Conflict Resolution: 4 Principles Behind Constructive and Peaceful Negotiation

Negotiation is a normal part of everyday life.

We often think of it in terms of business or politics, but the truth is we all need to negotiate with people in both personal settings (such as with family, friends, spouses, or loved ones) and professional settings (such as with bosses, employees, customers, buyers/sellers, real estate, etc.).

The key to successfully navigating these conflicts lies in the art of negotiation and resolution. In this article, we’ll explore essential principles that promote constructive and peaceful conflict resolution.

One of the biggest obstacles when it comes to negotiation is turning things into a personal battle.

Instead of trying to find common ground or room for compromise, we search for ways to attack or “get back” at whomever we are negotiating with. Instead of solving problems, we seek to hurt.

Of course, we can’t take the human element out of negotiations. There will always be different personalities, attitudes, and temperaments that we have to deal with.

You will probably cross paths with many people in life you simply don’t like, but that doesn’t mean you can’t work with them or resolve problems together if you approach things from the right perspective.

Focus on finding solutions first. Put any secondary personal grievances on the back-burner for now. As soon as things devolve into a heated argument it will block the flow of open and honest communication, and thereby make it impossible to reconcile differences.

Action Steps:

• Active listening – Take the time to actively listen to the other party’s viewpoint. Remember that every situation can be seen from multiple perspectives. Avoid interruptions and judgments, and strive to understand their point of view (even if you find it to be unreasonable at first).
• Practice empathy – Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Understand their feelings, concerns, and motivations. Empathy paves the way for open communication. Let the other person know they are being heard and you’re not just steamrolling them.
• State your goals – You have a perspective too that needs to be expressed for healthy negotiations. Be honest about your goals and communicate your needs without getting emotional or turning things into a personal battle. Speak in a “matter-of-fact” tone about what you’d like to achieve.

During negotiations, people often become fixated on their positions, leading to a deadlock.

We start ourselves at position “A,” and we see the other person at position “B,” so we figure that the only proper solution is to meet somewhere in the middle at position “C.”

This type of one dimensional thinking can often lead to stalemates where solutions are hard to find.

When we only focus on concrete goals (such as numbers, prices, items, locations, people, etc.), we sometimes neglect other factors and interests that are really driving our decision-making.

For example, when searching for a new home, we may be singularly focused on one region or location. However, the real reasons behind that location may include deeper interests such as “safety,” “good schools,” or “cleanliness” that – once identified – can be found in other places as well.

Make sure to identify the deeper desires and interests behind your position, so that you’re not just defending the position itself, but actually working toward what you’re looking for.

Shifting the focus from positions to interests can lead to more creative solutions that satisfy both parties. Remember that these interests are the underlying needs, desires, and concerns driving each person’s position, so that you’re getting at the root of what you want.

Action Steps:

• Ask deeper questions – Get to the root of a person’s wants and needs by asking mind-dissecting questions that cut through superficial chatter and surface-level bargaining.
• Identify psychological drives – Find out the other person’s core values in life (such as “family,” “health,” “peace,” “safety,” or “happiness”) and search for solutions that appeal to those essential drives.
• Take a complete picture perspective – Frame the decision from a complete picture perspective. Consider the future and look at things from a long-term timeline: what are the effects 1 year, 5 years, or 10 years down the line?

Thinking outside the box is a game-changer in negotiations. It’s easy to assume that there’s a fixed set of solutions, but in reality, innovation can lead to creative and unforeseen “win-win” scenarios.

What are new possibilities you can put on the table? Perhaps these ideas aren’t even related to the current negotiation, but they can help sweeten the deal for both sides.

For example, say you’re a literary agent attempting to get a book deal signed for your new client, but publishers are iffy on making an offer to a first time writer. What are some extra incentives you can add to push it over the finish line? A few inventive options could be: turning the book into a franchise (so they get rights to all potential sequels), or adding movie/TV rights to the contract and agreeing to help with the screenplay, or having an editor or artist already on board to help with the project, or agreeing to no advance payment so your success is tied to sales and royalties.

Those are just a few ideas off the top of my head. Ultimately, it depends what both you and the other party can offer. The more creative you are, the more potential new factors you can add to the negotiation process. In theory the options are limitless.

