in?” To cultivate more consciousness toward our values in life, Sam suggests:

• Make a list of core values and narrow it down to your top 3-5. Imagine what your life would be like if you acted in accordance with these values.
• Don’t chase other people’s dreams – question the values you learn from authority figures, the media, TV, and pop culture.
• Listen to your heart and mind above all else. Do what you honestly think is right.
• Have priorities. Sure, you may value playing video games, but is it more important than taking care of your family or studying for school or doing something more creative like writing a song? It’s up to you.

Take control of your health.

Consciousness toward our health is absolutely crucial for physical and mental well-being. Everyday we make decisions that have to do with our bodies: what we choose to consume, and what kind of physical activities we choose to partake in. The more aware we are of what we eat and how much exercise we get, the better off our health will be. Sam suggests we:

• Make small and deliberate decisions to be healthier. Start by cutting down soda intake and replacing it with water. Or try just going for a short walk every morning. Start with little things and build from there.
• Be a conscious eater. When you eat, don’t distract yourself by reading the paper or surfing the internet. Instead, pay very close attention to how the food tastes and how your body is reacting to it.
• Tune into your body during physical exercise. For example, while running pay close attention to the mechanics of your legs/body, the motions of your breathing, and any other pain/aches/sensations in your body that you may be experiencing. Think of any physical activity as a way of meditating – and your body is the object of your meditation.
• Learn from the wisdom of your body. Our body is always sending us signals on it’s condition (like when you are hungry, when you need to use the restroom, when you tore a muscle, etc.) The more we are aware of these signals, the better we can respond to our body’s needs. You’d probably be surprised on just how much you can learn from your body if you listen to it.

Doing work that matters.

Next to our health, one of the biggest factors in achieving happiness is doing meaningful work with our lives. A dead-end job that doesn’t align with our values can feel like a curse. Instead of inspiring us and motivating us, it drains us of our energy and leaves us feeling empty inside. On the other hand, a meaningful job that actually matters to us is drastically more fulfilling. Here’s what Sam recommends we do:

• Re-evaluate your current job. What do you like about it (if anything)? What purpose do you fulfill? Does it align with your values?
• If you aren’t happy with your job, begin searching for alternative career paths that you find more fulfilling. In the book, Sam mentions how he used to be a teacher (and he liked his job), but becoming self-employed aligned with more of his values and interests, so he made the switch.
• Pay attention to activities that put you into a state of engagement and flow. Very often these passions of yours can point you in the right direction when choosing a job or career.
• A big goal in my personal life is to find work that I love but also serves an important function in improving society.

Master your mind with conscious thinking.

A big part of Regaining Consciousness is taking more control over our education, thoughts, beliefs, and perspective. Throughout the guide, Sam asks us to challenge our old assumptions and beliefs, accept our ignorance about certain topics, and willingly seek to improve our knowledge and attitude about the world. He recommends you:

• Acknowledge that you have a limited perspective. You don’t know everything, so don’t be stubborn and act like you do.
• Try to look beyond any biases or prejudices you may have by looking at new information as neutrally as possible.
• Become an active learner. Choose a topic that has always fascinated you, go to the library, and then take out a few books on it. Read up on it and share what you learned with others.
• Go “Wikipedia surfing.” Go to an article, read through, it and click on any links that interest you. Keep continuing the process until you feel you have learned something new and interesting that you didn’t know before.
• Always maintain a healthy curiosity and willingness to learn. We don’t stop being students after we graduate high school or college.
• Listen to everyone’s views. Respect that other people may have different experiences, knowledge, and beliefs than you do. Ignore the trap of having to label everything “right” or “wrong.”

Nurturing conscious relationships.

One of the most important steps toward conscious living is becoming more aware of the relationships that make up our world. For some of us, we may cling onto toxic relationships that end up hurting both ourselves and the other person. For others, we may have trouble cultivating meaningful relationships. In both cases, cultivating higher consciousness is crucial. Some of Sam’s suggestions include:

• Recognize the “vampires” in your life. These are people who are always being negative and sucking the energy out of you. They are the buzz-kill to every party and the rain to every parade. Stay far away from them. They are miserable – and they expect you to be miserable too.
• Associate with “vampire slayers.” Vampire slayers are people who crush negativity in their lives. Instead of draining you of energy, they empower and motivate you. They encourage you to pursue your values and goals, and they are always around to lend a helping hand when you need it.
• The essential rule of cultivating conscious relationships is to invest positive energy into the relationships that are valuable to us, and let the one’s that aren’t valuable fizzle out. Although it may be painful to get rid of old friends, it is sometimes the necessary thing to do.

Free Preview of “Regaining Consciousness.”

If you visit the Regaining Consciousness page you can check out the first 15+ pages absolutely free.

Usually they go around in a circle, so you can basically sit there for an indefinite amount of time – not really having a care in the world. The whole experience can be really relaxing, and even a bit trance-inducing.

A good lazy river will also have some scenery (nature stuff – trees, flowers, waterfalls, maybe some animals) which can add a whole other layer of serenity.

I actually haven’t been in a lazy river in years. I know there is one at the Splish Splash in Riverhead, New York, but that’s at least a couple hours away and I haven’t made the trek yet (to be completely honest – I haven’t even been to the beach yet this summer, and that’s only 20 minutes away – yeah I’m bad).

But either way, I actually think the idea of a “lazy river” is a good analogy for relaxation. That’s because, when you’re in the lazy river, there is a healthy sense of non-striving:

• You’re not trying to get anywhere.
• You’re not trying to accomplish anything.
• You’re not trying to control anything.

You’re just letting yourself flow wherever the water goes.

No fight. No resistance.

I think there is something incredibly useful in being able to tap into that energy every now and then.

To just relax – and not always feel like we need to go somewhere.

That’s not to say we should never try to have goals, or go anywhere important, or try to fight resistance. But I believe being able to turn off that drive every now and then is very healthy.

It allows us to take a step back, recharge our batteries, and maybe even re-examine what’s really important in our lives.

Question.

• What is your “lazy river?” What activities do you do when you just want to sit back and relax? Meditate? Watch the weather? Listen to music?

Share your answers and thoughts in the comment section!