It’s a significant milestone to me, but more importantly it’s provided me with a lot of experience about what it means to build a following.

David Sloan Wilson, an evolutionary biologist from Binghamton University, did a couple interesting experiments with sitters and rovers. In one study, he put metal traps in a pond of pumpkinseed sunfish. The rovers, being more active, were the first to check out the traps. Consequently, they were also the first ones to be caught. The sitters, because they were more likely to sit on the sidelines, were impossible to capture using these traps.

However, in another experiment, Wilson transported all the fish to a new environment. He found that the rovers were most likely to begin investigating their new surroundings and finding food. Due to this, the rovers began eating five days before the sitters started. In this example, it was the rovers who were most likely to survive.

In some cases, the sitters’ passiveness directly led to their survival (especially when their passiveness helped to avoid a dangerous situation). But during other times this passiveness actually hurt their ability to adapt to new surroundings when necessary.

“Just Do It” vs. “Look Before You Leap.”

In a lot of personal development literature we hear the mantra, “Just do it!” Take the common example of diving into a cold pool. Often, when we try to go step-by-step, the coldness becomes that much more unbearable. This can actually inhibit us from adapting to the temperature fast enough to act and fully immerse ourselves into the water. Sometimes it’s easier to just “jump in” and get it over with. This is when the common attitude of a rover becomes most beneficial.

A less popular phrase in personal development is “Look before you leap.” This strategy is different than “Just do it.” It means we take a step back and evaluate our situation more carefully before diving in. Take for example addictive behaviors like gambling or sex. If we always act impulsively (automatically, without thinking) then we tend to engage in these risky behaviors without inhibition. Then we are more likely to end up with an empty bank account or an STD.

Thinking and doing need to be balanced.

Sometimes “thinking” gets a bad rep. We hear of people planning and contemplating ideas all day, but never doing anything productive about them. Maybe we want to approach a girl at a bar, thinking of all the things we want to say, but then we over-analyze the situation and cripple ourselves from ever approaching. In these kinds of cases, too much thinking can turn out to be a bad thing. For some people it is very easy to get “stuck in their heads” and never step into their bodies.

On the other end of the spectrum, too little thinking can often cause us to be foolish or reckless. If we never think about the consequences of our actions, then we may neglect something important and pay the costs later. People who live impulsively (with no projection of the future) tend to not have very positive futures, because they fall into mistakes that they could’ve avoided by being a little more thoughtful and cautious.

Smart and healthy risk-taking.

The balance between thinking and doing is going to largely depend on what you are trying to achieve.

As I mentioned earlier, approaching a girl at a bar may be something that is easier to “just do.” What is the worst that can happen? You’ll say something stupid and embarrass yourself? You’ll get rejected? Maybe worst-case-scenario you get slapped?

The risks and costs are relatively minimal, so there is little sense in worrying about it. Yet, some people never face this anxiety because they convince themselves that this minor embarrassment is the worst thing in the world. That’s not smart risk-taking – that’s dumb risk-avoidance. You’ll probably never see the girl again and she’ll forget about the experience by the end of the week. Don’t make a big deal out of nothing.

The same goes for jumping into cold pools.

Of course, there are other situations we may find ourselves in where the potential risks and costs are much greater. Like investing your retirement funds. That is something that is worth deliberately thinking about and making sure you go over every detail before making your decision. Making a mistake here could cost you all the money you’ve saved over the years – that’s a biggie. That’s when you need to act smarter, minimize the loss of risk, and try to play it more safe. Acting impulsively with your savings is a disaster waiting to happen.

Anxiety and uncertainty.

All risk is a result of uncertainty. The future can be somewhat predictable, but we can never quite know what will happen. It is often this uncertainty that causes us to experience anxiety before choosing a course of action.

Anxiety is a type of forward-thinking – it looks into the future and sees where things may go wrong. We feel anxious before giving a public speech because we don’t know if it will go over well or if we might embarrass ourselves.

The same is true for any other kind of social anxiety or performance anxiety.

Of course, some anxiety is good. Distinguishing “good anxiety” from “bad anxiety” is an important part of smart decision-making and risk-taking. Sometimes anxiety is an important signal that we should not follow a particular course of action because the potential consequences are too great. Sky diving is going to typically make us more anxious than petting a bunny because the risks of sky-diving are much higher. When people develop “irrational” fears about bunnies, that is usually a sign of an unhealthy phobia – because the fear doesn’t necessarily match the risks.

