Usually they go around in a circle, so you can basically sit there for an indefinite amount of time – not really having a care in the world. The whole experience can be really relaxing, and even a bit trance-inducing.

A good lazy river will also have some scenery (nature stuff – trees, flowers, waterfalls, maybe some animals) which can add a whole other layer of serenity.

I actually haven’t been in a lazy river in years. I know there is one at the Splish Splash in Riverhead, New York, but that’s at least a couple hours away and I haven’t made the trek yet (to be completely honest – I haven’t even been to the beach yet this summer, and that’s only 20 minutes away – yeah I’m bad).

But either way, I actually think the idea of a “lazy river” is a good analogy for relaxation. That’s because, when you’re in the lazy river, there is a healthy sense of non-striving:

• You’re not trying to get anywhere.
• You’re not trying to accomplish anything.
• You’re not trying to control anything.

You’re just letting yourself flow wherever the water goes.

No fight. No resistance.

I think there is something incredibly useful in being able to tap into that energy every now and then.

To just relax – and not always feel like we need to go somewhere.

That’s not to say we should never try to have goals, or go anywhere important, or try to fight resistance. But I believe being able to turn off that drive every now and then is very healthy.

It allows us to take a step back, recharge our batteries, and maybe even re-examine what’s really important in our lives.

Question.

• What is your “lazy river?” What activities do you do when you just want to sit back and relax? Meditate? Watch the weather? Listen to music?

Share your answers and thoughts in the comment section!

Watching his lectures really got me aching to get back into my mindfulness practice. The first one, “Mindfulness: Stress Reduction and Healing,” is a neuroscientific overview of the benefits of mindfulness meditation and how it is applied to modern medicine. The second one, “Mindfulness with Jon Kabat-Zinn” is more of a workshop, which goes over the guidelines of putting mindfulness to practice, and how to overcome potential obstacles.

If you have absolutely no clue what mindfulness is, then the second link is a fantastic starting point. I also usually recommend the book Mindfulness in Plain English by Ven. Henepola Gunaratana (the link is the full PDF, ~100 pages).

The concept of mindfulness however is actually pretty straightforward: non-judgmental awareness. To get a taste, try this: get out a piece of paper and a pen, and then write down all the sounds you can hear within a 5 minute span.

It is an incredibly simple exercise, but it helps cultivate skillful listening, and it makes you aware of things in your auditory world that you are otherwise unconscious of. Here is an example of a short two-session practice I did the other day. The first is in the afternoon, the second is later that night:

SEPT 23 – SOUNDS – 2:00PM – 2:05PM – Outside – Backyard – Sunny Day

Planes
Wind in trees
Wind pushing against fence
Birds chirping
Cricket chirping (faint)
Construction work
Wind chimes
Cars driving (in distance)
Fly buzzing
Motorcycle (going fast)
Helicopter
Water hose
Dog barking

SEPT 23 – SOUNDS – 9:30PM – 9:35PM – Outside – Backyard – Clear Night

Planes
Pond waterfall (loud)
Crickets (lots!)
Eminem song playing
Someone cough
Gate rattling
Door open
Cars driving
Motorcycle

I was (wrongfully) expecting the night session to be more tranquil, but it turned out it wasn’t. A neighbor was playing Eminem and I couldn’t make out any of the more subtle sounds in my environment.

But it is what it is – meditation is all about non-judgment – so I meditated on the Eminem song as if it were anything else.

People tend to think that in order to meditate you need to go somewhere really quiet – away from technology, cars, etc. – but that couldn’t be further from the truth. These technologies are a part of our world, an extension or our nature, and they are just as good as any other object of meditation (whether an “Aum” or a singing bowl).

We must meditate and accept what is, not idealize what is the perfect meditation. Both Jon Kabat-Zinn and Ven. Henepola Gunaratana as well as other mindfulness teachers emphasize the importance of applying mindfulness to all aspects of life.

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But depression is a reaction to a particular event or narrative we play out in our life.

Like all events, depression can only be experienced moment-by-moment. It is always moving, it is always changing, and we experience different ups and downs, but we conceptualize it as one big glob of gloom.

But this train of moments is not without a conductor. It is not like a rainy cloud, which we have no control over, following us wherever we go. Instead, we play an active role in the process, and there are effective ways to limit our suffering and move past strong negative states.

