A Conversation Between Your Positive Self and Negative Self

Is there a conflict between your positive self and negative self? Maybe it’s time for them to sit down and have a talk.

We’re complex beings. Often times there isn’t one singular self that makes us who we are, but multiple selves that are tugging away simultaneously.

For example, pretend you’re at a dinner with friends and you think of a funny but off-color joke. A part of you wants to share it with the group and get a few laughs, but another part of you recognizes that Sarah probably wouldn’t appreciate the joke, so it may be better to keep it to yourself.

Whichever “self” wins the tug of war is the one that gets to choose how we respond to any given situation.

In every situation, we have multiple ways we can respond to it. In many ways our personality is a spectrum, sometimes the “nice guy” comes out and sometimes the “mean bully” comes out – or often it’s some version in-between.

Have you ever looked back on an experience and thought, “That wasn’t really me!” or “I don’t know what came over me!”

Those are often times when a negative side of ourselves comes out that we don’t normally identify with. Perhaps it was due to a particular person or situation that we struggle with – or we were simply tired, hungry, or in a bad mood.

There are many factors that can influence how we behave in any given situation, so it’s important to recognize that we are very dynamic and flexible human beings.

No single moment defines who you are – they are all just pieces to a much bigger puzzle.

Just because your “negative self” has won in the past doesn’t mean your “positive self” can’t win in the future. It all depends on which version of yourself you choose to feed into.

This is similar to the two wolves inside you metaphor, where one wolf represents light, hope, and positivity, while the other wolf represents darkness, despair, and negativity. Whichever wolf you choose to feed is the one that survives.

If you feel any type of internal conflict, writing out a dialogue between the two sides is a great way to learn where each side is coming from – then use that information to find a new path forward.

In this article, I’ll share a simple exercise that involves creating a fictional dialogue between your “positive self” and “negative self.” Here’s how to do it.

The goal of this exercise is to write out a dialogue between your hypothetical “positive self” and “negative self.”

You can choose different names if you’d like – for example, if “positive” and “negative” don’t apply to the situation you want to explore, or you find them too binary. I’m just using them as an easy example to illustrate.

While writing the dialogue, don’t over-think the responses of each self – follow your gut to get the most authentic responses.

That’s important because often the first thing that pops into your mind during an exercise like this is the realest response. Once you start over-thinking, you start self-censoring.

Now let’s dive in!

Here are simple steps to follow:

• Create a word document on your computer (or get an old-fashioned paper and pen).
• Title your document, “Positive Self vs. Negative Self: A Dialogue.”
• Identify one situation where you feel your “Positive Self” and “Negative Self” are currently in conflict. (For example: “Eating Healthier,” “Studying More,” or “Being a Nicer Person.”)
• Set a timer for 5 minutes.
• Start the timer and begin writing out your dialogue while focusing on the topic you chose.


For example, your dialogue may begin looking something like:

Negative Self: You’ll never achieve your goal! When will you accept that?

Positive Self: I can do it, it will just take time and patience.

Negative Self: If you haven’t changed yet, what makes you think you can change now?

Positive Self: I’ve already made a small amount of progress. I don’t expect to change everything overnight.

Negative Self: Psh. You can’t change. You’ll always be a loser.

Positive Self: Ha, well that’s just your opinion and I disagree. Besides, “losing” and “winning” are two sides of the same coin. You can’t have one without the other: all my failures and struggles make me stronger in the end!
• Try to embody both sides and represent them evenly.
• Let your “Negative Self” really rip into you and try to get under your skin, but let your “Positive Self” be just as powerful and resilient.
• End the dialogue with your “Positive Self” getting the final word.
• Once you’re finished with your dialogue, save it somewhere so that you can re-visit it or add to it in the future.
• For bonus points: Act out your dialogue by performing it out-loud for both characters. This type of role-playing can help you dig deeper into each side of yourself.

Don’t be afraid to exaggerate and have fun with it, the exercise isn’t meant to be taken too seriously. Play pretend and use your imagination.

Ultimately, writing exercises like this are a way to explore different thought patterns and learn more about yourself.

One key reason this exercise is effective is because it allows you to step back and reflect on what your “two selves” are in conflict about – while not getting too attached to either one.

Interesting research shows that when you give your negative inner voice a name, you distance yourself from it and it has less power over you, so even just thinking in terms of “Positive Self” and “Negative Self” will help you see things more clearly and objectively.

Writing also permits you to express thoughts and feelings that have been buzzing in your mind lately, making it easier to let go and release them.

Try this exercise and see where it leads you!

Enter your email to stay updated on new articles in self improvement: