Human touch plays an important role in developing our sense of self, how we connect with others, and our overall happiness and well-being. Are you fulfilling your need for touch?
Human touch is a necessary component to anyone’s happiness, mental health, and well-being.
One of the most famous experiments in psychology is Harry Harlow’s experiments on rhesus monkeys in the late 1930s. He put young monkeys in various forms of social isolation (away from their mothers) to see how it influenced their development. While the studies are highly controversial and unethical by today’s standards, they reveal a lot about our need for social connectedness and touch.
In one study, Harlow created “surrogate mothers” for the infant monkeys out of wire and wood. He created two types: 1) Bare-wire mothers that provided food and nutrition, and 2) Cloth-covered mothers that provided comfort and warmth, but no food.
Harlow discovered that the infant monkeys spent most of their time clinging to the cloth-covered mothers. They would get off and go to the bare-wire mother for food, but then quickly leave and return back to the cloth-covered mothers for comfort.
This demonstrated that the infant-mother relationship was about way more than just providing food and resources, but also providing comfort, warmth, and security.
In following experiments, Harlow observed how the mother’s comfort (through warmth and touch) helped to aid the infant monkey’s development. They found that when confronted with new stimuli (or a potentially threatening situation), the infant monkeys would use their mother as a base of safety. They would go and explore the new object for a little, but then return to their mother when the situation got too stressful or overwhelming for them.
While these are experiments of monkeys, there is a lot we can learn from animals that applies to our own health and psychology. I’ve written before about how great apes can teach us about emotions and morality, and I believe Harlow’s experiments reveal a very important lesson behind the power of human touch and comfort.
Harlow’s Monkeys
Warning: Animal Abuse
Here’s a quick video about Harlow’s experiments. You’ll see how much the infant monkeys cling to warmth and comfort, and how they prefer the cloth-covered “mother” to the bare-wired “mother.”
However, please be warned that a lot of it is extremely heart-breaking to watch. And these studies would likely never pass the ethical standards of today. If you have a weak stomach when it comes to animal abuse, you probably shouldn’t watch the video.
Harlow discovered that when these infant monkeys experienced extreme social isolation, social withdrawal, and lack of touch and comfort, they often had difficulty with relationships when they were introduced to other monkeys. Most of them never fully recovered.
In the same way, social isolation and social withdrawal can have a similar influence on humans as well.
The Psychology of Touch
In general, human touch plays a tremendous role in our personal well-being and how we connect with others in our relationships.
Most social interactions consist of at least some type of touch, whether it’s a handshake, hug, or kiss on the cheek. While the specific gesture may depend on the culture, a lot of everyday human interaction uses touch to help build a trustful bond with others.
Human touch is an important part of non-verbal communication. When used properly, it can trigger a wide-range of different positive emotions including relaxation, comfort, security, or joy.
More broadly, touch is an important way we take in information about our world and understand it better…
One study published in Psychological Science discovered that exploring objects through touch can often give us a more detailed and durable memory of that object. And another interesting study published in Nature Scientific Reports discovered that when our eyes feel deceived, we often rely on our fingertips to test our reality.
Touch makes things more real to us. It’s a direct connection to our world and surroundings. And that’s not only true for better understanding our reality, but also better understanding our self and our relationships with others.
In one study published in Frontiers of Psychology, researchers discovered that loving, affective touch – such as a slow caress or stroke – can play an important role in developing a healthy sense of self and body ownership.
Touch makes us more aware of our personal boundaries, but it also lets those boundaries down by letting someone else enter our “personal space.” This type of intimacy – both friendly and romantic – often allows us to connect with another person at a deeper level.
Touch builds connectedness. And this is true whether it’s a romantic relationship with intimate kissing, cuddling, or sex, or if it’s a friendly relationship like a sports team using high fives and secret handshakes to build camaraderie and group cohesion.
One of the best examples of how touch creates unity is a fascinating study published in Scientific Reports that discovered when lover’s “hold hands” their breathing and heart rates often sync up.
This perfectly illustrates how powerful touch can be when it comes to building a strong and loving bond with someone.
Paying Attention to Your Need for Touch
Like food and water, I believe human touch is a need that we all have to fulfill in our lives.
Of course, everyone has different “comfort levels” with touch – and some people may be more shy and reserved than others when it comes to various forms of physical intimacy – but the truth is we all need some element of touch in our lives to be happy and satisfied.
This is especially true when we are having a bad or stressful day. For example, a new study published in PLOS ONE found that a hug from someone (especially a friend or family member) helps buffer against stress and negative emotions.
We all need people to be there for us when we are down. And touch is one way people can support us during difficult times and show that they care without needing to say anything.
It feels good to get that physical support from someone – it makes us feel that we are less alone in the world and gives us the comfort of knowing that other people have our backs.
One of the most obvious needs for touch and intimacy comes from our romantic relationships, dating and marriage. Without physical intimacy, a relationship isn’t likely to last very long or be able to sustain itself. We want to be able to connect with people at a physical level (and it’s about a lot more than just sexual desire). Even just morning kisses and nighttime cuddles can make a big difference when it comes to long-lasting romance.
There’s no doubt about it: we want human touch and we need human touch.
Take a moment to reflect on your relationship with touch. Ask yourself…
- “Am I fulfilling my needs for human touch?”
- “What’s my relationship with touch? In general, am I too withdrawn or too clingy?”
- “How can I be more affectionate in my romantic relationships?” (kisses, cuddles, sex, etc.)
- “What types of touch am I most comfortable with? Least comfortable with?”
- “What are my favorite types of friendly touch?” (handshakes, high fives, hugs, etc.)
- “How have my past experiences shaped my relationship with touch?”
I believe there is an important balance to be found in how we use touch and fulfill our need for it.
Being too withdrawn from touch (and never seeking intimacy) can become just as harmful as being too attracted to touch (and needing constant intimacy) to feel good about ourselves.
Overall, our need for touch is something to be very mindful of. It’s an important desire on both a physical and mental level, and it’s important that we have a healthy relationship with touch and fulfill our need for it in a safe and consensual way.
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