Gratitude towards suffering

Why be grateful for suffering? It sounds a bit counter-intuitive – but perhaps that is part of why you have not been able to let go of these feelings for the past few weeks, months, or years. You have not yet fully accepted them, and you have not opened your eyes to the wisdom your mind and body are trying to reveal.

There is something to be grateful for in regards to all emotions, not just positive ones. If none of us ever experienced suffering or depression or loneliness from time-to-time, we would never know when we are moving in the wrong direction, and we would never adapt properly to changing circumstances. Negative emotions are a signal worth paying attention to.

What disturbs can motivate us towards growth

When I was depressed several years ago my life turned completely grey. I can swear that when I look back at those times there was no color in my world at all. There was no brightness or zest for life, just dullness and apathy. It was my first year in college. I had no friends around. And being the incredibly introverted person that I was, it was difficult to make contact with anyone. I became a recluse, and I didn’t like it.

Being roommate-less and alone, I only left the vacancy of my dorm for two reasons: classes and food.

At least during those times when I left my dorm I was around people. But the most discomforting moments were the times laying in my bed, unable to sleep, and thinking how much longer this could last before I would have to end my life. When the thought first entered my mind I was shocked. I never considered myself someone who could end their own existence. “Do I even have the guts to do it?” I would ask myself.

It is within these deep states of contemplation where a catalyst for change can often emerge. I knew I had only a few choices: run away forever, die, or mend things back up and strive for the excellence in life I had always dreamed of.

How to see depression

In a recent post, I described negative states as valuable signs telling us what areas of our life we need to pay greater attention to.

At least, that is how my depression worked for me. My depression felt everlasting – I felt powerless – but when I dived into those feelings, thoughts, and memories, and I explored them with full intent, I noticed that my mind was trying to tell me something. It was telling me, “something has to change, this current path is unsustainable and you need to find what dissatisfies you so that you can overcome it.”

Depression became the cocoon to my butterfly.

Thus I began to search for clues; I turned my depression into a journey. I first began reading the works of NLP co-founder Richard Bandler, and his predecessor, the American psychiatrist and hypnotherapist Milton H. Erickson. These two had a refreshing perspective on mind. They saw it as an entity that is designed to work for you, not against you.

They saw all emotions, thoughts, feelings, beliefs as tools. They could be learned, developed, and understood like anything else. They weren’t there to contribute to your demise – they were there to benefit you – they were solution-generating.

These incredible thinkers also had a way of reframing problems into solutions: Depression wasn’t just a result of a poor or pathetic life, it was the first step towards happiness. This way of seeing mental illness short-circuited my brain, and blew my mind wide open.

Mental health is the development of skills

We perceive time as always moving forward, and this is what we call life. Consequently, things are always changing – we study those things and call it knowledge, or science. As sentient beings, we have the capacity to learn about these things, to retain them in our memory, and apply them to our life to improve conditions.

We are the only beings we know of that can adapt to change in such complex ways. We have thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, perspectives, values, and convictions. These are all tools. We can consciously use them in the same way a carpenter uses a hammer and drill to help make a building.

Like other tools, they are human inventions and imperfect – but they can get us to newer places when we use them in the right context. This can be hard work. Maintaining mental health is not an easy or passive process anymore than building a muscle at the gym is an easy or passive process. Whether you are reading affirmations or taking 1mg of Clonazepam every day, there are no magic potions.

Pathologically, many illnesses originate due to a variety of different biological, psychological, and social factors. While we can’t change our genes, we can change how they are expressed by changing our habits, our environment, our culture, and our relationships. Our destiny is not set in stone, we usually have enough flexibility to make things work.

Non-duality

I want to now touch on a more philosophical concept. Please take a minute or two to reflect on the Yin-Yang:

It is an amazing illustration on the play of opposites in our daily life. The dynamics and evolution of our being.

Note that even on the side of dark there is a bit of light, and on the side of light there is a bit of dark. I think this very strongly alludes to the concept of nonduality that is so prevalent in eastern philosophy. The concept is meant to illustrate that while two things may seem distinct and separate, they are actually intimately connected.

Instead of thinking of depression as a separate entity to happiness, we should see them as part of a single continuum (again, this is actually one of the key concepts I go over in my short ebook).