You can find this type of deal-making a lot on the television show Shark Tank. For example, Mark Cuban will mention his contacts with sports teams and athletes when trying to close a deal with someone selling athletic products (offering potential sponsorships), and Kevin O’Leary is known for doing many “royalty-based” deals so that entrepreneurs can keep more equity and ownership over their start-up companies.

Remember, you’re not just trying to find a middle ground; you’re creating an opportunity for both sides to gain. By encouraging more creative thinking and bringing new ideas to the table, you’re setting the stage for unique collaboration and mutual benefit.

Action Steps:

• Exercise your creative muscles – Anyone can become more creative because it’s a muscle that can be strengthened with practice. Learn to embrace your creative mind more through valuable tips, exercises, and techniques. Be willing to play with new ideas during the negotiation process even if you ultimately reject them in the end. Ask yourself, “What if…?”
• Think in new categories – If you’re always thinking in the same old categories, you’ll always be stuck with the same old options. Take a leap and learn to think in new categories that completely change your paradigm and perspective.
• Practice improvisation – Improvisation means learning how to discover new possibilities in the moment with zero preparation. Practice improvisation exercises to get your mind thinking more freely and spontaneously. Be open to new ideas entering your mind at any time.

Objective criteria provide a fair and rational basis for evaluating potential solutions. Relying on such criteria helps prevent decisions based solely on emotions or personal biases and promotes fairness in the negotiation process.

One way to achieve this is to seek third parties who have no interest or connection with either side. For example, seeking a mutually trusted price evaluation for a home, car, collector’s item, or other big purchase.

You can also introduce scientific studies, statistics, polls, economic data, expert opinions, government guidelines, and other outside information to help build a stronger foundation for your position.

It’s important to find “objective criteria” that is agreed on by both parties. Once this criteria is established, it will help anchor the conversation – giving both parties something they can point to throughout the negotiations.

While there will always be a subjective component behind the negotiation process, there are always ways to bring more objectivity into the discussion too.

The more objective information you can bring into the discussion, the easier it will be to work toward common ground. This will lead the conversation more toward facts and less toward opinions and feelings.

Action Steps:

• Do your research – The more you know about a subject, the easier it will be to make informed decisions. You should schedule time before the negotiation to do adequate research, especially finding sources that are valuable and trustworthy (see the information pyramid as a guideline). Double check any information you get and make sure it is backed by multiple sources. Save and print out relevant facts that you may want to use during the negotiation.
• Be a skeptical thinker – Not all information is created equal. A scientific study is generally going to be more reliable than a TikTok video. Facts, statistics, and graphs can also be presented in false and misleading ways. Learn to be a more critical and skeptical thinker of all the information you consume, especially things you find on the internet.
• Seek outside opinions and expertise – You can also better prepare by reaching out to friends, family, or experts beforehand, especially those who already have experience with your situation. While you shouldn’t take what they say at face-value, they can often bring advice and information to your attention that you hadn’t previously thought of, including protecting you from any potential blind spots you may have.

Despite our best efforts to follow the principles above, it doesn’t always mean a negotiation will be successful.

Perhaps there are clear dealbreakers that make finding a solution nearly impossible, such as irreconcilable differences in beliefs, values, or ethics.

The strongest negotiation position is being able to walk away from the table. If you can’t even entertain the idea of “walking away,” then you’re ultimately going to be stuck with whatever options the other party leaves you with.

One of the most important questions you can ask yourself is, “What’s the next best alternative if a deal doesn’t happen?” If a negotiation completely fails, where does that leave you? What other options do you have? What’s the worst case scenario? Can you live with that?

You should try to have the answers to these types of questions before you start any negotiation, so you have a clear picture of your current position going in and when it’s time to cut ties.

In conclusion, conflict resolution is an art that requires practice, patience, and a commitment to constructive communication and problem-solving.

By implementing these four principles (separating people from the problem, focusing on interests, inventing new options, and using objective criteria), you can navigate conflicts with greater ease and foresight.

If our world became better at following these principles and resolving conflicts, no matter the situation we find ourselves in, we’d all experience a lot more happiness and peace in our lives.

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