This is a guest post by Debbie Hampton of The Best Brain Possible. If you too would be interested in writing a guest post for The Emotion Machine please check out this page.
We all want just a little bit of peace every now and then in this increasingly chaotic world, right? Is that too much to ask? Most of us make little, unconscious deals with ourselves like “I’ll be happy when…..” Fill in the rest. Think about it. What are the deals you make with yourself?
I used to be a pro at this. Happiness and peace were always right around the corner. I could almost taste them. Right after I found the right man. Right after I started a lucrative career. Right after my ex husband and I got along. Right after my skin cleared up and my hair had just the right amount of curl with no frizz.
Well, I have not found the right man. I have not even started the lucrative career. My ex and I still do not get along. My skin is not any where near blemish free, and my hair is frizzier than ever. Yet, I have found happiness and peace. I have learned that these things are totally in my mind and can be cultivated in even the most painful circumstances.
In her book The Wisdom of No Escape and the Path of Loving Kindness, Pema Chodron writes:
“There’s a common misunderstanding among all the human beings who have ever been born on the earth that the best way to live is to try to avoid pain and just try to get comfortable. You can see this even in insects and animals and birds. All of us are the same.
A much more interesting, kind, adventurous, and joyful approach to life is to begin to develop our curiosity, not caring whether the object of our inquisitiveness is bitter or sweet. To lead a life that goes beyond pettiness and prejudice and always wanting to make sure that everything turns out on our own terms, to lead a more passionate, full, and delightful life than that, we must realize that we can endure a lot of pain and pleasure for the sake of finding out who we are and what this world is, how we tick and how our world ticks, how the whole thing just is.”
Pain, discomfort, and uncertainty are all a constant part of life. She encourages us to actually “lean into” these and explore what they have to teach us. In her books, When Things Fall Apart and Comfortable with Uncertainty, she outlines three methods for working with chaos and burden in life.
She calls the first one “no more struggle.” This is a regular, meditation practice in which she advises that we learn to stop fighting with ourselves, stop struggling with circumstances, emotions or moods and look at what is and what arises with compassion and a nonjudgmental attitude. She says “….drop the story line, slow down enough to just be present, let go of the multitude of judgments and schemes and stop struggling.”
If you already meditate, great! If you don’t, start ! Even if you can only do it five minutes a day, it will change your life. It has mine. There is much scientific evidence lately as to the many benefits of meditation including reduced stress and anxiety, increased relaxation, improved sleep, lower blood pressure, strengthened immune system, reduction of PMS symptoms, increased focus and attention, improved relationships and more. A regular practice actually, physically changes your brain in as little as 8 weeks recent studies show.
Second, she advises us to use the poison as medicine and as a fuel for waking up. “When anything arises – any kind of conflict, any notion of unworthiness, anything that feels distasteful, embarrassing, or painful – instead of trying to get rid of it, we breathe it in.” She teaches a practice here called tonglen which is basically recognizing with compassion and openness the identical condition of others who, in the very same moment, are feeling similar pain. Instead of pushing difficult situations away, tonglen teaches you to use them to connect with others who, just like you, find themselves in pain. It is the human condition. It is our kinship with all living things.
You do not have to be this formal or this Buddhist here. I am not. I just imagine and empathize with others in the same situation or facing the same conditions. It put things into perspective. Instead of emphasizing and enlarging the issues as worry would do, it makes me feel not so alone in my fears and challenges and shrinks them. If someone else can do it, I can too.
The third method for working with chaos “is to regard whatever arises as the manifestation of awakened energy. We can regard ourselves as already awake; we can regard the world as already sacred.” She goes on to explain that “regarding what arises as awakened energy reverses our fundamental habitual pattern of trying to avoid conflict, trying to make ourselves better than we are, trying to smooth things out and pretty them up, trying to prove that pain is a mistake and would not exist in our lives if only we did all the right things.” This attitude invites us to use everything in our lives – the good, the bad, and the ugly – as a basis for growing and learning or for attaining enlightenment in Buddhism.
Instead of asking “Why me?” and focusing on how unfair it all is, this allows me to have faith that whatever “it” is is for my highest good and that there will be some learning and growth in it. It does not guarantee me that I will enjoy every minute of it, but that the value of the experience will become evident as the events unfold. It allows me to trust that things may make absolutely no sense now, but in retrospect, it all will.
Pain is a part of life. Everyone’s life. It is never going away – for too long anyway. I have found that by changing my perception through practices such as this allows me to find peace amidst the pain.
—
Debbie Hampton
A little bit about me….
In June of 2007, I had a global, acquired brain injury (ABI) resulting from a suicide attempt technically termed encepalopathy. I was seriously mentally impaired. Through such practices as neurofeedback, Brain State Technologies’ brain optimization, hyperbaric oxygen therapy, acupuncture, voice therapy, music therapy, cranial sacral massage, hypercapnia, visualization, meditation, cross lateral movement, bikram yoga, daily cardiovascular exercise, cognitive behavioral therapy and more, I have made a remarkable recovery and continue to improve.