You can apply this concept to an array of ideas in regards to mental health and well-being:

• Depression is the first step towards happiness.
• Ignorance is the first step towards knowledge.
• Confusion is the first step towards understanding.
• Anxiety is the first step towards confidence.
• Hate is the first step towards love.
• Darkness is the first step towards light.

If you are interested in knowing more about the philosophy of non-duality I recommend this article by Bhikkhu Bodhi from Access To Insight.

Everlasting change is not only our friend but our nature.

The ideas in this post aren’t anything terribly new, but they are always revelatory when they are first discovered by an individual mind. In truth, this way of framing happiness has been echoed throughout the ages, and it is still being reiterated today in various forms (Buddhist psychotherapy, NLP, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, etc.) It is also one of the most prevalent themes in this blog, and I will continue to write about it because I feel this is knowledge worth knowing.

What these chemicals initially do is they make us more energized and alert. And by doing this, we gather more information about our environment, and we have a better idea on how to respond to our surroundings.

However, compared to humans tens of thousands of years ago, we are being introduced to novel stimuli at an alarming rate. This creates more stress, and a lot of it is due to our technology.

Of course, technology has also reduced a lot of stress: we no longer have to be worried about predators, we can survive through most weather conditions comfortably, and we have a lot of machines to do our manual labor, etc.

But in exchange we have found sillier and less threatening ways to accumulate stress. Now we stress over text messages, upcoming exams, job interviews, sports teams, video-games, having to go to the store, or “what will I eat for dinner?” Meaningless stuff compared to survival, the ability to be alive, to breathe, and to feel safe.

We have more distractions than ever before, we have more possessions than ever before, and we have more circumstances to worry about than ever before.

Some people can handle it well, and others can’t. And this may be why we are seeing so many with attention and learning disorders. We’ve created our very own chaotic environment – from our entertainment to our political and economic systems – and some people are having trouble adapting to it.

But, just as we have created our own mess, I think we are also creating our own solutions. Solutions that are not coming from the unconscious forces of evolution, but from our own minds and good judgment.

One of these solutions is meditation. Research on meditation, especially on Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) (which you can learn a little bit about here), has shown its effectiveness in reducing stress and anxiety.

Kabat-Zinn says “being and doing are interrelated,” and if we don’t take the time to “be and rest,” then we are doing without any purpose or direction. We are like a 26-musician orchestra trying to play Beethoven before ever tuning our instruments – no matter how much effort we exert we will never find harmony.

The first principles of meditation according to Kabat-Zinn are that the past and future exist only as a concept (given, a very useful concept), and life only unfolds in the present moment.

This recognition allows us to keep our mind concentrated only on what is happening now, the sensations of our breathing, and not to drift into the future or present – but when we do – to make note of it and go back to the breath.

Eventually we notice how unruly the mind can be – how it loses focuses, becomes interested in new things, seeks new desires, and always wants to be entertained. Don’t be alarmed – it doesn’t mean you are a bad meditator.

Recognizing your ability to be distracted is knowing your mind at a deeper level. Our minds do this all of the time, they are constantly shifting their beacon of light to new shapes and forms. Be aware of it’s irregular movement.

One moment you may be noticing birds chirping, then you return to the breath; next you notice a pain in your lower back, then you return to the breath; now you notice a smell of someone cooking in the kitchen, then you return to the breath. Be aware of changing awareness. Notice how even while you are doing nothing, your mind is being tugged in different directions.

In the midst of this chaos of consciousness, remain still and choiceless. Try not to judge any of your sensations as pleasurably or painful, but retain equanimity, balance, and centeredness. Just flow with each new sensation as it rises and falls, without attachment or disapproval. Just let things be as they are.

Jon Kabat-Zinn recommends that we practice this formal kind of meditation at least a few minutes a day, and that we also should try to maintain this awareness and clarity throughout our daily activities. “The real meditation,” he says, “is your life.”

He mentions that even a short 2-5 minutes meditation before an important business meeting, or an interview, or a date, can help tune yourself before carrying out the activity. This can help you act more efficiently, by being in the moment, with greater focus and less stress.

When you first begin your practice, don’t worry so much about how long you are meditating. Just meditate when you can, and when you think you most need it. A little bit each day (or every other day) is enough to create a foundation to your practice. Try to apply mindfulness to every moment.