Mundane activities (like tying your shoes or taking a shower) don’t usually elicit much anxiety because they are more familiar, and therefore you go in with greater certainty of how the event will unfold. Only if someone has a bad experience in a shower will they develop that anxiety and uncertainty that the bad event may repeat itself.

Does your anxiety match the risks?

As I mentioned before, anxiety is often deemed “irrational” if it doesn’t match the potential risks. Some people are afraid of being in the same room as mustard, even when they understand that it poses no real threat. Anxiety may mismatch with risks depending on a number of things: unfamiliarity of an experience, a faulty belief system, or a traumatic experience.

Some unhealthy anxiety can be overcome by trying to change our thoughts (like in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy). We can reframe our perspective by looking at a situation from a different angle.

Sometimes we put too much importance on the present moment, but miss the bigger picture.

Let’s go back to the approaching a girl at a bar example. In the moment, you may know that it will completely SUCK if the girl rejects you and embarrasses you in front of your friends. You’ll be the laughing stock for the rest of the night.

But if you zoom out and see the bigger picture, you often realize that this event isn’t as important as you were making it out to be.

Imagine yourself 90 years old looking back on your college experiences at the bar: are you really going to care that 70 years ago some girl poured beer on you, or slapped you in the face, or told her friends your cheesy pick-up line? Probably not. In fact, you’d probably have more regret if you never took those little risks in the first place. Those little mistakes are what make your life richer (and besides, you now have good stories to tell your grandchildren!)

This is one simple example of how reframing your perspective can give you the freedom to take these little risks. Because they’re just that – little risks. And although in the moment you may experience a little pain and discomfort, in the end these short-term costs can often lead to long-term gratification.

Too risk-avoidant.

When individuals become too risk-avoidant, they are chronic “sitters” – always sitting on the sidelines, never doing anything, and never taking any chances with their life. As we know, sometimes this temperament can be quite beneficial, but other times it inhibits us from adapting to life in a more effective way. It inhibits us from personal growth.

Even when we try to avoid risk-taking altogether, it is something that we can’t completely avoid. Every time we don’t act, we risk losing opportunities to improve our lives. On your death bed, you may find that you regret all those times you didn’t take risks. “What ifs” can haunt you, and sometimes it is better to try something and fail (and fail) than to never try at all.

In the end, healthy risk-taking is about balance.

By the end of the day, I think it is clear that we need to find a balance between risk-seeking and risk-avoidance. We should try to identify times where we should be more cautious and safe in our decision-making, but also identify other times where the risks may be worth taking.

Check out this online course by Sean Cooper designed to help you face your social anxiety and shyness.

I believe that one of the best things you can do in social interactions is make others feel good and get them excited. When you are able to excite people, they are naturally drawn to you and building a rich social life is easy.

Some persons naturally have an exciting persona. They are however, very rare. As a communication coach, one of my interests is to understand such persons, model their social behavior and help others become more exciting.

Here are the key things you can practice that in my perspective will make you a socially exciting person.

1. Be Loud.

In order to get other people excited, you need to be excited yourself. One essential trait of excited people is that they are loud. Their positive energy manifests in the intensity of their voice, their gestures and their behaviors, without going to the extreme.

By being excited when you interact with others, you can generate the same effect. Speak in a strong, firm voice and hold your head up when you do. Move with energy and passion; use your hands to gesture when you talk. Touch people a lot and move around the room a lot.

2. Talk with Everybody

Being exciting and being sociable are closely related. When for example, you’re at a party and you go around the room talking to everybody, you get yourself out of your head and into the moment, which is a big leap towards energizing others.

Also, as others notice that you are a very sociable person who interacts with everyone, this gets them excited about talking with you. If you are an introvert and have a lower level of social energy, all this socializing will use plenty of your energy, but you’ll be fine as long as you know when to stop and recharge.

3. Joke Around

One thing I’ve noticed is that people usual use the words ‘fun’ and ‘exciting’ together. This is because those who are fun are also exciting. I believe that in order to thrill others in a social interaction, having fun yourself needs to be a priority.

One tip I often give is to joke around a lot. This is not the same as telling jokes; this has to do rather with not taking things too seriously, acting aloof and finding something amusing in almost anything. Having fun and enjoying yourself is absolutely contagious in social interactions.