Our brains are neuroplastic, and we can shape them and change them by the things we do repeatedly in our lives. We have much more power to recover from a brain injury, improve our brain’s functioning, and to create our own reality with our brain than we ever thought possible. Here I will tell you how I did so and encourage you to do the same.
My blog: The Best Brain Possible
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Chronic depression can be a vicious cycle. It can feel like there is no way of breaking it, because everywhere we are, and in everything we do, it lurks within the shadows of our existence. It is almost as if we are carrying all this emotional baggage with us wherever we go, all of the time.
But depression is a reaction to a particular event or narrative we play out in our life.
Like all events, depression can only be experienced moment-by-moment. It is always moving, it is always changing, and we experience different ups and downs, but we conceptualize it as one big glob of gloom.
But this train of moments is not without a conductor. It is not like a rainy cloud, which we have no control over, following us wherever we go. Instead, we play an active role in the process, and there are effective ways to limit our suffering and move past strong negative states.
Gratitude towards suffering
Why be grateful for suffering? It sounds a bit counter-intuitive – but perhaps that is part of why you have not been able to let go of these feelings for the past few weeks, months, or years. You have not yet fully accepted them, and you have not opened your eyes to the wisdom your mind and body are trying to reveal.
There is something to be grateful for in regards to all emotions, not just positive ones. If none of us ever experienced suffering or depression or loneliness from time-to-time, we would never know when we are moving in the wrong direction, and we would never adapt properly to changing circumstances. Negative emotions are a signal worth paying attention to.
What disturbs can motivate us towards growth
When I was depressed several years ago my life turned completely grey. I can swear that when I look back at those times there was no color in my world at all. There was no brightness or zest for life, just dullness and apathy. It was my first year in college. I had no friends around. And being the incredibly introverted person that I was, it was difficult to make contact with anyone. I became a recluse, and I didn’t like it.
Being roommate-less and alone, I only left the vacancy of my dorm for two reasons: classes and food.
At least during those times when I left my dorm I was around people. But the most discomforting moments were the times laying in my bed, unable to sleep, and thinking how much longer this could last before I would have to end my life. When the thought first entered my mind I was shocked. I never considered myself someone who could end their own existence. “Do I even have the guts to do it?” I would ask myself.
It is within these deep states of contemplation where a catalyst for change can often emerge. I knew I had only a few choices: run away forever, die, or mend things back up and strive for the excellence in life I had always dreamed of.
How to see depression
In a recent post, I described negative states as valuable signs telling us what areas of our life we need to pay greater attention to.
At least, that is how my depression worked for me. My depression felt everlasting – I felt powerless – but when I dived into those feelings, thoughts, and memories, and I explored them with full intent, I noticed that my mind was trying to tell me something. It was telling me, “something has to change, this current path is unsustainable and you need to find what dissatisfies you so that you can overcome it.”
Depression became the cocoon to my butterfly.
Thus I began to search for clues; I turned my depression into a journey. I first began reading the works of NLP co-founder Richard Bandler, and his predecessor, the American psychiatrist and hypnotherapist Milton H. Erickson. These two had a refreshing perspective on mind. They saw it as an entity that is designed to work for you, not against you.
They saw all emotions, thoughts, feelings, beliefs as tools. They could be learned, developed, and understood like anything else. They weren’t there to contribute to your demise – they were there to benefit you – they were solution-generating.
These incredible thinkers also had a way of reframing problems into solutions: Depression wasn’t just a result of a poor or pathetic life, it was the first step towards happiness. This way of seeing mental illness short-circuited my brain, and blew my mind wide open.
Mental health is the development of skills
We perceive time as always moving forward, and this is what we call life. Consequently, things are always changing – we study those things and call it knowledge, or science. As sentient beings, we have the capacity to learn about these things, to retain them in our memory, and apply them to our life to improve conditions.
We are the only beings we know of that can adapt to change in such complex ways. We have thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, perspectives, values, and convictions. These are all tools. We can consciously use them in the same way a carpenter uses a hammer and drill to help make a building.
Like other tools, they are human inventions and imperfect – but they can get us to newer places when we use them in the right context. This can be hard work. Maintaining mental health is not an easy or passive process anymore than building a muscle at the gym is an easy or passive process. Whether you are reading affirmations or taking 1mg of Clonazepam every day, there are no magic potions.
Pathologically, many illnesses originate due to a variety of different biological, psychological, and social factors. While we can’t change our genes, we can change how they are expressed by changing our habits, our environment, our culture, and our relationships. Our destiny is not set in stone, we usually have enough flexibility to make things work.
Non-duality
I want to now touch on a more philosophical concept. Please take a minute or two to reflect on the Yin-Yang:
It is an amazing illustration on the play of opposites in our daily life. The dynamics and evolution of our being.
