If you ask me, it takes a lot more work to stay the same than it does to change.
Think back ten or twenty years from now, you were probably a different person then. Your body was different, your thoughts were different, and your actions were different. Did you consciously make that change? Maybe for some things, but overall you probably weren’t even aware of how much you were changing. Only in retrospect do we fully realize how different we’ve become.
People don’t usually need to read about “personal development” to make a change in their life. It just happens – like a cicada leaving its shell or a butterfly leaving its cocoon. We all go through our own process of metamorphosis. Change is the natural state of affairs and the only thing that is truly certain. As Heraclitus once said, “You could not step twice into the same river; for other waters are ever flowing on to you.” (Tweet this quote). This quote perfectly illustrates our world as in a constant state of flux.
The fact that everything is always changing is actually somewhat of a double-edged sword. On one hand, when we feel depressed or angry or frustrated, we know it’s not going to last. On the other hand, when we feel happy or blissful or secure, we also know that it too is not going to last.
It is just like the story of King Solomon’s ring, a ring which has the “magical” ability to make a sad person happy or a happy person sad. What is so special about the ring? Nothing, except that it has the words “This too shall pass” engraved in it. Why would these words make a sad person happy or a happy person sad? Because it tells us that nothing is permanent.
Humans, as intelligent as we think we are, believe that we can resist this change or even transcend it. We like to think of ourselves as everlasting, and we often find ourselves reinforcing this belief whenever we say things like “This is just who I am” or “This is how I have always been.”
Of course, any amount of inquiry into these statements tells us that they just aren’t so. How can you possible compare you, as a fetus still in the womb, to you, now with a family and a 40-hour-a-week job? They aren’t the same you!
A world of constant change doesn’t need to cause chaos or displeasure in one’s life. It is only when we cling to a particular mental state or belief (or even a physical possession) that we fight tooth-and-nail not to lose it. But by letting go of our need to cling, we can embrace change and maximize our personal evolution.
Here are a few suggestions:
- Stop thinking of yourself as a fixed entity.
- Accept that you are a different person today than you once were.
- Accept that you will be a different person in the future than you are today.
With these ideas in mind you no longer have to fight change, and it begins to come more effortlessly. Sure, you will still have values, beliefs, intentions and goals, but they too will always be changing – and that is okay!
We exhaust so much effort in trying to maintain our identity or ego without understanding that its nature is to change, grow, and expand. The tighter we hold on to our identity, the more we restrict it from reaching its potential.
Exercise: Watch The Weather Change
Take 20-30 minutes out of your day, go outside, and watch how the weather changes. Notice clouds passing by, changes in sunlight, an oncoming storm, the sky changing color, stars shifting, or whatever happens to be changing in that particular moment. Make a mental note of all the things you witness.
The point of this exercise is to be more mindful of just how dynamic our world really is (and in return how dynamic we really are). Even something as simple as the weather (which we commonly think of as in the “background” of our world) is in a constant state of flux. At the very least, this is a great metaphor for the unconscious changes that take place in our own personal development. At best, it is a real-life example of just how dynamic the cosmic order is.
For a bigger effect, do this during sunrise or sunset.
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Deepak Chopradelivers an excellent lecture, elegantly touching on topics like theoretical physics, neuroscience, and Buddhist meditation. He goes on to explain how these have all contributed to a new science of consciousness.
Chopra spends the second half answering questions on diverse issues like love, healthcare, dreaming, the joys of music, business philosophy, and his experience with LSD, plus more. The whole video is a little over an hour, but it is chockful of good information and definitely worth checking out. To see Chopra so lucidly integrate such a vast scope of knowledge is truly an incredible experience.
Fellow atheists Richard Dawkins, a British evolutionary biologist, and Daniel Dennet, an American philosopher of science, discuss the meaning of life and death. It is nice to see these materialists have a heart-to-heart and not forget the importance of meaning in our understanding of the world.
Summary from Fora.tv:
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“Scott Eberle and Stan Grof discuss Eberle’s The Final Crossing and Grof’s The Ultimate Journey.
Scott Eberle talks about The Final Crossing. The personal account in this story recalls “the final crossing” of Steven Foster, one of the pioneers of modern-day wilderness rites of passage, from the perspective of the hospice physician who helped ferry him across. Interspersed with Steven and Scott’s story is a historical view of how the rites of passage movement and the hospice movement have converged.
Stan Grof talks about The Ultimate Journey. Grof, author of When the Impossible Happens, offers perspectives on how individuals can enrich and transform the experience of dying in our culture. Grof discusses his own patients’ experiences of death and rebirth in psychedelic therapy, investigates cross-cultural beliefs, paranormal and near-death research, and argues that death is not necessarily the end of consciousness.”