4. Take Risks

Probably the least exciting and most boring persons in social situations are those who play it safe. They don’t want to say the wrong thing, to upset somebody or to appear inadequate, so they watch every word they say and every gesture they make.

You don’t want to be this person. If you’re not comfortable with taking risks socially, you can become comfortable. How? By gradually taking more risks in social situations and putting more of yourself out there. You’ll be amazed how often people just start laughing and feel amused by something you thought was rude to say.

If you’re not used to being loud, sociable, fun and taking risks, it may not feel natural at first. The most important recommendation I can make is to keep practicing and push through. As your mind gets used with your new social behavior, it will feel more natural. I’ve seen this happening in my social life and in those of many of my coaching clients.

We all have inside of us a part that’s thrilling, positive, and exciting. It’s just that sometimes we need to practice expressing it and we need to give it permission in order for this part to surface.

One taste isn’t better than another, but it is important that we have taste. It is important that know what we like.

The more we know what we like, the more we know ourselves, and the more we can maximize our time with activities we find pleasurable.

Say, for example, that my friend Paul hates Robin Williams and finds him to be an incredibly annoying actor. If they see a commercial of his new movie, then they might have a clue to avoid it. Having a sense of what we like can help us make decisions on how to spend our time.

Of course, it’s not really that simple. There can be a lot of factors that go into “liking something” and it’s also important to have an open-mind. Just because we didn’t like one or two movies with some actor doesn’t necessarily mean that we won’t like any of them. Therefore, developing a sophisticated palate entails giving every flavor a fair shot before being judgmental.

Be warned: Going into anything with a judgmental attitude may deprive us of pleasure that we would otherwise have.

The point of developing a palate isn’t to be a critic or a snob, it is about refining tastes so we know what we what when we want it! It’s knowledge about what in the world brings us joy.

How To Develop A Palate

Of course, naturally, we all already have a sense of what we like and dislike. However, as we age, we tend to get more stuck in our views, less willing to try new flavors, or experiment with old ones.

A few suggestions all palate-developers should heed to:

• Frequently ask friends and family for recommendations.
• Embrace the unknown by trying out different flavors (genres).
• Don’t be afraid to give some tastes (individual works) a second chance (sometimes I notice that the very best tastes are the ones that grow on me over time).
• Consume a lot. We don’t always have the free time, but the more time we spend consuming new material the more developed our tastes will be.
• Find out about the history or culture of your tastes. Knowing the context surrounding an artistic or creative work (where it comes from, the biography of the creator, the culture surrounding the time it was created) can add another layer of juices to the mix.

This advice can be applied to almost any medium of creativity: architecture, design, paintings, poetry, dramas, photography, cooking …you get the point!

PALATE AND PERSONALITY

Developing a palate is not just about finding what gives us the most pleasure. It is also about developing our own personality. Having a diverse palate shows that you have a passion. And having a passion tells others that you have a strong sense of self and a certain zest for life. It gives you character.

Imagine someone who doesn’t have any taste in music, movies, books, video games, TV shows, or anything else. It’s all the same to them – they have no interests or tastes whatsoever. What a boring person!

However, when someone has a passion, and they are motivated to learn the intricacies to a particular art or hobby, then it shows they are dedicated toward something. They have importance in their life.

Now, I am not saying we should fully identify ourselves with what we enjoy. Some people can take their tastes too seriously and even end friendships over differences between who is the best singer or actor. Again, building up our palette is not about being a snob or critic. It’s about knowing ourselves, but also recognizing that others have different tastes too.

IT’S IMPORTANT FOR CREATIVITY

Understanding the components of other people’s creativity, by widening our palate, motivates us to better exercise our own creativity. By listening to lots of other music, we can get ideas on new ways to play instruments or arrange parts of a song. For example, when my friend first heard Animal Collective’s “Spirit They’re Gone, Spirit They’ve Vanished,” he put away his drum sticks and used brushes for about a year and a half. In literature, authors often allude to past works of fiction. In movies, filmmakers may pay homage to classic films. We learn through listening and watching other people’s action.

It is often argued that all of today’s art, in some form or another, is a rearranging of past creativity. So when we grow our palate we theoretically have more resources to help create our own projects. I’ve personally experienced this with blogging. It wasn’t until I actively started reading other blogs on a regular basis that I got more ideas for how to improve my own blog.

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