Who hasn’t at one point in their life held a grudge against another? Sometimes we can hold these grudges for long periods of time and even years leading up until our death. Of course we may believe we are only acting out of principle, but we are in actuality hurting ourselves. It may seem like we are coming from a place of dignity and power, but we are only wasting our energy on things that cannot be changed.
By not forgiving others we are simultaneously denying ourselves forgiveness for our own mistakes. This hypocrisy can eat away at our spirit, cripple our ability to do good, and leave us feeling down and empty. Therefore it is important to address these feelings and find reconciliation.
So someone has hurt you. You cannot find the heart to forgive them. The very thought of what they did to you makes you sick to your stomach and you blame them for all the pain and suffering you have experienced because of them. In the moment, these feelings are rational and commonplace. It is something all humans inevitably go through. But – this too shall pass.
Forgiveness is a skill. And like any other skill it takes concentration and practice to develop. People have the capacity to do some really wretched and thoughtless acts onto other human beings. But once this is all said and done it doesn’t mean we have to stop living our lives to the fullest. Forgiveness is the key to moving on and letting go.
You too may recall past acts that have hurt yourself or others. The best thing about these acts is they are no longer here. But then why do you still suffer from their consequences?
It is because you are still carrying all the heavy weight that these experiences first bestowed upon you. What use do these attachments serve but to drain your energy? Imagine if you had the courage to forgive the person who had done this to you. You would become as light as a feather in the summer breeze.
You are still here alive and breathing. Time has already healed your wounds. Your negative thoughts are your ego telling you that you must seek revenge or justice, but you can already find content in what already is. You can even feel gratitude towards those who have hurt you. Your memory of their ignorance and ill will can become a well of knowledge for you to draw upon. You are better and more conscious because of this experience. Congratulations.
But – as valuable as it may be – it is not enough to simply learn from this experience. You must also love the person in spite of what they have done. They may have caused you pain but that is a reflection of their own suffering. Don’t pity them, but pray for their salvation. Send them your good intentions and wish for them to find true happiness.
If it is possible then contact the person and make it clear that you forgive them and that you wish them all the happiness in the world. You will immediately feel lighter and more free because of this. If you don’t have any means of communicating with the person, then meditate or pray on your good intentions. They will manifest themselves through your thoughts and actions by making you more kind and forgiving of others in the future.
As long as you are alive you are bound to run into other experiences where others might disappoint and hurt you. Use these opportunities to practice forgiveness. Through your example, you will teach others how to do the same and make the world a better place. To me, that is a much more useful and productive way to invest your energy.
Let the ocean take and transmutate,
This cold and fated anchor.
Give away the stone,
Let the waters kiss and transmutate,
These leaden grudges into gold.”
- “The Grudge” by the alternative rock band Tool
Thanks so much for your wise words. Not forgiving another is like taking poison with the intention to cause them pain. You only hurt yourself more.
I wonder why other people in other part of this globe STILL suffer!
I had a friend from childhood and we got into it over a business deal once (we were in business together). It went the way of the business dissolving and a serious grudge, to where we did not speak. We were the best of friends before that too. One day I realized it was completely ridiculous to hold that no matter what happened… life is waaay too short. Subsequently we are back to being best friends again (but no more businesses together!). It feels good to forgive others, but mostly yourself. Thanks for this post, it's an important one!
This is such an important issue. I've seen how holding a grudge can be destructive. My mom never forgave my dad for some money he lost by being too trusting of the wrong person. It made her bitter and made him downtrodden. It was a good lesson to learn and I've always tried to be forgiving but it's not always easy. I like that this article points out it is a skill you can learn. So many people give up and say, "well, that's just the way I am" and never learn to become more forgiving.
Forgiveness of other is difficult. But I find forgiving myself even harder, especially when you caused someone you care about suffering. There are always thoughts of "what if I did this or hadn't done that". I guess the answer is to treat yourself as kindly as you treat others.
Agreed. I think it is important to remember that everyone makes mistakes and none of us are perfect. Just have to take those experiences and try to learn from them, right?
All of this is all well and good, but it depends on how pissed off people are in their lives. But I get the overall message. Just saying, sometimes it is hard to forgive. It's easier to stay pissed off. I know some people who seem to enjoy being grumpy and holding grudges. It may sound sort of weird but it's true. I think everything is situational. I think we tend to react and handle certain situations based on where we are in that moment — perhaps we had a bad day that leads to us holding that grudge or blowing up. Maybe we're feeling particularly forgiving and so we do so too easily, too quickly. I think the older we get, the more we're able to take a step back from the situation and gain perspective, and thus the more maturely we're able to handle a situation.
Hank Jones
Director Remodeling
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These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness and even vengeance — but if you don't practice forgiveness, you may be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy.
I think we tend to react and handle certain situations based on where we are in that moment perhaps we had a bad day that leads to us holding that grudge or blowing up.
It's always good to forgive people who have hurt us. I know that it would take time to forgive but we should not keep our grudges forever. All of us commit mistakes so we should all forgive. I was inspired by your post. Thanks!
It's better to give than to forget. If you hated much on the person surely it's difficult for you to forgive. Apparently it's nice to have experienced having no trouble in life. You have a lighter feeling when forgiveness must be achieved in your life. This might be a difficult to handle. Thanks!
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Aah, to forgive and be forgiven. Truly something that makes you feel you can fly…..like literally lifting a boulder off your shoulders. Forgiving is more often times very difficult to do. But if you do, you will be rewarded with emotional upliftment.
I was inspired by your post. It's really important to learn how to forgive. That way, people who that we have hurt will also learn to forgive us.
What a breath of fresh air your post was! People (including myself) hold grudges for much too long. It feels so great to just learn to forgive and let it go.
This exactly what even many leaders like Mahatma Gandhi also practiced. It is difficult to live in this world with grudges for long. There is no point burning your bridges. Forgive others and move on is the best strategy.
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Forgive him so you can move on with your life. So you can accept what happen and let God guide you! When you hate someone or your are mad at someone. NO matter how long or how far they are. they will always have a piece of you no matter what. Forgiveness is Freedom!