No one is perfect. We could all do some good by doing a little more of this and a little less of that. That is why personal development is a never-ending process.
If you want to change a behavior you could always go see a Cognitive-Behavioral Therapist. But that can be an expensive option, and most people don’t have severe behavior disorders like what you may find in some cases of post-traumatic stress disorder, builimia nervosa, OCD, clinical depression, autism, and schizophrenia (those who would most warrant a visit to a professional therapist).
But just because we don’t have a mental illness doesn’t mean we shouldn’t intend on improving our habits. And why not become a better person everyday?
This is why I constantly recommend people learn the art of mindfulness; just a couple weeks ago I wrote an article that discusses how to apply mindfulness of both body and mind during everyday chores like showering, cleaning, and eating/cooking. Once you develop the fundamentals to mindfulness you can apply your practice to almost anything.
Over time it is not uncommon to notice that when you apply mindfulness to an activity you are also changing the way you react and interact with it – psychologists could call this a certain kind of observer effect (although this isn’t how the term is commonly used).
Usually when we raise awareness on an issue (whether it is a personal or even political one) we become more motivated to correct it.
In the same way we can correct bad habits by becoming more aware of them, especially as they happen. In many ways this is the cornerstone and purpose of Right Mindfulness, as the Buddha lays out in his Noble Eightfold Path.
Start by choosing a bad habit of yours. Some of the most common habits people wish to correct are:
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1. Cigarette smoking
2. Unhealthy eating
3. Alcohol and drugs
4. Short temper
5. Wasteful spending
6. Cheating
7. Nail biting
8. Talking on phone while driving
9. Procrastination (actively choosing to put off work in order to do something else)
10. Sleeping late
Try to recognize the desire to do these bad habits when it arises.
At first, you will probably miss it – so just be mindful of your mental and physical state while you are actually performing the bad habit.
What type of satisfaction do you get? Is it long lasting or short lasting? Do you feel good after you have completed the act? Or is there a component of guilt or shame to it?
These types of observations will better prepare you to be mindful of the whole process of your actions. Once you spot the initial arising of desire, then you are put in a position to make a change.
For an example: let’s pretend you like to enjoy a cigarette after you eat a meal. You are already going to have a good clue as to when the desire to smoke a cigarette will arise. But after you finish your meal don’t go right towards a cigarette. Just sit there and watch how your body and mind react to the situation. Is it really that urgent to have a cigarette, or can it wait?
You may continue sitting and find that you actually don’t want a cigarette. Your awareness of your situation may have already somewhat dissipated that “autopilot-like reflex” to smoke after every meal. Of course it will take much practice before you actually instill this behavior into your psyche.
It is more likely that your desire to smoke will eventually arise, especially if it is a bad habit you have had for years. But instead of reacting to it as if it were an impulse – just sit there and watch desire.
Watch how your body and mind try to convince you that you need a cigarette.
The longer you can suspend the action – and sustain your attention on desire itself – the more you will come to know about how you are motivated to do certain behaviors. This can become very useful knowledge when you want to quit bad habits and even pick up good ones.
What does desire feel like? Does it slowly intensify overtime until you feel like you can’t bare it any longer? Or does the feeling pulsate? Perhaps one moment you really want a cigarette, but as you wait longer the feeling seems to dissipate and you can go on without one.
Keep watching.
Does the desire then re-arise even stronger? Or does it begin to mellow out?
While you watch this feeling of desire remain mindful of the thoughts in your head as well. Are they trying to persuade you that this is a stupid idea, or that you should just smoke anyway? Ask yourself, “Do I really want to change this behavior? Do I have enough good reasons to quit? Do I have the strength of will to do it?” Don’t let your ego bend your will. Keep the mind sharp. Ask the right questions, and try your best to suspend action and sustain attention towards this process of desire.
If you know in your heart that you need to change this detrimental habit then put the energy into being mindful of desire as often as you can.
Only by being mindful of your body and mind can you truly know yourself and what motivates your actions. Know the types of situations that trigger the bad habit. And know desire – its impermanence – and the tricks it tries in order to feed the ego.
My best advice is to watch desire whenever you can. Dissect it like a scientist. Break it up into parts. Watch how it changes. Watch how it affects both the body and mind. And most importantly, watch how it comes and goes. Whether you decide to continue doing the bad habit or not – desire almost certainly never lasts forever. Be especially mindful of that.
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