Note that even on the side of dark there is a bit of light, and on the side of light there is a bit of dark. I think this very strongly alludes to the concept of nonduality that is so prevalent in eastern philosophy. The concept is meant to illustrate that while two things may seem distinct and separate, they are actually intimately connected.
Instead of thinking of depression as a separate entity to happiness, we should see them as part of a single continuum (again, this is actually one of the key concepts I go over in my short ebook).
You can apply this concept to an array of ideas in regards to mental health and well-being:
- Depression is the first step towards happiness.
- Ignorance is the first step towards knowledge.
- Confusion is the first step towards understanding.
- Anxiety is the first step towards confidence.
- Hate is the first step towards love.
- Darkness is the first step towards light.
If you are interested in knowing more about the philosophy of non-duality I recommend this article by Bhikkhu Bodhi from Access To Insight.
Everlasting change is not only our friend but our nature.
The ideas in this post aren’t anything terribly new, but they are always revelatory when they are first discovered by an individual mind. In truth, this way of framing happiness has been echoed throughout the ages, and it is still being reiterated today in various forms (Buddhist psychotherapy, NLP, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, etc.) It is also one of the most prevalent themes in this blog, and I will continue to write about it because I feel this is knowledge worth knowing.
Writing is a way of organizing our thoughts and making better sense of our world. I would even consider it a form of contemplative meditation. When writing, we connect different concepts together in our heads, mull over different ideas, and often aim at trying to paint a picture or tell some kind of story, narrative, or theme.
- Jeremy Taylor
Whenever we write we are embracing these ideas, allowing them to be expressed, and letting their energy flow through us onto the paper.
Throughout this creative process we too are changing. We are not only becoming more aware of our inner world of meaning, but at the same time we are given a medium to release these built up thoughts, ideas, stresses and desires. We are practicing a form of alchemy – by channeling our energies from something psychological to something material and tangible.
It’s a healing process
Like all forms of art therapy, writing can be healing; that is why I encourage everyone to pursue some kind of creative endeavor. It allows us to step back and put the world into perspective. It also gives us a sense of power and purpose, so we don’t feel completely swallowed up by our daily anxieties, stresses, and fears.
When we create we have something to be proud of, something to show for our efforts, and something that is distinctly unique and ours. This builds up our self-worth and inspires us to be more productive. Pursing any art has shown to do some incredible things for mental health, and it plays a big role in what Positive Psychologist Martin Seligman calls The Meaningful Life, which he considers a central component to happiness.
Carl Jung saw the manifestations of our dreams as ways in which our psyche maintains homeostasis and balance. I believe art and writing can have the same effect. This one video supports this point by showing how art therapy can be used effectively in treating those with schizophrenia.
Do a little everyday
Whether your thing is writing, painting, dancing, or playing guitar, try to do a little bit of it everyday. Think of it as your daily meditation or prayer. It is your way of provoking reality and creating a world of meaning and purpose.
Many people find it therapeutic to keep a journal or diary. Personally, I have been maintaining this blog since June of last year and I already feel ten times better mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I like to write music too, but writing is something that resonates with me at a level I can manage the best. It clears up my thoughts in ways that I find hard accomplishing with other arts. But, everyone may be a little different.
Writing is easy to become engaged in
For many, pursuing an art or writing is a lot more fun and exciting than meditation. While meditation is about stillness and silence, art gives us a way to find tranquility through active expression. When you finish a piece of writing or art there is a wave of relaxation and comfort, not to mention a distinct sense of pride and accomplishment.
So for those who find it difficult to spend time on the cushion, why not turn to writing and art as a secondary form of meditation? It could even still be considered a spiritual practice. After all, who says we need religion and false dogmas? Maybe the true evolution of man is when we recognize that we can harness the same creative power of nature that we so often attribute to God. In a sense, our capacity for creativity and innovation may even make us out to be our own gods and goddesses. In this recognition, we are aware of our own divinity.
When we find something we love doing, it becomes much easier to be engaged in. And engagement is an important aspect to any meditative or spiritual practice.
A stronger sense of self
When we walk away from a piece of writing we have a stronger sense of ourselves. We are a part of the transformation and by the end of the process we have been re-born into something new.
And – isn’t this often the crux of any meditation practice? To increase self-awareness and to watch ourselves grow and change with time? Shouldn’t we all practice this to some degree, even if it is only to facilitate our own personal development and well-being? Just a few minutes a day of reflection and writing can aid one’s life in so many different ways.
The mental state of writing
When we are physically in the state of writing it is just like a state of deep contemplation. We become absorbed in the process of our ideas, thoughts, feelings and emotions. We then attempt to integrate them all in a way that reveals a clear message.
When I am in a state of writing that cannot be disturbed it is like I am in a trance. All my focus is concentrated on the task at hand and on accomplishing what it is I am setting out to do. All of my being is dedicated into channeling my energy outwards into my creation.