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Picture this…my wife, me, and 2 kids driving in the car. I’m in control of the radio (of course)! As I go from station to station, I am trying to find something to get us jamming. Then, suddenly, my daughter yells out “Keep this on!” And we now have a song to listen to. As a parent of 9-year old twins, I am VERY aware of the lyrics of these songs my kids are listening to.
I hear A LOT of the same songs. My daughter’s favorites are yelled out (by her…not me!) as we go. Over time I have been hearing this one song which lyrics really hit home. It’s called “Scars to Your Beautiful” by Alessia Cara.
Some of the lyrics include:
You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are
And you don’t have to change a thing”
Many readers of my content are people struggling with their past. The common theme is something that impacted them in their childhood and still affects them today.
I cannot relate to every situation, but the impact it has on us is always the same. It causes you to doubt yourself and the person you want to be. It causes you to live in the past and suffer almost daily. That is painful.
The thing is…we cannot change the past. It is out of our control. It is part of us. They are our scars. I have a few physical scars. Each one has a story. Physical scars tend to be a source of pride. If you have physical scars, a common question you are asked is, “How did you get that?” The story related to a physical scar typically ends with a tale of stupidity and laughter.
Mental scars don’t offer the same parable. We tend to hold on to those in a very different way. The pain from a physical scar goes away, we just have the reminder. However, with a mental scar the pain does not go away. It is not something we want to talk about and do not offer a story ending with laughter.
We all need to change our view of these scars. It is true, we do not have control of what has happen in the past. However, we ARE in control of our perspective. How you view your past can be broken down into one of two strategies: regret or reflection.
As you think about your past, do not regret your experiences, action, and thoughts. If you have make mistakes, do not dwell on them. Sure, it is tough to recognize mistakes and get past certain situations.
That is not my recommendation. Instead, find value in some of your darkest days. There is value in those experiences. You just need to take some time and reflect on it. In times of reflection, you can learn from your mistakes, you can take stock of how you handle it, and opt not to make those choices again.
Or if you have something in your past that is holding you back, find something positive from that time. Let me offer a personal example of what I mean…
My mother suffered from Muscular Dystrophy from before I was born. My earliest memories I have is her being in a wheelchair. As my life progressed, her quality of life diminished. She went from living at home being cared for and trying to be strong for me, to having to be moved to a nursing home and being cared for full time. The strength of her parenting declined until her passing. As you could imagine this had a dramatic impact on me. To be honest, there were times in recent years where just talking about her would make me sad. That is regret.
I’ll be honest, my past included seeing people very close to me suffer and pass away at an early age. And myself being young, I struggled with how to handle it. These experiences resulted in me being lost, alone, depressed, afraid, angry, and much more. It took me many years to overcome these issues. In short, in took some reflection on my past.
Now in taking some time to reflect on my mother and our relationship, I could find some impactful details that changed my way of thinking. In my time of reflection, I realized some valuable lessons she taught me. The first of which, and the one I will share with you today, is that of inner strength. Throughout my life, my mother showed me the importance of overcoming adversity and continue to be strong on the inside. In her situation, she had significant decline in her physical muscles. However, that did not impact the person she would be on the inside. She taught me that strength starts from within. This is a tremendously valuable lesson I share with others today.
You can choose to let your scars hold you back. Yes, that is your choice. Just just like your fingerprint, our scars are unique to each of us. They can be something you hide from the world or you can recognize they are a source of pride and strength.
Your scars are a reminder of something in your past that you have overcome. You are a much stronger person than you realize. It is time to accept that. It is time to recognize your beauty…inside and out.
Take pride in your journey. The struggle is what created the scars. Getting yourself up from rock bottom is where stories are built. Be the person you want to be…the person everyone else sees.
Your scars are beautiful! So are you! Let everyone else see it too!
Commit to your excellence.
Joe Bellistri is an author and personal performance coach. His writing style is founded in real-life experiences that resonate with his readers. The theme of his writing is consistent, become the Super Hero you have inside of you. You can learn more about Joe by visiting JoeBellistri.com.
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